Group Therapy

[Harry Manback]

I didn't know where to put this thread, figured this was the best place. I got some rather disturbing news today that I just can't seem to get off my mind and I thought maybe if I wrote about it, perhaps I would gain some clarity.

When I was a child I had a best friend. We lived in the same neighborhood, went to the same school, were in the same classes and we were buds. He was the leader, and I the follower. I thought he was the coolest thing. Around about the age of 9 he witnessed a pretty horrific event. His mother, a sweet a woman whom I adored, was murdered by his step father. This man, then turned the gun on himself and took his own life all while my buddy hid in his upstairs bedroom. The fire dept. had to take him out of the upstairs window because he was so frightened and wouldn't come out. I cried at her funeral, I couldn't imagine the pain and devastation he was going through, especially since we were so young. Years went by and we stayed pretty close right up until we started high school. He started experimenting with drugs and began heading down a path I could no longer follow(not saying I'm an angel, I've done my share) He moved after our sophomore year of high school and we lost touch. I've always wondered about him. He was a brilliant kid and I had no doubt that he would go far and find success in life.

Fast forward to today, my dad came by to join us for Independance Day bbq. Not long before he left he said, "Hey did you hear about so and so? He got arrested a couple weeks ago. They say he killed a guy out in Wyoming." I looked it up and sure enough, there it was. He's being held waiting extradition to face charges. According to the news article I read, he and his girlfriend had left town after losing their jobs and ended up in Wyoming. They met a guy willing to help them at a campsite, and my old friend decided it was a good idea to rob him. He beat the benevolent man with a hammer and drowned him in a nearby lake. The take on the robbery got him about $34. I was floored and still am.

Maybe this is one of those things that you think doesn't happen to/by people you know. I spent most of the evening looking at my wife and two beautiful children thanking my lucky stars for them. It even crossed my mind that I should be grateful for my job (gasp). It hasn't left me in a position where I felt like I needed to take from others to get by. My thoughts and prayers are with the victim's family as well my old friend. He's gonna need them where he's going.

 

[ajblakejr]

Harry, This is a safe place to post.

The most disturbing, for me, was the following: "He beat the benevolent man with a hammer and drowned him in a nearby lake."
I could not stop the imagery of one man, weakened by a beating, held by another under water until the life left his fighting body for air.

We are blessed to have this forum for many reasons, right now, after reading and feeling the depth of how this one life event of a close friend impacted your early life and yet, you maintained a positive outlook for your troubled friend's future. We are blessed because it is a safe place to talk, anonymously, without burdening our immediate loved ones.

You are not alone feeling this way, "Maybe this is one of those things that you think doesn't happen to/by people you know. I spent most of the evening looking at my wife and two beautiful children thanking my lucky stars for them. It even crossed my mind that I should be grateful for my job (gasp). It hasn't left me in a position where I felt like I needed to take from others to get by. My thoughts and prayers are with the victim's family as well my old friend. He's gonna need them where he's going." I am not a trained therapist; my next words are just me guessing that your next few days will be full of deep thought and examination. Regardless, writing about your experience is a good way to start that examination.

It is just unexplainable, how it feels to have had someone in your life, someone that was important or made a deep impression, to be capable of purposely draining the life out of another human, a stranger.

Harry, this thread is here.
Come to it freely while processing - unburden yourself here - one sentence at a time, if needed.
We are here, your BC UPS family.

 

[menotyou]

Harry, you are experiencing grief, I think. You are grieving the loss of his potential, what his brilliant mind could have done, become, had he not taken this path. His step-father is a monster. He became an adult, and continued making the wrong choices. You didn't. No one is an angel, but we do grow up. You have done a fine job of creating a wonderful life for your family. Just keep that thought. I wish you friend could find peace in the horrible place his actions have caused him to be headed to. RIP to the man who tried to help him. God Bless.

Harry, I hope you are able to reconcile this. Be proud of what you accomplished. Love your family. Best wishes for you and yours.

Trish

 

[moreluck]

Life takes many roads and when the roads fork, we all must decide which way we will go. Some choose the straight path and others choose the criminal way. Each person is responsible for their choices and some of those people provide the rest of us with lessons.
You are right in being thankful for your situation. You did well!!

 

[Harry Manback]

Thanks yall, I appreciate your kind words. I felt a lot better about it last night having written about it. I'm glad to have an outlet the affords me the chance to do so.

 

[DS]

Thanks for sharing Harry,and what a great name for a thread.
We all go through some weird crap in life,and often need others opinions to reinforce our
faith.I'm glad the advice so far has been positive,but as in life,as your story tells,
there's a reason why everyone acts differently.
Some may say things that demean you .When and if they do,ignore them,
there's a hell of a lot more sane, humble and intelligent folks in here that are just like you.

 

[toonertoo]

I have found that sometimes just writing it down helps immensely. Or writing a letter you will never send.

 

[stevetheupsguy]

Harry, YOU, did the right thing, and what menotyou and moreluck say, is true. There comes a point in life where we choose. Thank God, YOU chose the direction you chose. God bless you, your family, those around you and that poor man's family.