Amusing UPS Stories

EAM_Master

Part-Time'er for Life!
During peak of 2000 I was working the local sort. Because we were really hitting our numbers, our boss thought it would be nice to make some chili. She made the regular red beef chili, and then some white-chicken chili. Both tasted really good. I guess the chicken chili sat around too long in the break room. The next day EVERYONE who ate the chicken chili just got sicker than hell! We had to shut down the sort a couple of times because everyone was running to the crapper! One kid was a driver helper and had to stop 6 times while out with the driver. To this day, she denies that it was her chili that made everyone sick :lol:
 

over9five

Moderator
Staff member
Once in a while, they have soup for us when we get in.

I think the same thing: If this soup is bad, you'll have all 50 of us out tomorrow!
 

dillweed

Well-Known Member
When I first started air driving a supervisor had to "ride with" us three times before we were allowed to go out on our own. It was pretty rough to find one willing to take the time for just an air driver but finally got one cornered.

Good natured young man willing to risk life and limb riding with a middle age woman with lots of years as an inside worker and no desire to be a hero driver.

All went well except I was not as agressive behind the wheel as he would have liked. Then, we came to a shopping area surrounded by ponds, geese and ducks. You'd know it, as soon as I turned into the drive a row of baby ducks was crossing behind a proud mother. I stopped waayyyyyy back so as not to startle the little darlings and was enjoying the parade.

Mr. Supervisor was NOT enjoying the parade and told me to move closer. I very slowly inched along until the ducks were past, then tooled along as normal. Meanwhile, I told him that there was no way I would hit an animal in the line of duty and was known to stop and help turtles across the road. He earned his money that day and I still stop for animals. dw
 

Sammie

Well-Known Member
Thought of a few more. Maybe I'm getting "partzimers"
since I can't remember everything all at once...

In the days before guard shacks and all that, my manager was about to turn 40. He was a great guy, now retired; everybody just loved him.

We decided to 'put on the dog' and arranged a surprise birthday party for him in the office. We set it up in the conference room which was far enough away so he didn't notice all the activity. We brought food in and I collected $ for a cake and a singing telegram. Didn't specify much on what the singing telegram should be, just said it was for an office party.

Our manager was a small, tidy man; five foot, maybe. And he didn't like to be touched. Don't shake his hand, pat him on the back, none of that stuff.

So I met the singing telegram at the front door of UPS. Right away I knew this would be interesting. She wore a coat over her outfit, of course, a pretty lady with a large frame who stood well over over six feet.

I hid her in the supply closet in the conference room and we got our boss to come in there. Surrounded by the food, gifts, cake and singing, we saw the telegraph bound out of the closet wearing a bit of red satin but mostly black lace and black fishnet. She grabbed him and plunked him down on her lap, don't think his feet touched the floor. She kept hugging him and kissing him and burying him in her bosom...

Thought that day would be my last!

***
Another time was the wedding anniversary of a fellow office worker. We were located in an building with other companies so a guard shack didn't apply. Anybody could wander in.
One of the ladies husbands decided to send her a singing telegram on this special day to profess his love, I guess.
This was the office where accounting, payroll, accts payable & receivables, COD's, etc. were done and it was pretty exact work. There was never any chit chat and you could hear a pin drop at all times.
It was a summer day and I was sitting at the back of the room by a glass door. We were all a bit nervous because our departments were being audited by UPS super managers from National so things were exceptionally tidy.

I thought it odd in this hot weather that a young man came in the back door wearing jeans and a heavy trench coat all belted up. He was well into the room when he whipped off the coat. His blue jeans only came up to his knees and the rest of his clothes was a little yellow ribbon, tied in a lovely bow.

He danced and sang (had a beautiful voice!!) all over the room and the guys from National laughed harder than anyone else. The room was transformed into dozens of shrieking women (ever been to a Chippendale show?) and the rest of the day went to you know where in a basket.
***
We raise quite a bit of money here for the United Way.
One year management put up a dunk tank to raise funds (50 cents a pop) and that had to be the biggest money maker in history. Never did it again, though.

Imaging aiming that ball at your favorite manager!!
 
W

westsideworma

Guest
Thought of a few more. Maybe I'm getting "partzimers"
since I can't remember everything all at once...

In the days before guard shacks and all that, my manager was about to turn 40. He was a great guy, now retired; everybody just loved him.

We decided to 'put on the dog' and arranged a surprise birthday party for him in the office. We set it up in the conference room which was far enough away so he didn't notice all the activity. We brought food in and I collected $ for a cake and a singing telegram. Didn't specify much on what the singing telegram should be, just said it was for an office party.

