Marriage.......And the UPS'er

[stevetheupsguy]

I couldn't find anything on this particular topic, so here goes. I was thinking about marriage and how this job can affect a marriage. This also pertains to any relationship that is the equivalent of marriage. I have a buddy who is having a rough go of it right now. It's not just this job, but all of the added things that go along the way. For instance, how does one get their alone time, when the only time one can be alone, is on the weekend (usually), and this is the only time one gets to spend alone with their partner?

There are so many good and bad things that surround marriage. I was thinking that if we could sound off about them, it would give sage advice to those that are about to take the plunge, those that have just begun the journey or even those old seasoned UPS'ers that never saw that particular point of view. Don't hold back, even if you consider what you would say, to be useless or insignificant, as these things may add considerable wisdom to someone else.

 

[dilligaf]

I kind of have a unique perspective on alone time. We get our alone time all week long. I don't mean 'we' as in UPSers, I mean 'we' as in me, at home. I am sure there are other UPSers that have a similar situation as I do but I would bet we aren't many. See, my hubby is a truck driver and we are on completely opposite schedules. The only time I get to see him is on the weekends. So we each get our alone time all week long. It works very well for us.

Your question Steve poses a difficult situation. Spouses have to be tolerant of their mates needs for down time and if there is no tolerance it creates all kinds of other problems. Communication is the key. Have you ever read "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"? I would suggest reading it. It makes alot of sense. It puts relationships into a perspective that most people can understand. Ya, it's a self-help but what it says is amazingly true if you approach it with an open mind and really want to work on your relationship with your mate.

 

[speeddemon]

My kids have more of an effect on alone time than does UPS. We are both in it for the long haul, and are committed to each other no matter what.

 

[bigbrownhen]

This job can take a toll on us and we sometimes bring it home. I feel for anyone who has to live with us during peak.
The best way to deal, is try to leave it at work. I know, easier said than done. Make what little time we have a home the best part of your day.
My hubby and I are sounding boards for each other, though I tend to vent more. I don't always like his view on somethings, but he keeps me grounded.
As for "me" time, it is important, but with kids and a house to tend to, there isn't much of it. Thats what BC is for,lol.
The best advice I could give to someone just starting out; "Get the big picture" Keep your priorities straight. Your family comes first. Things will be a little hard some days, but there is always another day.

 

[slantnosechevy]

Best thing that the company ever did was let wives be runners at peak some years ago. I talked with 4 wives at our driver xmas party(no mngmnt.)and was amazed at how understanding they were. Knowing them for years, I saw an about face. All said, " we had no clue."

 

[partykid]

PLEASE tell me your DM name so i can get him or her to N.C. so WE can also do this...LOL WE would love to have that chance!!

 

[Cementups]

I think that I am very fortunate to have been with my wife since I started on Preload almost 16 years ago. I had already wroked their 8 months when her and I met so she knew I had a crazy schedule. She's always understood even when I worked over nights or took doubles and did split shifts like working preload and then coming in at noon to work the afternoon Preload sort (when we had one). I think that truely helps in her understanding of all the hours I put in.

It would make it better if UPS got their butts in gear and got us back to getting out of the building before 8am. When i first started driving 13 years ago, our start time was 7:40. Now we start at 8:40. But all this happened as ew started letting companies abuse us and demanding later pickup times so that THEY could satisfy customers needs quicker. So when you push back these customeers pickup times, then you push back the driver's back to building times which pushes back the unloads time and the dominoes just keep falling from there.

 

[helenofcalifornia]

A small part of why I got divorced was that my ex did not understand " the job.". I was working twilight, the kids were young, and for goodness sake, he had to watch the kids for the four hours I was at work. He thought I should quit UPS and get a day job. If I was a weaker person I might have done that. (UPS doesn't breed weak people, or if they do manage to get hired, they don't last long)

The job at UPS is really a two person job if you are married. The one that "stays at home" is the one that deserves a lot of credit if you have a good marriage. Very difficult to understand the long hours unless you are not both walking the same path in the same direction. And both have to "get the big picture."

 

[fethrs]

Even though I'm not a driver I sometimes come home from work cranky and tired. I'm lucky enough that my hubby has the patience to deal with it in a positive way.

