Now I have heard it all (maybe)

[Upsmule]

I just say no clue and walk away. It does get tiring trying to come up with witty replies every time.

Yep. I just usually say, "its a box." And sometimes add...."They call me SuperMan but I can't see through them" Hey....ask a stupid question....

 

[oldngray]

Yep. I just usually say, "its a box."

Slap yourself. Its a parcel. Or so the sups are brainwashed to think at their training.
​

 

['Lord Brown's bidding']

Now that sir, is Gangster.

Used that way, it's "gangsta'"....

 

['Lord Brown's bidding']

You guys have some awesome lines in this thread! I find myself looking forward to Monday so I can use them. "Dude with the daughter, you WANT TO ask me a silly question about this box, don't you? DON'T YOU?!!"

Hoping we get the thunderstorm forecast to break the heat so I won't pass out in my enthusiasm to use these....

 

[104Feeder]

For me the ones that really got under my skin were the people who were all gung-ho about starting up their multi-level marketing business (Amway, Quixtar, Meleluca etc.) and wanted to make me listen to their spiel instead of just signing for their stuff and letting me be on my way. You can see it in their eyes; they visualize you driving around all day peddling their soap or vitamins or whatever right out the back of the truck to everyone you meet. I had one guy tell me "he read in the news" that UPS was "about to start massive layoffs nationwide" and that I really ought to get on board his fantastic business opportunity while I still had the chance. This conversation occured at around 7 at night in late November, so I politely explained to him that the likelihood of me being laid off in the coming weeks was fairly remote.

Certainly don't miss the pitches for mulit-level marketing scams. Yeah, as if I've been slogging it out in this job for decades because I've just been waiting to toss it aside for your get-rich-quick scheme. One guy was very upset I wouldn't go for his whole house computer system that did home security, internet, and video gaming. It was so pathetic I bet Vince couldn't sell it for $19.99. The straight up Ponzi schemes are good too, one here was called "the Gifting Tree". Give them $5k and in a few weeks you would get paid (someone elses money). I wonder how they liked Federal Prison?

 

[browniehound]

I've gotten to the point that I just tell them its a cardboard box. I'm not being a smartass, I just tell them the truth, it usually shuts them up.

Another set of customers ask me "who is the package from", I tell them its from me to you. That one tends to piss them off just enough so they understand they are being idiots.

That's what I say now. When they ask what is it, I say a package (really, what else am I supposed to say?). Sometimes I get a look and "Well DUH, I know that". That's when I answer that "My answer was almost as dumb as your question buddy. have a nice day".

 

[NI1]

We all have heard this..... 'my dog don't bite, he just want to lick you to death' (while the dog growling ready to eat you)

 

[didyousheetit]

We all have heard this..... 'my dog don't bite, he just want to lick you to death' (while the dog growling ready to eat you)

I've been bit seven different times three of them as I'm being told "he don't bite" . The only one that caused any problems was by a german shepard

 

[didyousheetit]

I use this when I'm delivering a box that obviously has seen better days and says handle with care on it.
customer " that sure looks beat up"
me " it says handle with care, well care didn't show up so it's only me that has it"

 

[rocket man]

del a 2 day ground women came out said said it was late / i told her well its a ground and its not yesterday and its not tomorow so it must be today it must be on time she tiook took the package and said you can go.

 

[OPTION3]

Swing driving I had a lady at an office say You're not our regular driver.

I reply. Whad? Dust bedause I daf a deach impdimid I'm nod good edough do dediver dour padiges? (What? Just because I have a speech impediment I'm not good enough to deliver your packages?)

She freaks out saying No,No,No! I didn't mean that as she signs and I walk out.

Next day I go in and she's all apologetic. Sorry, sorry,sorry.

I take back the diad and in perfectly clear speech say Don't worry about it. It's OK.

​
I've had the same thing said to me....I respond with "i take fiber every day....I'm QUITE regular, Thank you!"

 

[NI1]

I have said something shady too.. Lol

On my way to the highest part of the building I was in an elevator, this one person got in and farted and then got off the elevator about a few floors up. After that, someone got in and smelled the fart but I was the only one there, and he was looking at me like I was the one who did it.... I said 'it's not me' and he wasn't buying it lol

 

[BSWALKS]

I have said something shady too.. Lol

On my way to the highest part of the building I was in an elevator, this one person got in and farted and then got off the elevator about a few floors up. After that, someone got in and smelled the fart but I was the only one there, and he was looking at me like I was the one who did it.... I said 'it's not me' and he wasn't buying it lol

it was me (short) (liar liar) - YouTube

 

[kingOFchester]

One of the things I hate most is unpleasant people. Like when you say thank you or have a great day and the person says nothing in return. It drives me nuts.

Me: "Thanks, have a great night!"
Them: (silence)
ME: "Well thank you, you have a great night as well"

 

[Re-Raise]

Whenever someone comments about their package being in rough shape, I always take the package and turn it so the best side faces them. Then I say" I am sorry, they told us the first day of driver school to always turn the bad side away from the customer"

 

[browniehound]

Delivering beat up packages is one of the worst parts of the job. Another bad part is delivering packages that say "team lift" or "Mech. lift"on them. I don't have a team on the package car and I certainly don't have a fork lift. How can UPS accept these packages in good faith from our shippers. Most of these 140 lb. parcels (especially things like shelfs, book cases, tables or entertainment centers)are beat to high hell and are a true embarrassment to show up at a consignee with them.

One day I had a 130 lb. door on my truck going to a residence. I could barely move the thing and this guy in his 50's just stood there while I struggled with it for minutes getting it out of the truck in his driveway. That was all fine and dandy until he yelled at me when it fell out of my hands as I was putting it down. "BE careful that's glass!", he barked. Its one tiime I lost my cool and snapped back "It weighs more than me and you're just standing there with your hands in your pocket. Give me a friend---- break! I could have broke my neck" and I took off totally disgusted.

 

[Big Babooba]

Somebody I never see before stops me and asks, "Do you have a package for me?" I always answer, "Nope, nothing for anybody named Me".

 

[Returntosender]

A driver story. One day woman kept calling the phone center and telling UPS how she needed her package by a certain time it's an emergency. Driver got a message and was told to deliver this package by this time. Driver was thinking is this package medicine? The package label was VSC. Driver said woman had few teeth, might of been a meth addict?

 

[Covemastah]

How are the roads ??? This classic never goes away during a storm !!

 

[Covemastah]

My all-time favorite is still the guy who came to the door on a snowy Christmas eve around 830 at nite in his little reindeer apron with the fresh smell of hot cookies in his upscale yuppie home and with an all serious voice says '' Are they Keepin Yah busy ???? '' God I wanted to just slap him !!!!