My Brown/Cafe survey/challenge for new hires

[Thebrowntruth]

All,
I hate to ask but I'm gonna give this a try. We had the pleasure of 11 fine individuals come in for a second interview and building tour. We are, like so many others, short staffed and trying to hire quicker than they quit (No comments please about the pay or workload...it's out of my hands as a front liner).

As a few managers left last time we had a walk around they spoke of the challenge for front line sups to mold these people into UPSers. Then one got in his BMW and the other his Lexus and drove off into the sunset. BTW, think they had this choice of new hires 20 years ago when they were supervisors and the wage rate was almost the same!!!!!!

I will except all contributions of taped Dr. Phil episodes, English to Spanish translation dictonaries and Hooked on Phonics books you may have to assist in the molding function of my job. Please send them in care of:

The Mike & Scott Show
Atlanta, GA.

Until then, here are the candidates, who do you think i should bring aboard. And please remember they will be loading YOUR trucks and for you short timers and retirees they will be doing the workload that keeps your pension rolling in.

#1 and #2 - ah yes we start off with two physically capable guys. The downside is their records. One a convicted Pyromaniac and the other convicted and served for Aggr. Murder
Negatives - its over 90 degrees in the building now, not much use for pyro man until peak when the heat is out.
Positives - drivers not too likely to complain about eithers loading skills

#3- #5 - here we have the 3 hip hop stooges. Note to new hires...its highly unlikely that at an interview your future boss wants to see your butt or underwear unless your job involves dancing and a pole. None of their feet left the ground as they slid around the building slowly dragging along their pants.
Positives - I could let word get out that i think one of them had a nice and then demand a transfer anywhere in the country after word gets out my lifestyle might be "different".

#6 - kind of the Curly Joe to the stooges above. Apparently this "wanna be" who thought the dress code was the same for young guys of Irish decent who were coming to interviews. Again he too couldnt pick up his feet when he "rolled" around the building.

#7 and #8. A guy and lady, both in their 40's. Nice enough but if they were any heavier the NFL would be looking at future star nose tackles. Bending at knees to lift? It would be nice if they could since neither has seen their toes in a few years. Almost winded them walking around the building.
Positives - I dont look as bad in shorts as i thought

#9 - ahhhh the christmas tree kid. If he had one more ornament hanging from his pierced head i would have thrown some lights on him and had the drivers sing me a XMAS song to start off PCM. I hope no magnets come down the slides loose if he comes aboard
Positives - I love the holidays so he would always be good for a smile.

#10 - 30 something STONER. He has recovered but looks and smelled like a train wreck. More chemistry in his system than your local drug store but we dont test for part-timers so he's a keeper.
Positives - If injured at work his body wont realize it until he has been home a few hours.

#11 - average, quiet, 20 something. She is a definate
Bonus points - she speaks English!!!

So there is my dilema all. Which ones do i bring aboard? They already made it through their first HR interview so i just need to green light them. Its the first browncafe socialogy experiment. Ill keep you posted on their progress. Which numbers do you want and please let me know if you are a driver, preloader, supv, etc.

And you probably dont want to know this but we need 12 people. Who will it be that couldnt crack this group of eleven. I cant wait to see

 

[retired]

Re: My Brown/Cafe survery/challenge for new hires

1 Great description, that was one of the funniest threads that I've read in a long time. Too bad its probably true.

 

[over9five]

Re: My Brown/Cafe survery/challenge for new hires

Great post, very funny!

I think you should take them all, and see who makes it.

 

[moreluck]

Re: My Brown/Cafe survery/challenge for new hires

I vote for the older # 7 & #8.

Although they may be heavy, if they can hang in there a little while, the weight will disappear and you can't beat the work ethics of the older people. They'll show up for work and on time.

Very funny post.....thoroughly enhoyed it.

 

[scratch]

Re: My Brown/Cafe survery/challenge for new hires

Number 1, Pyro Kid, might be OK if you keep a fire extinguisher nearby. I wouldn't hire #2, a murderer probably isn't a good choice. 3-6 might work out, if you made it a condition that they wore a belt because it is a safety issue. Moreluck is right about 7 and 8, in this heat they will slim down in no time and be ready for Peak. 9 sounds like winner. He probably has a lot of funny looking tattoos, he would be good for laughs. The Stoner, #10, would fit in with about half the other workers. And number 11 sounds good, the communication skills are important. These sound like the folks we get at my Hub. On a serious note though, the last couple of months we got a couple of new Package Drivers, and they look to be 45 to 55 years old! No kidding1

 

[txminer]

Re: My Brown/Cafe survery/challenge for new hires

I would hire the murderer just keep him at the end of the belt always make sure everyone tells him he is doing a great job. I would also hire the fatties. Throw them in the trailers and they will drop 30 apiece before peak. Hire # 11 and there you go you have 4 new hires. Driver here always like the fatties when I was on 30 day probation 24 yrs. ago none of the drivers thought I would make it. By 30 days I went from a size 40 pants to a 36. Who needs Pilates.

 

[dannyboy]

Re: My Brown/Cafe survery/challenge for new hires

BT

I can feel your pain. We have a couple of black drivers and one had been very vocal about the lack of black people in our center. The personnel manager who by the way was also black heard him ranting to some other drivers about the situation and remarked "well send in all your friends neighbors and relatives to apply for the jobs". It turns out that the vast majority of the black guys and gals that applied could not be bonded for a large assortment of crimes, and the drivers own two sons who were hired both quit within a couple of weeks. That pretty much stopped that griping.

It used to be that UPS was the place to go for jobs. One of my friends drives for southeastern, and even with a starting wage of $15 an hour for working on the dock, they still cant find people willing.

