Marriage.......And the UPS'er

[anonymous6]

national divorce rate is about 50%.

in our feeder dept. about 70 % ( night hours probably )

But, I agree with the poster that said the main reason for divorce is financial problems and since we are so well paid, that should help.

 

[stevetheupsguy]

A small part of why I got divorced was that my ex did not understand " the job.". I was working twilight, the kids were young, and for goodness sake, he had to watch the kids for the four hours I was at work. He thought I should quit UPS and get a day job. If I was a weaker person I might have done that. (UPS doesn't breed weak people, or if they do manage to get hired, they don't last long)

The job at UPS is really a two person job if you are married. The one that "stays at home" is the one that deserves a lot of credit if you have a good marriage. Very difficult to understand the long hours unless you are not both walking the same path in the same direction. And both have to "get the big picture."

Retirement years should be interesting for you as your spouse will be underfoot all day------- unless you allow him or her to come and go as they please. If they are the type that can't prepare a meal for themselves or share the house work retirement can be tough. My wife and I always start out the day with a little "what you up to today session". We then decide if we are going to actually do a supper together or will be busy so its a feed youself night. Its always fix your own lunch and breakfast depends on if one or the other feels like cooking otherwise its cold cereal and toast. We are both totally independent beings that have our own friends and interests but still enjoy each others company and have our own fun together. I feel sorry for couples where either the wife or the husband can't do anything without the other one having be be right there. We have a calendar that sits right by the computer where we write down any appointments , plans or get-aways that are coming up in the future and we both respect the others pre-planned time. Works for us.

Oh so true! My wife and a co-drivers wife were our driver helpers a few years ago. My co-worker and I had routes that crossed each other in the day. We'd "swap" wives for a day for conversation and teasing during delivery. The "girls" would laugh and go with the first "brown dude" they could catch. Of course, the 4 of us are best friends off the clock also. Because we all knew each other so well, we were two well performing teams all the time. I would go in the building in the morning and tell dispatch to "just get the packages in the truck" and we'd take care of it out on the routes(Pre PAS, I might add). Both of our wives loved it. It really made them understand our business lives.

We all pretty much work long hours. We get off work in the early to mid evening. So, My wife figured that since UPS takes up my time from 8:30am to about 7:30pm five nights a week. Just out smart the system. My wife and I get up for "our time" around 4:45am to 5:00am in in the morning to do "our" stuff. Read the paper and chat, go shopping for groceries (no one's in the stores) and such. We usually go to bed in the evening around 8:30 to 9:00pm. We just chose to control "our time" to fit our needs.

Just a thought..........................we have gone too many years without a disagreement. Our setup works for us, I still chase her around the house. Take it at will.......

Paul

I don't blame UPS for my recent divorce. There were many factors. I think we as UPSer's tend to give UPS more credit than is due for the negative circumstances or outcomes in our lives. Sure it's a tough place to work,but so is every other job left in America.

It's easy to blame our working at UPS for all of our personal problems, much easier than accepting responsibility for our own actions. Do the hours and conditions at UPS have the possibility of impacting our marriages and relationships? Of course, but only if we allow them to.

If UPS caused your relationship to fail it was just a matter of time before some other outside stimulus resulted in the same outcome. Hence your relationship was flawed anyway. Work harder at your relationships and on improving yourself. Working at UPS is a living, but it is not a life. Don't get the two confused.

These are all such good posts, and have lots of great information. Companionship, communication and independence, are some of the things that make a great marriage, a great friendship.

 

[reydluap]

I met my wife on the route. She was a receptionist at a building I delivered to every day. Her office was on the top floor of the building and I delivered to a basement with a secured door and camera that she controled. I'd have to use an intercom to page her to open the electronic door. She could see a human in the camera, but didn't have a clue as to my "GREAT LOOKS"(this is my story) and I didn't have a clue as to what she looked like. But after five years of chatting on this intercom, I took a chance and sent her flowers and asked her out from her secret admirer. It took her about two weeks to figure out who sent her the flowers. But she took the chance and we have been together and blessed by God with a fabulous understanding relationship.

She had never been married. Where as I was divorced and raising four children on my own. She took a chance on me and the clan. For that, We truely feel like we've been Blessed. We make everything work out positive and don't let UPS mess with our personal lives.

What I'm trying to point out is, UPS doesn't just destroy our lives. There are some positives for working at UPS.

(Outta hours...great post. So true)

Paul

 

[edd_tv]

keep that good advice coming, im taking the plunge in October.

some of my fellow drivers have been real adamant about making sure she understands what this job can do or not do to or for a relationship. i was a driver when we met and she has been thru four peaks with me so she has a feel for what to expect. I HOPE haha

 

[dilligaf]

Congrats and good luck EDD!

 

[helenofcalifornia]

Just a question, but would any of you people think about getting a prenup now? It still irks me to no end that I must share part of my retirement with my ex. Grrr! Life!!

 

[dilligaf]

Good question, Helen. I wouldn't, but I am comfortable in my relationship.

