Jokes you've heard a hundred times

[Where'sMyRegularDriver?]

I delivered a FedEx Express box with a UPS label and the customer told me she thought we were not allowed to do that. I thought she was joking. She was serious. UPS would ship a newborn child wrapped in the hide of an endangered rhinoceros if it had a label and was paid for.

 

[scooby0048]

My response is "oh yeah I did it's going to be called 'Up yours' or 'AllUpInUrExWife'

"let me look (no delay while pulling my diad to my face) nope but if I find it we will be back tomorrow"

Cust: Oh is there money in there?
Me: Yeah the faster you sign the more that'll be in there. (When business needed sigs)
Another one

Cust: What is it?

Me: A box, I'd rather not know what's in it I prefer Plausible deniability.

Is that your real picture in the avatar? For some reason I really think it is.

 

[scooby0048]

I delivered a FedEx Express box with a UPS label and the customer told me she thought we were not allowed to do that. I thought she was joking. She was serious. UPS would ship a newborn child wrapped in the hide of an endangered rhinoceros if it had a label and was paid for.

FedX arrived just b4 me at a stop. They were delivering the boxes and prepaid UPS labels for my placard pickup.

 

[IVE GOTTA PACKAGE 4U]

Is that your real picture in the avatar? For some reason I really think it is.

Mind your own Damm business

 

[RuthlessSupSlayer]

Is that your real picture in the avatar? For some reason I really think it is.

Yeah you got me...

 

[scooby0048]

Yeah you got me...

You were gone for almost a year, perfecting your humor I see...

 

[RuthlessSupSlayer]

You were gone for almost a year, perfecting your humor I see...

Well I want to ensure I put the proper amount humor out, I see it's been almost a year and you're still as "raggy" as ever! Lol

 

[scooby0048]

Well I want to ensure I put the proper amount humor out, I see it's been almost a year and you're still as "raggy" as ever! Lol

That's a good one, pure comedic gold!

 

[MC0493]

Stay cool
Stay dry
Stay warm
Oh working late? (it's 6pm) Nope, it's early bud.
How's the a/c in that thing?
What is it? (referring to the package i have) I don't know, what did you order?

 

[clean hairy]

"Greatest contract ever"
"Parts on order ok to run" (when it has no brakes)
"Orion will make routes simpler to run"

 

[Wally]

Do you know why UPS removed the little metal Bulldogs from the hoods of its trucks?

Because UPS isn't going to pay one to sit there and look at another all day.

Welcome to Instant Crickets

 

[Wally]

Biggest joke of all time:

(Click here first)
Welcome to Instant Drumroll

THE BROWNS WILL WIN THE SUPERBOWL!
Welcome to Instant Rimshot

 

[DumbTruckDriver]

Cust: Oh is there money in there?

I usually go with, “Well, there was...”

 

[MECH-lift]

Customer: “ what is it? “

 

[MECH-lift]

The biggest joke is when I see my center manager

 

[9.5er]

Couple weeks ago a lady told me She had to open the package before I could leave. She didn’t order anything so didn’t know what would be in the box. I told her I wasn’t supposed to hang around and wait so I started walking back to truck. She says what if it’s a bomb! And was dead serious.
I asked her did you order a bomb?

 

[Bob11B]

Couple weeks ago a lady told me She had to open the package before I could leave. She didn’t order anything so didn’t know what would be in the box. I told her I wasn’t supposed to hang around and wait so I started walking back to truck. She says what if it’s a bomb! And was dead serious.
I asked her did you order a bomb?

had a guy pull this on me months ago... what if ISIS sent a bomb? I said, sir... I am sure you're not important enough to be on the hit list for ISIS & walked away feeling like a boss..... I already had it out for them bc they called and complained I would never lave their packages...all the doors (porch and gate) locked and the house is right at a main intersection.

 

[MECH-lift]

9/11 was an inside job!!!!

 

[Yeet]

Couple weeks ago a lady told me She had to open the package before I could leave. She didn’t order anything so didn’t know what would be in the box. I told her I wasn’t supposed to hang around and wait so I started walking back to truck. She says what if it’s a bomb! And was dead serious.
I asked her did you order a bomb?

Had a guy do that to me when I was in package. Took him 5 minutes to cut this box open and inspect every single thing that was in it. If think it was some stereo equipment or something. I did package for a month then told them where to stick it. I tip my hat to you guys.

 

[Underallowed306]

When picking up Colo Guard package, “Hey Buddy, be careful, that one’s full of sh_t.”