COVID-19 Customers

Discussion in 'UPS Discussions' started by scratch, Apr 7, 2020.

  1. scratch

    scratch Least Best Moderator Staff Member

    A friend of mine sent me this:

    From an anonymous UPS delivery driver...
    5 types of customers since the “rona”:
    1) Steve:
    He has been waiting for this moment his whole life. He has been drinking boilermakers since 10:00 am in his recliner and his AR is within arms reach. He has 6 months provisions in the basement and a bug out bag due west buried in the woods. Steve demands a handshake as I give him his package. He’s sizing me up as I deliver his ammo.
    Steve will survive this, and he will kill you if he needs to.
    2) Brad:
    He is standing at his window wearing skinny jeans and a Patagonia t-shirt. He is mad because there were no organic tomatoes at Whole Foods today. He points at the ground where he has taped a 6 ft no go zone line from his porch. I leave his case of Fuji water, organic granola bites, and his new “Bernie Bro” hat at the tape.
    Brad will not survive.
    Steve will probably eat him.
    3) Nancy:
    She has sprayed everything with Thieves oil. Bought all the Clorox wipes, hand sanitizer, toilet paper, meat, and bread from the local grocery chain. She has quarantined her kids and sprays them with a mixture of thieves, lavender, & mint essential oils daily. She has posted every link known to man about “The Rona” on her social media. She will spray you if you break the 6 ft rule. I will leave her yet another case of toilet paper.
    She will last longer than Brad, but not Steve.
    4) Karen:
    She has called everybody and read them the latest news on “The Rona”. She asked for the manager at Food Lion, Walmart, Publix, McDonalds, Chi-Fil-A, and Vons all before noon demanding more toilet paper. Karen’s kids are currently faking “The Rona” to avoid her. I’m delivering “Hello kitchen” to her.
    Karen will not survive longer than Brad.
    5) Mary:
    Is sitting in the swing watching her kids have a water balloon fight in the front yard as she is on her fourth glass of wine. She went to the store and bought 2 cases of pop tarts, 6 boxes of cereal, 8 bags of pizza rolls, And a 6 roll pack of toilet paper. There is a playlist of Bob Marley, Pink Floyd, and Post Malone playing in the background. I’m bringing her second shipment of 15 bottles of wine in 3 days.
    Mary will survive and marry Steve.
    Together they will repopulate the earth.
    May God have mercy on us all.
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  2. Rack em

    Rack em First to worst!

    Pretty accurate from what I've seen so far. I'm trying to befriend a lot of Steve's right now just in case.
  3. scratch

    scratch Least Best Moderator Staff Member

    I know who gets large amounts of ammo and who gets a lot of wine on my area. Yesterday I had this lady open her door wearing a face mask and gloves. She waited for me to walk away before she opened her storm door and sprayed off her packages with an aerosol can.
  4. barnyard

    barnyard KTM rider Staff Member

    My fave is the Karen that says, "Stay safe." as I hand her her bag from The Gap.

    And by fave, I mean the one that I want to crack with the back of my hand, but social distancing means that I won't.
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  5. Sudz

    Sudz Well-Known Member

    I would say I'm a "Steve." I work with a total "Brad" though. Guy got 12 feet out of my way when I was walking by.
  6. Indecisi0n

    Indecisi0n Well-Known Member

    WTF did I just read ?
  7. Rack em

    Rack em First to worst!

  8. Indecisi0n

    Indecisi0n Well-Known Member

    But what do they mean ?!