Our manager was a small, tidy man; five foot, maybe. And he didn't like to be touched. Don't shake his hand, pat him on the back, none of that stuff.

So I met the singing telegram at the front door of UPS. Right away I knew this would be interesting. She wore a coat over her outfit, of course, a pretty lady with a large frame who stood well over over six feet.

I hid her in the supply closet in the conference room and we got our boss to come in there. Surrounded by the food, gifts, cake and singing, we saw the telegraph bound out of the closet wearing a bit of red satin but mostly black lace and black fishnet. She grabbed him and plunked him down on her lap, don't think his feet touched the floor. She kept hugging him and kissing him and burying him in her bosom...

Thought that day would be my last!

***
Another time was the wedding anniversary of a fellow office worker. We were located in an building with other companies so a guard shack didn't apply. Anybody could wander in.
One of the ladies husbands decided to send her a singing telegram on this special day to profess his love, I guess.
This was the office where accounting, payroll, accts payable & receivables, COD's, etc. were done and it was pretty exact work. There was never any chit chat and you could hear a pin drop at all times.
It was a summer day and I was sitting at the back of the room by a glass door. We were all a bit nervous because our departments were being audited by UPS super managers from National so things were exceptionally tidy.

I thought it odd in this hot weather that a young man came in the back door wearing jeans and a heavy trench coat all belted up. He was well into the room when he whipped off the coat. His blue jeans only came up to his knees and the rest of his clothes was a little yellow ribbon, tied in a lovely bow.

He danced and sang (had a beautiful voice!!) all over the room and the guys from National laughed harder than anyone else. The room was transformed into dozens of shrieking women (ever been to a Chippendale show?) and the rest of the day went to you know where in a basket.
***
We raise quite a bit of money here for the United Way.
One year management put up a dunk tank to raise funds (50 cents a pop) and that had to be the biggest money maker in history. Never did it again, though.

Imaging aiming that ball at your favorite manager!!

I was told we had the dunk tank before (before I was at this hub) and they made a LOT of money. I wish they'd bring it back, I'd put my whole check into it after one of "those" shifts from hell lol
 

Dirty Savage

Paranoid Android
Thread necromancy, FTW!

So here it was a nice summers day and I'm delivering to a quiet residential street at around 10 in the morning. I have a +19 sig req computer to deliver. Ring the door bell. Hear a voice from the back yard yell "UPS? Come to the back!" So I do.

Come around the corner and there's this 40ish dude sitting on the deck, drinking coffee in his bathrobe. Put the box on the deck as small-talk ensues. Hold out the DIAD for him to sign and he gets out of his chair and his robe opens and, TADA, there he is in all his glory. He continues to chat whilst he signs, all the while his junk is just hanging there and he's just as natural as can be. He hands me back my DIAD and then turns and yells into the house "Hey ma! Bring me the phone!"

So wrong on so many levels. Needless to say I had to scrub my eyeballs after that.

Good times.
 

magoo57

Well-Known Member
Rockymtnupser, that remins me of my first peak. My hub is the origin for a company that makes "marital aids". The trucks back then were all drop frames. What an scary feeling as an unloader when you open the first lid and you see 5000 envelopes moving. I ran out of that truck so fast that tripped on the stairs and kept on running.
The pickoffs laughed so hard that they had to stop the belt
 

0759THazMat02

Saddle Brook HazMat
last year during one of our safety barbeques a training supervisor who was in my computer class in college dressed up as the shift's safety mascot "sharkie the safety shark". after i found out who it was i became a 6 year old in a mall looking at the easter bunny, I ran to him screaming "sharkie sharkie" and leaped right into his arms. Let me say this supervisor has a hell of a lot of strength being 85lbs soaking wet with a shark suit with me, 200lb firefighter, jumping into his arms like a ballerina.
 

IWorkAsDirected

Outa browns on 04/30/09
One of our drivers had a route which included an out of the way delivery. This was a natural gas line pumping station, and they got packages regularly, especially when they first started up. This day however when he drive up to the gate and honked, no one came around, he yelled, honked and waited awhile. Then he noticed next to the gate was a red button, with no label and assuming it would summon someone or open the gate, he pushed it. Well............... next thing he hears is motors grinding down and someone screaming. Seems he had pushed an emergency shut down button and shut off gas to half of California, it took them several days to get it up again, as the pressure had to be gradually brought up. Needless to say we no longer deliver there, if they get something they pick it up.
 

SmithBarney

Well-Known Member
I have a couple.