I don't get as much alone time as I would like, I am more of a loner at home than he is. I prefer my alone time while he likes company and talking. It's not a big issue but I do like it when he's gone all day.

Right now I don't see my job as a threat to my marriage. I've been at UPS longer than I've been married, it's like UPS is my second marriage....lol. It's not, I don't spend near as much time there as most of you folks do, but it's still a huge part of my life.

 

[rod]

Even though I'm not a driver I sometimes come home from work cranky and tired. I'm lucky enough that my hubby has the patience to deal with it in a positive way.

I don't get as much alone time as I would like, I am more of a loner at home than he is. I prefer my alone time while he likes company and talking. It's not a big issue but I do like it when he's gone all day.

Right now I don't see my job as a threat to my marriage. I've been at UPS longer than I've been married, it's like UPS is my second marriage....lol. It's not, I don't spend near as much time there as most of you folks do, but it's still a huge part of my life.

Retirement years should be interesting for you as your spouse will be underfoot all day------- unless you allow him or her to come and go as they please. If they are the type that can't prepare a meal for themselves or share the house work retirement can be tough. My wife and I always start out the day with a little "what you up to today session". We then decide if we are going to actually do a supper together or will be busy so its a feed youself night. Its always fix your own lunch and breakfast depends on if one or the other feels like cooking otherwise its cold cereal and toast. We are both totally independent beings that have our own friends and interests but still enjoy each others company and have our own fun together. I feel sorry for couples where either the wife or the husband can't do anything without the other one having be be right there. We have a calendar that sits right by the computer where we write down any appointments , plans or get-aways that are coming up in the future and we both respect the others pre-planned time. Works for us.

 

[fethrs]

We are both totally independent beings that have our own friends and interests but still enjoy each others company and have our own fun together. I feel sorry for couples where either the wife or the husband can't do anything without the other one having be be right there. .

Same here, if we weren't able to do things without each other sometimes, with our seperate friends, this marriage would not last.

I am not a mommy nor am I a babysitter. We can each do things without the other around all the time. It needs to be like that, it works better.

 

[trplnkl]

The only way working at UPS was a factor in my first marriage was the money I earned as a driver somehow turned my wife into an irresponsible spender. Until I started driving, we lived literally one paycheck at a time. She was a very good steward of out finances and I allowed her to be in charge. Then almost out of the blue she became a buy today, pay the day after tomorrow spender. This was only part of the overall divorce picture, but a large part.

The wonderful woman I am married to now, likes spending as much time with me as I do with her. We are both very understanding of each others needs and do everything we can to see that they are taken care of in every way. Sometimes she has to work odd hours as do I, it's part of our respective jobs and is something we just have to deal with. The mutual respect of each other seems to go a long way.

 

[Catatonic]

The only way working at UPS was a factor in my first marriage was the money I earned as a driver somehow turned my wife into an irresponsible spender. Until I started driving, we lived literally one paycheck at a time. She was a very good steward of out finances and I allowed her to be in charge. Then almost out of the blue she became a buy today, pay the day after tomorrow spender. This was only part of the overall divorce picture, but a large part.

The wonderful woman I am married to now, likes spending as much time with me as I do with her. We are both very understanding of each others needs and do everything we can to see that they are taken care of in every way. Sometimes she has to work odd hours as do I, it's part of our respective jobs and is something we just have to deal with. The mutual respect of each other seems to go a long way.

Finances are the #1 cause of marital strife ... don't feel like the Lone Ranger. Definitely the #1 conflict in my marriage but we've reached a point of compromise over the years.

 

[trplnkl]

Finances are the #1 cause of marital strife ... don't feel like the Lone Ranger. Definitely the #1 conflict in my marriage but we've reached a point of compromise over the years.

I wouldn't say it was #1 for mine, but it sure was in the top 5.
Like I said, she kept all the books, I had no idea of the amount of debt we owed until we separated and volunteered to take the responsibility of all the credit cards. WOWZER!!!!! what a shock.

 

[dilligaf]

.............................................. The mutual respect of each other seems to go a long way.

Same here, if we weren't able to do things without each other sometimes, with our seperate friends, this marriage would not last.

I am not a mommy nor am I a babysitter. We can each do things without the other around all the time. It needs to be like that, it works better.

