There's always a silver lining...

Discussion in 'UPS Discussions' started by iamlosingpatience, Dec 7, 2018.

  1. iamlosingpatience

    iamlosingpatience New Member

    I regret to admit I've been dealing with a nasty hemorrhoid, my fellow upsers. It first reared it's ugly bulging head about a week into the seasonal helper job. I've never had the pleasure of dealing with one before (being a younger guy) so I had to reluctantly borrow a tube of cream from my uncle's medicine cabinet, and I've been religiously applying it to my orifice daily.

    So today I met my driver at the designated spot.... just like any other day. Jumped in the truck, donned my vest and gloves, and buckled up for the long, monotonous, ride ahead. All was well until about the 3rd or 4th stop, when carrying several heavy boxes to the door; I stooped down to gently set them down on the porch, only to hear a loud Rrrriiiiippp ..... F.uck! The a s s of my pants had been parted like the Red Sea.

    Thankfully, my driver had a little dollar-store-type sewing kit in the truck and I was able to quick and dirty sew the ass crack shut. It looked as if a blind kindergartener with Parkinson's had mended it, as I was sewing as fast I could so we could get back on the road, but it held for most of the day.

    I just want to say that I normally go commando. Had it not been for my hemorrhoid and the cream applied to my butt crack, I would not have worn underwear today and would have really been in trouble. There's always something positive to be gleaned from the negative....
     
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  2. soberups

    soberups Pees in the brown Koolaid

    Thanks for sharing...
     
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  3. Jackburton

    Jackburton Gone Fish'n

    Another positive, in 3 weeks you won’t work here.

    Guess who that’s positive for, hint; it’s everyone having to read your post.
     
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  4. Indecisi0n

    Indecisi0n Well-Known Member

    We will be revisting this thread in January.
     
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  5. iamlosingpatience

    iamlosingpatience New Member

    You're welcome!
     
  6. Jackburton

    Jackburton Gone Fish'n

    Who’s we, you and this guy’s hemorrhoid?
     
  7. iamlosingpatience

    iamlosingpatience New Member

    I'm sorry you were forced at gunpoint to read this post and reply to it! Have a great weekend!
     
  8. Indecisi0n

    Indecisi0n Well-Known Member

    I can not answer that.
     
  9. Jackburton

    Jackburton Gone Fish'n

    Sounds like it will be a lot better than yours.
     
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  10. Indecisi0n

    Indecisi0n Well-Known Member

    How is everything doing down there ? Only asking as a concerned fellow co-worker.
     
  11. iamlosingpatience

    iamlosingpatience New Member

    It's slowly getting better. Can't say the same for my pride, every time I log on to browncafe. Thanks for asking
     
  12. Indecisi0n

    Indecisi0n Well-Known Member

    If there is anything you need I am here to help.
     
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  13. iamlosingpatience

    iamlosingpatience New Member

    I need a raise and a pillow to tape to my seat.
     
  14. Indecisi0n

    Indecisi0n Well-Known Member

    Ask the driver if you can drive. Their seats have more cushion.
     
  15. dookie stain

    dookie stain Cornfed whiteboy

    I actually laughed out loud at this. Your descriptions are amazing
     
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  16. CoolStoryBro

    CoolStoryBro Active Member

    Cool story, bro.
     
  17. DumbTruckDriver

    DumbTruckDriver Allergic to cardboard.

    Don’t spend so much time on the can.
     
  18. Wally

    Wally BrownCafe Innovator & King of Puns

    Why?
     
  19. oldngray

    oldngray nowhere special

    pics-253.jpg
     
  20. Indecisi0n

    Indecisi0n Well-Known Member

    Shhhhhh my child.