When I used to cover a really rural route out of a satellite center, I'd carry dog biscuits or
use the normal drivers biscuits. I get to this one house and I pull up and go to the back to get a few packages(they order regularly) in about 2 seconds after getting in the back I've got 5-6 dogs in there with me, oh yeah this is one of the small cars p300? so there is no room in them... I finally get out, and deliver the packages, they are still in there sniffin around and playing.. I gave them each a biscuit and they left the car, just like kids in a school bus one after another coming from the back.

Another time Delivering in Town, out of a bricked out P1000, my first stop was a bulk stop at the local hospital, well the packages settled(as they always do) but this time right on top of the lever that opens the door from the inside... So here I am its already 80 degrees outside, and I'm crawling with my back against the ceiling of the truck.
Took me about 25 minutes of crawling and digging till I was able to get to the latch.
BTW if you ever have to do this, leave your keys in the cab, you don't want to drop them half way throught the truck.
 

CBUK

Well-Known Member
I was delivering in Cambridge City Centre a few years back on a day when HM Queen ElizabethII was visiting the University.

Wherever her majesty goes, she is followed by a huge security entourage so I had endured a morning of constant hassle from the Police moving me on saying "you can't stop there, you can't stop there either" etc etc.

I pulled up to the porters lodge at Queens College grabbed their package and made a dash for the post room ignoring the shouts behind me.

As usual the College staff are too busy doing other things to bother with me but I needed to be in and out quickly. I barged my way to the front of a queue of students and asked for a signature.

"Sorry sir, you need to wait in the queue and I'll deal with you in a minute".

At this point an armed response officer (SWAT in the U.S) flys through the door and says to the guy.

"You're gonna sign for that package now. I've got a gun".

I was parked in front of the rapid response unit. The look on the College porters face is one I will take to the grave with me. I did get a grilling from the Police on the way out but I think they could see what sort of pressure I was under.
 
W

What Goes Around.....

Guest
There was a UPS sales rep on the east coast who always busted chops about other 's kids being non-atletic, hand-models etc. You get the picture. Well a friend of mine whose kid went to high school with this rep's son told me that his son wrote and starred in a play where the other actors slammed chocolate pies at his behind.
Needless to say the rep has become a little more subdued since we all found out.
 

ol'browneye

Well-Known Member
A fellow driver delivered to a house where a german shephard always gave him trouble. One day he pulled up and the dog was nowhere to be found so he went on up to the front porch. As he knocked on the door the dog came racing around the side of the house and was coming after him on the front porch. The people weren't home and with no place to go he grabbed a piece of firewood for self defense. As the dog attacked him he wacked it on the head with the firewood and killed it! He didn't know what to do so he stuck it in a DR bag and threw it in the back of the truck. Later he tossed it in a creek! Next time he delivered to that house he asked about the dog. They said "We don't know what happened to him, he just disappeared!"
 

ol'browneye

Well-Known Member
This same driver ran over what he thought was a dead beagle laying in the road only to see it squirming and howling in pain in his mirror. The dogs' owner saw it happen...boy were they upset! BTW, the dog died.
 

ol'browneye

Well-Known Member
I hit a duck while leaving our building one morning. I had to turn around and go back as it shattered the drivers window except for a perfectly round circle where the duck hit. My center manager thought it was rather amusing but made me fill out an accident report anyway. My description of the accident included the following-"I was southbound on the expressway and collided with an eastbound duck!" Question- "were there any fatalities". Answer- "only the duck". When I left with a different pkg car, the duck was missing from the side of the road. I guess someone picked it up!

Actually I consider myself pretty lucky on this one. I had bits of glass in my lap and the round area of the windshield where the duck hit was right in front of my face! If it had been a 55mph zone instead of 40 I might not be here to tell this story today!
 

satellitedriver

Moderator
I hit a duck while leaving our building one morning. I had to turn around and go back as it shattered the drivers window except for a perfectly round circle where the duck hit. My center manager thought it was rather amusing but made me fill out an accident report anyway. My description of the accident included the following-"I was southbound on the expressway and collided with an eastbound duck!" Question- "were there any fatalities". Answer- "only the duck". When I left with a different pkg car, the duck was missing from the side of the road. I guess someone picked it up!

Actually I consider myself pretty lucky on this one. I had bits of glass in my lap and the round area of the windshield where the duck hit was right in front of my face! If it had been a 55mph zone instead of 40 I might not be here to tell this story today!
Did you "duck" before it hit the windshield?
Sorry, I could not resist the pun.
 
A

American Pie?

Guest
Hope that east coast rep had a sense of humor about his kid being in that pay.. In our office we would have given him the business ala "Lethal Weapon 2". Pie day, SNL routine Adam Sandler and Chris Farley poolside beer commercial, etc. etc.

In this biz you have to take as well as receive
 
Top