 

[pickup]

I met my wife on the route. She was a receptionist at a building I delivered to every day. Her office was on the top floor of the building and I delivered to a basement with a secured door and camera that she controled. I'd have to use an intercom to page her to open the electronic door. She could see a human in the camera, but didn't have a clue as to my "GREAT LOOKS"(this is my story) and I didn't have a clue as to what she looked like. But after five years of chatting on this intercom, I took a chance and sent her flowers and asked her out from her secret admirer. It took her about two weeks to figure out who sent her the flowers. But she took the chance and we have been together and blessed by God with a fabulous understanding relationship.

She had never been married. Where as I was divorced and raising four children on my own. She took a chance on me and the clan. For that, We truely feel like we've been Blessed. We make everything work out positive and don't let UPS mess with our personal lives.

What I'm trying to point out is, UPS doesn't just destroy our lives. There are some positives for working at UPS.

(Outta hours...great post. So true)

Paul

what a great story, in more ways than one, If they were still making "Love , American Style" I could easily adapt it into a half hour segment. If they were still making the "Twilight Zone", I would just have to change it a bit to have the kick in the pants ending where you two actually meet ( you turn out to be both aliens living as biological humans planted on the earth but the catch is you're from two different planets that are warring with each other)

 

[pickup]

keep that good advice coming, im taking the plunge in October.

some of my fellow drivers have been real adamant about making sure she understands what this job can do or not do to or for a relationship. i was a driver when we met and she has been thru four peaks with me so she has a feel for what to expect. I HOPE haha

Run, Run, Run, as if the hounds of hades were nipping at your heels. I am just kidding . However, if you are taking that first sentence seriously, then Run, Run, Run.

 

[satellitedriver]

My wife and I did not just simply get married, we took a vow of marriage.
Through thick or thin.
UPS has not taken any time away from our marriage.
When we were first married, I was working two jobs and they were 20 miles apart and my wife worked 50hrs a week.
Then, I quit those jobs and worked 12hrs a day 6 days a week at one job.
We scrimped and saved ever penny, so we could buy 20 acres in the middle of no where.
We spent all our savings to bring electric lines and drill a water well.
We parked a 52ft mobile home on the land and made it a home.
My wife stayed in Houston and worked because we only had $200.00 left and it was going to be 2 weeks to get my first check from working in the coal mine. I got my first check and she came on up.
I worked 7 day rotating shifts with 1 day off in between shifts and 3 days off after the shift cycle.
My wife worked for a veterinarian (that's a whole thread, nothing like going to a dairy at 9 o'clock at night and palpating cows).
This thread is about marriage and I can address only my own, but I wanted to give a little background to mine.
Helenofcalifornia summed it up well with her analogy of two people walking on the same path going the same direction.
Take today, for example.
I am off this week and my mission was to clean my filthy dirt floor shop/barn out and re organize.
My wife was at my side all day. During a break, I told her that she did not need to be in all this filth and she just smiled at me and said I like to be near you.
So,
UPS has helped us stay on our 20 acres, but it has not taken away from our married life.
Quality over quantity, of time together, has been our secret of 31yrs of marriage.
A one second glance and smile from my wife can erase an 11hr day at UPS.
Two things are true in my life;
If I had not met Lu in 1975, I would have been dead by 1978.
The day I married Lu, I became a man.
UPS is just a means to an end, in my married life.

 

[dilligaf]

Awesome Sat!

 

[slantnosechevy]

A small part of why I got divorced was that my ex did not understand " the job.". I was working twilight, the kids were young, and for goodness sake, he had to watch the kids for the four hours I was at work. He thought I should quit UPS and get a day job. If I was a weaker person I might have done that. (UPS doesn't breed weak people, or if they do manage to get hired, they don't last long)

The job at UPS is really a two person job if you are married. The one that "stays at home" is the one that deserves a lot of credit if you have a good marriage. Very difficult to understand the long hours unless you are not both walking the same path in the same direction. And both have to "get the big picture."

Well said. I was talking to one of the female drivers and she was complaining about how she was having a tough time at home. Seems her hubby had an office job and was home by 5:15 everyday while she was getting home at 7:30-8:00 most days. Seems the guy was upset because she didn't get home early enough to cook dinner and demanded she cook dinner as soon as she walked in the door. She says he calls her 5 times a day wanting to know when she'll be home. She does everything at home while he sits on his *****. Thankfully there's no kids involved because this marriage won't last much longer. I told her to get themselves to a counselor. This guy needs a mommy not a wife. I know at least 12-15 male drivers who go through this daily so this was an eye opener for me to see it happen to a woman. Not that it can't it's just she never brought it to work until now.

 

[dilligaf]

Well said. I was talking to one of the female drivers and she was complaining about how she was having a tough time at home. Seems her hubby had an office job and was home by 5:15 everyday while she was getting home at 7:30-8:00 most days. Seems the guy was upset because she didn't get home early enough to cook dinner and demanded she cook dinner as soon as she walked in the door. She says he calls her 5 times a day wanting to know when she'll be home. She does everything at home while he sits on his *****. Thankfully there's no kids involved because this marriage won't last much longer. I told her to get themselves to a counselor. This guy needs a mommy not a wife. I know at least 12-15 male drivers who go through this daily so this was an eye opener for me to see it happen to a woman. Not that it can't it's just she never brought it to work until now.

