Things customers should know

[PeasAndCarrots]

I'll start:

If there's multiple wasps flying around your door, don't be surprised if I don't hang around to knock. You'll be lucky if the package is by the door at all.

 

[alwaysoverallowed]

I'm not here to make friends I'm here to make money.
That means the following:

I'm not carrying this lay-z boy from qvc into your house.

This paper is going in the stock room on this floor not the mailroom on the 8th.

C.O.D. Stands for COLLECT on delivery NOT CASH, no money order? sorry you're SOL AND NO I don't have a phone you can call me on call the 1-800 number and I'm sorry you have to wait on hold and you can understand the person who answers.

Yes it's raining/cold/hot out there.

Sorry chief you don't pay my salary so I don't care if you complain.

If you do call you're not going to get me fired.

No I don't know your cousin that worked as a helper during the 70s in Baton Rouge.

Yeah we're hiring go to ups jobs.com

 

[box_beeyotch]

Don't forget "well I don't remember ordering this..." Or "hey you guys make a lot of money don't you"

 

[Knothead]

Painting your house number the same color of your house doesn't help anyone.

 

[ChickenLegs]

If you want your doorbell rang then clear the spiderwebs and nasty mold off of it

 

[Operational needs]

No, I won't call you using my cell phone so you can rush home from work, supposedly 5 minutes away.

And if you have a shared driveway with 10 other houses, thank you for putting your house number on your mailbox, but could you go one further and put a number on your HOUSE?

And yes, if I left a doortag on your door yesterday, saying someone must be present to sign for package, I DO need someone to sign.

 

[Knothead]

Regardless what you may say or think, your dog does indeed bite. Put him away and you can have your package.

 

[Operational needs]

Also, I hear the Farmer's Almanac is predicting an ugly winter. Please, for the love of God, shovel your sidewalks and driveways, especially if they are a mile long. If it's not safe to get to your door, I'm not risking life and limb to get there. You'll find your package at the mailbox at the end of your driveway.

 

[OPTION3]

Peeping through the blinds.....then yelling”I’m Here” from the fourth floor, once I’m in the truck won’t work....see ya tomorrow

 

[PASinterference]

No matter how many times I say UPS when you say who is it - you still wont understand me and get off your lazy and look out the window.

 

[tapatio75]

I dont yell, shout or talk to doors asking me who is it or what do I want, you either open the door or you get a delivery notice


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[Pooter]

Change your cat litter.

Unless of course, you enjoy your house smelling like cat piss.

 

[brownmonster]

If your box is on the porch and I'm back in the truck, no I dont need a signature.

 

[Re-Raise]

If your dog is growling next to you inside the house, don't open the door and let him out. Wait until I leave please.

 

[tapatio75]

Just because we work together doesn't mean that I know where is your regular driver or why is he off again


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[oldngray]

Do you know Joe (insert random name)? He works at UPS.

 

[joeboodog]

When I am delivering your house at 7:50 in the evening, I am well aware I am working late.

 

[oldngray]

When I am delivering your house at 7:50 in the evening, I am well aware I am working late.

And when its 6 pm but dark because its winter doesn't mean I'm working late.

 

[bumped]

No matter how many times I say UPS when you say who is it - you still wont understand me and get off your lazy and look out the window.

They can hear me when I say I'll be back tomorrow. The door miraculously flies open.

 

[scisector9]

No sir or ma'am i have no idea what it is or what's in it

Yes you can sign your name obviously you are not Bob smith as I see you have breasts and yes your name not his and no it doesn't matter that he is not currently in the office.

Yes I know my socks are adorable and match my uniform

No I don't really have time to (insert random silly request) unless a shipper