So I guess at least a body is a body. And even though you managed to put a funny spin to your post, the underlying problem is anything but funny.

d

 

[beentheredonethat]

Re: My Brown/Cafe survery/challenge for new hires

We did a skit back when I was in the hub 14 years ago. The skit was roasting the HR people on their first interviews. A new hire came in and HR asked him to roll up his sleeve so they could take his puse. The new hire, said he didn't realize UPS did physicals before hiring. The HR rep said, no, we are just checking to see if you had a pulse. If you do, You're hired.

 

[toonertoo]

Re: My Brown/Cafe survery/challenge for new hires

I saw the same thing at my center, and they were talking on their cell phone during the tour, and guess who got hired!!!!!!
But the nice, well dressed,(although casual) picked his feet up, took his hat off, left his phone in the truck, and never once had to pull up his pants did not get hired yet. When I walk outside the building, they are all their smoking, When I was PT you got A break, and that was it, these guys stand out there half the night, who ever heard of smoke breaks at UPS????
Its a sad state.

 

[DS]

Re: My Brown/Cafe survery/challenge for new hires

interesting post
Ok lets assume since we`re so desparate for employees,we hire them all in the optomistic
hope that they will all become happy,productive,upsers . Effective job placement is the answer.
1 pyrokid,should be in charge of dangerous goods,after all he deserves the right to prove he`s overcome his past mistakes.
2 murderer should be an account exec,any company that decides to switch to Fedex will think twice after a visit from him.
3-6 Our new loss prevention team.Put them in charge of high value items like cell phones .
7-8 why waste time,if they are already fat,make them both center managers right off the bat...they`ll clue in fast.
9 lets put this guy in charge of smalls.He knows that good things come in small packages.
10 I suggest the customer counter for Mr. stinky.
He will learn fast how offensive some people can be and will surely clean up his act
11 How about driver helper for her,
I promise I wont touch her

 

[over9five]

Re: My Brown/Cafe survery/challenge for new hires

That was awesome, DS!

 

[diadlover]

Re: My Brown/Cafe survery/challenge for new hires

I'm just happy to finally see that you guys are hiring based on physical appearance only. I've been screaming that for years. Hire all of them except #8. No fat chicks. Fat chicks suck.

http://i30.photobucket.com/albums/c348/naomirealtor1/images.jpg

 

[BROWN OBSERVER]

Re: My Brown/Cafe survery/challenge for new hires

Don't hire #11...remember the movie "Men in Black"? The part where the candidates were told to shoot the bad guys in a mock street scene. Will Smith chose to shoot the little girl carrying her books. Hire any of the other ten.............#11 looks too normal, she might be an alien.

 

[Thebrowntruth]

Re: My Brown/Cafe survery/challenge for new hires

interesting post
Ok lets assume since we`re so desparate for employees,we hire them all in the optomistic
hope that they will all become happy,productive,upsers . Effective job placement is the answer.
1 pyrokid,should be in charge of dangerous goods,after all he deserves the right to prove he`s overcome his past mistakes.
2 murderer should be an account exec,any company that decides to switch to Fedex will think twice after a visit from him.
3-6 Our new loss prevention team.Put them in charge of high value items like cell phones .
7-8 why waste time,if they are already fat,make them both center managers right off the bat...they`ll clue in fast.
9 lets put this guy in charge of smalls.He knows that good things come in small packages.
10 I suggest the customer counter for Mr. stinky.
He will learn fast how offensive some people can be and will surely clean up his act
11 How about driver helper for her,
I promise I wont touch her

Double,

I have to thank you, I got a kick from all the responses but you brother had me laughing to the point of tears. Then again I think I was already crying from the sad state of our future employees.

 

[hr]

Re: My Brown/Cafe survery/challenge for new hires

I'm right there with you brother. I've seen that group a thousand times, next time everyone in my office will probably wonder why I'm laughing.

 

[over9five]

Re: My Brown/Cafe survery/challenge for new hires

Another thread all for fun!

Soon the PC police will show up and ruin it!

 

[new2ups]

Re: My Brown/Cafe survery/challenge for new hires

That post is so funny.

I am going on my fourth week as a pre-loader. I love it. They seem to be really happy with me. My full-time sup gave me a ups visor and I wear it with pride. As far as hiring, I'm suprised there are not more people like me applying. I left a 13 dollar an hour job for part-time at UPS. I thought everyting was great at my past job until my daughter was born. They wanted to charge me $600 a month for family health insurance coverage. I would have a net monthly of $700 after taxes. Most people don't seem to know how good they have got it.
I am dedicated to UPS because of the benefits and the chance to move up.

P.S. No criminal record, drugs, DUI's, 32 years old, 2 tatoos, no piercings
[EVIL]I would go with the pyro [/EVIL]

 

[dannyboy]

Re: My Brown/Cafe survery/challenge for new hires

If that is your baby, its a good thing she takes after your wife. Cute kid. Funny how they change your life.

With your attitude toward work, you should have no problem getting where you want to go. It just might take you a while.

d

 

[new2ups]

Re: My Brown/Cafe survery/challenge for new hires

Thanks Danny.

She is mine and thank god she looks like my wife. When she is sixteen, I will thank UPS. I will be huge from lifting all those packages, the boys better treat her good or I will go 1200 packages an hour on their forehead.

 

[trickpony1]

Re: My Brown/Cafe survery/challenge for new hires

new2ups-
Start saving your money now for the tattoo removal. If they are visible and can't be covered by a long sleeve shirt then you can't be a pkg. driver.
It wasn't like this until a short time ago and, suddenly, the company says we can't have tattoo's.
Welcome to "our" company.