It sounds like she needs someone to talk to, someone who will listen. It is a rough situation, not just for women but men as well. I went through a husband that needed a 'mother'. He was insecure and possesive. He is gone and I am better off for it.

 

[kingOFchester]

My wife and I did not just simply get married, we took a vow of marriage.
Through thick or thin.
UPS has not taken any time away from our marriage.
When we were first married, I was working two jobs and they were 20 miles apart and my wife worked 50hrs a week.
Then, I quit those jobs and worked 12hrs a day 6 days a week at one job.
We scrimped and saved ever penny, so we could buy 20 acres in the middle of no where.
We spent all our savings to bring electric lines and drill a water well.
We parked a 52ft mobile home on the land and made it a home.
My wife stayed in Houston and worked because we only had $200.00 left and it was going to be 2 weeks to get my first check from working in the coal mine. I got my first check and she came on up.
I worked 7 day rotating shifts with 1 day off in between shifts and 3 days off after the shift cycle.
My wife worked for a veterinarian (that's a whole thread, nothing like going to a dairy at 9 o'clock at night and palpating cows).
This thread is about marriage and I can address only my own, but I wanted to give a little background to mine.
Helenofcalifornia summed it up well with her analogy of two people walking on the same path going the same direction.
Take today, for example.
I am off this week and my mission was to clean my filthy dirt floor shop/barn out and re organize.
My wife was at my side all day. During a break, I told her that she did not need to be in all this filth and she just smiled at me and said I like to be near you.
So,
UPS has helped us stay on our 20 acres, but it has not taken away from our married life.
Quality over quantity, of time together, has been our secret of 31yrs of marriage.
A one second glance and smile from my wife can erase an 11hr day at UPS.
Two things are true in my life;
If I had not met Lu in 1975, I would have been dead by 1978.
The day I married Lu, I became a man.
UPS is just a means to an end, in my married life.

This singe post has brought back my faith in people. The world is not as bad as it looks in the news.

 

[UpstateNYUPSer(Ret)]

Good question, Helen. I wouldn't, but I am comfortable in my relationship.

"Honey, I love you, but would you mind signing this contract that protects me in case you decide to run off with the FedEx guy?"

 

[old levi's]

Just a question, but would any of you people think about getting a prenup now? It still irks me to no end that I must share part of my retirement with my ex. Grrr! Life!!

No. Wouldn't even consider it. Here is my opinion on the whole concept of the prenup. If you think you need a prenup you probably already know that you should not be marrying that person. If you think that any marriage should have a prenup you probably don't need to get married. It's a covenant, not a contract. The very idea of a prenup suggests that you expect the marriage to end in divorce. I'm just saying..........

 

[trplnkl]

It sounds like she needs someone to talk to, someone who will listen. It is a rough situation, not just for women but men as well. I went through a husband that needed a 'mother'. He was insecure and possesive. He is gone and I am better off for it.

Slant, Dilli is right about this gal driver needing to talk to someone about her problems at home. My advice is to tread lightly, very lightly. Sometimes, a lot of the time, a person in her position is so hungry for human kindness that when they find someone that will listen to them and not feel like a threat to them they for attachments. I know it doesn't always work out that way, but it is sure something you need to protect against.

 

[reydluap]

pickup.

My wife and I were laughing so hard this morning at breakfast reading your reply post. "Twighlight zone", now that's funny!!! I told her she's now "my little alien". Oh how we laughed! Thanks.

As for a prenup. In Iowa....forget it. Our laws are set up to 50/50 ownership on everything listed in both partners names. On my first marriage, years ago, I only took the 4 kids and their belongings, my clothes and bought a new house. Nothing in the house was worth fighting for, I already had the pot of gold. The children. All five of us made it work in the new to us house. My pictures on the wall were crayola drawings the kids brought home from school.......ah the good old days. The kids and I went to auctions and garage sales for a while to pick up odds and ends for the house. But we all laugh at the fun we had doing it,now when we talk about the past. Our youngest son teases my wife that "I picked up 'Mom' at a garage sale out of town with out them and brought her home". I'm blessed that the kids welcomed their stepmother with open arms and that we all get along so well.

Oh, I could ramble for hours on this topic. Life is good.

Paul

 

[UPSERNOJ]

I have always worked days and my husband nights. We did that specifically for the kids. Wanted to make sure someone was always at home. It is hard being that we only really spend quality time on the weekends, but we make the most of it.

There definitely has to be a mutual respect for one another. Granted, there are always ups and downs. That is just part of life. Living, loving and growing.

 

[over9five]

No. Wouldn't even consider it. Here is my opinion on the whole concept of the prenup. If you think you need a prenup you probably already know that you should not be marrying that person. If you think that any marriage should have a prenup you probably don't need to get married. It's a covenant, not a contract. The very idea of a prenup suggests that you expect the marriage to end in divorce. I'm just saying..........

My belief exactly. Signing a pre-nup is planning a divorce.

Don't get married!