MrFedEx
Engorged Member
Dear Team,
My sincere thanks to all of you at Express for bending over extra deep and gaping for me this time around. Man, have I ever screwed you this time, and, once again, I'll probably get away with it.
I've been floating this idea for years as a way to reduce costs and line my pockets and now my prayers have been answered. I'm just hoping the courts don't find that I've actually integrated Ground and Express (I have), but think that I'm just "contracting" Express services out to Ground, because, after all (wink, wink), they're all independent contractors. I'm laughing so hard now I almost spilled my bourbon and Coke, Dano!! Fetch me a fresh one, and then wax the Bentley!! Chop, Chop, my lackey!!
I'd like to thank Dano and the rest of the management team for being complicit in this scheme. We set you up by killing the PPA, and then drove you home to Cleveland with the pass-off to Ground. Look forward to vastly reduced hours, even tinier paychecks, and, eventually, a part-time Express operation. Until we can jettison all of the high cost Legacy Employees, we'll have long split shifts, later start times, and more cuts to benefits in an effort to finally get the old timers to leave and fresh new Third World blood to replace then at around $15-$16 per hour. Ahh, I almost got an erection over that one!! I haven't had wood for years, but this is actually making me hard!
The one thing bothering me is that some smart Commie attorney types will say that we've actually combined Express and Ground, making my precious RLA Exemption invalid. Mitch McConnell and all of my Republican friends have assured me that they (and the courts) will have my back, but I'm not sure I'm going to get away with this scam, because that's what it is.
For all of you that are hoping for buyouts, better buy some prayer beads. Only UNION employees with a CONTRACT get buyouts because that contract holds me accountable. Since you were all too stupid to vote in a union (THANK YOU, vantexan!!), you're not getting squat except my boot in your ass as you leave, hopefully sonner than later. Bwahahahahah!!
Sure, we're "vending out" Express to Ground, but all of us really know it's just a ploy to combine Ground and Express and pay less in wages and cut costs. Total scam, and we'll see if it flies. Like I said, we've been planning this for years, but a Republican controlled Senate and GOP-friendly courts make this time to pull the trigger. Trump says he cares about workers (LOFL), and I am literally screwing my Express workers blind!! This is SO good, and I am going to worm my smarmy way through it just like I always have, with my army of attorneys and bought and paid for politicians on both sides who will let this "travesty for workers" happen. God, I'm good!!
In the meantime, I've directed all of the management team to pretend they care (they don't), have listening and feedback sessions (LOL), and convince our Frontline Team Members that WE CARE and that PSP is still the law of the land at Express.
I mean, really, I just about threw up in my mouth over that whopper!! But, as always, we have the Purple People and various other deniers who will let me get away with this...again!! It really is unbelievable how ignorant and gullible so many of you are about both who I am and how I operate.
Here it is. It's all about me and $$$, and it always has been. All of the talk about "caring", PSP and valuing employees is like a discarded clam shell on the beach. Dead, meaningless, and of zero value. I'm your capitalist entrepreneur nightmare workers, and this is my ultimate power trip...at your expense, of course.
So, keep being stupid, work harder, not smarter, and help me pull of this incredible scam. In the meantime, I'll be turning the screws on Ground contractors to try and make their agreements less profitable for them.
FedEx will keep pumping out the BS and misinformation, and, hopefully, you'll all take your medicine like good little sheeple. Now all I have to do is keep this out of the legal system and let my social media flaks and shills work their magic. I'm juicing my politician buddies for all they're worth to support this, and I know they have my back.
Thanks for being suckers!!
Weaselfully Yours,
Frederick "Grinch" Smith
My sincere thanks to all of you at Express for bending over extra deep and gaping for me this time around. Man, have I ever screwed you this time, and, once again, I'll probably get away with it.
I've been floating this idea for years as a way to reduce costs and line my pockets and now my prayers have been answered. I'm just hoping the courts don't find that I've actually integrated Ground and Express (I have), but think that I'm just "contracting" Express services out to Ground, because, after all (wink, wink), they're all independent contractors. I'm laughing so hard now I almost spilled my bourbon and Coke, Dano!! Fetch me a fresh one, and then wax the Bentley!! Chop, Chop, my lackey!!
I'd like to thank Dano and the rest of the management team for being complicit in this scheme. We set you up by killing the PPA, and then drove you home to Cleveland with the pass-off to Ground. Look forward to vastly reduced hours, even tinier paychecks, and, eventually, a part-time Express operation. Until we can jettison all of the high cost Legacy Employees, we'll have long split shifts, later start times, and more cuts to benefits in an effort to finally get the old timers to leave and fresh new Third World blood to replace then at around $15-$16 per hour. Ahh, I almost got an erection over that one!! I haven't had wood for years, but this is actually making me hard!
The one thing bothering me is that some smart Commie attorney types will say that we've actually combined Express and Ground, making my precious RLA Exemption invalid. Mitch McConnell and all of my Republican friends have assured me that they (and the courts) will have my back, but I'm not sure I'm going to get away with this scam, because that's what it is.
For all of you that are hoping for buyouts, better buy some prayer beads. Only UNION employees with a CONTRACT get buyouts because that contract holds me accountable. Since you were all too stupid to vote in a union (THANK YOU, vantexan!!), you're not getting squat except my boot in your ass as you leave, hopefully sonner than later. Bwahahahahah!!
Sure, we're "vending out" Express to Ground, but all of us really know it's just a ploy to combine Ground and Express and pay less in wages and cut costs. Total scam, and we'll see if it flies. Like I said, we've been planning this for years, but a Republican controlled Senate and GOP-friendly courts make this time to pull the trigger. Trump says he cares about workers (LOFL), and I am literally screwing my Express workers blind!! This is SO good, and I am going to worm my smarmy way through it just like I always have, with my army of attorneys and bought and paid for politicians on both sides who will let this "travesty for workers" happen. God, I'm good!!
In the meantime, I've directed all of the management team to pretend they care (they don't), have listening and feedback sessions (LOL), and convince our Frontline Team Members that WE CARE and that PSP is still the law of the land at Express.
I mean, really, I just about threw up in my mouth over that whopper!! But, as always, we have the Purple People and various other deniers who will let me get away with this...again!! It really is unbelievable how ignorant and gullible so many of you are about both who I am and how I operate.
Here it is. It's all about me and $$$, and it always has been. All of the talk about "caring", PSP and valuing employees is like a discarded clam shell on the beach. Dead, meaningless, and of zero value. I'm your capitalist entrepreneur nightmare workers, and this is my ultimate power trip...at your expense, of course.
So, keep being stupid, work harder, not smarter, and help me pull of this incredible scam. In the meantime, I'll be turning the screws on Ground contractors to try and make their agreements less profitable for them.
FedEx will keep pumping out the BS and misinformation, and, hopefully, you'll all take your medicine like good little sheeple. Now all I have to do is keep this out of the legal system and let my social media flaks and shills work their magic. I'm juicing my politician buddies for all they're worth to support this, and I know they have my back.
Thanks for being suckers!!
Weaselfully Yours,
Frederick "Grinch" Smith
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