...................................................... We are both totally independent beings that have our own friends and interests but still enjoy each others company and have our own fun together. I feel sorry for couples where either the wife or the husband can't do anything without the other one having be be right there. We have a calendar that sits right by the computer where we write down any appointments , plans or get-aways that are coming up in the future and we both respect the others pre-planned time. Works for us.

Each of these are so important in any relationship. Communication, respect, independence (and many others).

Rod, I would add that not only do we each have our own friends but we like each others friends as well, there is no (or very little) strife when it comes to doing things with the others friends.

 

[reydluap]

Best thing that the company ever did was let wives be runners at peak some years ago. I talked with 4 wives at our driver xmas party(no mngmnt.)and was amazed at how understanding they were. Knowing them for years, I saw an about face. All said, " we had no clue."

Oh so true! My wife and a co-drivers wife were our driver helpers a few years ago. My co-worker and I had routes that crossed each other in the day. We'd "swap" wives for a day for conversation and teasing during delivery. The "girls" would laugh and go with the first "brown dude" they could catch. Of course, the 4 of us are best friends off the clock also. Because we all knew each other so well, we were two well performing teams all the time. I would go in the building in the morning and tell dispatch to "just get the packages in the truck" and we'd take care of it out on the routes(Pre PAS, I might add). Both of our wives loved it. It really made them understand our business lives.

We all pretty much work long hours. We get off work in the early to mid evening. So, My wife figured that since UPS takes up my time from 8:30am to about 7:30pm five nights a week. Just out smart the system. My wife and I get up for "our time" around 4:45am to 5:00am in in the morning to do "our" stuff. Read the paper and chat, go shopping for groceries (no one's in the stores) and such. We usually go to bed in the evening around 8:30 to 9:00pm. We just chose to control "our time" to fit our needs.

Just a thought..........................we have gone too many years without a disagreement. Our setup works for us, I still chase her around the house. Take it at will.......

Paul

 

[pickup]

I kind of have a unique perspective on alone time. We get our alone time all week long. I don't mean 'we' as in UPSers, I mean 'we' as in me, at home. I am sure there are other UPSers that have a similar situation as I do but I would bet we aren't many. See, my hubby is a truck driver and we are on completely opposite schedules. The only time I get to see him is on the weekends. So we each get our alone time all week long. It works very well for us.

Your question Steve poses a difficult situation. Spouses have to be tolerant of their mates needs for down time and if there is no tolerance it creates all kinds of other problems. Communication is the key. Have you ever read "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"? I would suggest reading it. It makes alot of sense. It puts relationships into a perspective that most people can understand. Ya, it's a self-help but what it says is amazingly true if you approach it with an open mind and really want to work on your relationship with your mate.

did you ever go into a book store and go to the self help section and notice , out of all the sections in the store, this is the one with people camped out reading books, blocking the isles and making it hard to for others to navigate and find the books they are looking for? Generally, the books are arranged alphabetically and when I zero in on the correct section, invariably, there will be some slacked jawed person sitting on the floor with his back blocking the section that probably has my book. I'll say excuse me and the person will give me the stink eye. I think if a lot of the perpetual dwellers of the self help section learned to practice a little more consideration, they would have less of a need to read self help books in their attempts to find peace of mind. Am I the only one that has noticed this?

 

[outta hours]

I don't blame UPS for my recent divorce. There were many factors. I think we as UPSer's tend to give UPS more credit than is due for the negative circumstances or outcomes in our lives. Sure it's a tough place to work,but so is every other job left in America.

It's easy to blame our working at UPS for all of our personal problems, much easier than accepting responsibility for our own actions. Do the hours and conditions at UPS have the possibility of impacting our marriages and relationships? Of course, but only if we allow them to.

If UPS caused your relationship to fail it was just a matter of time before some other outside stimulus resulted in the same outcome. Hence your relationship was flawed anyway. Work harder at your relationships and on improving yourself. Working at UPS is a living, but it is not a life. Don't get the two confused.

 

[helenofcalifornia]

Sorry about your recent divorce. Nothing nice about a divorce.

 

[UpstateNYUPSer(Ret)]

Sorry about your recent divorce. Nothing nice about a divorce.

My ex would beg to differ.