Jokes you've heard a hundred times

Discussion in 'UPS Discussions' started by KoennenTiger, Sep 13, 2019.

  1. KoennenTiger

    KoennenTiger Active Member

    As a driver you go from place to place and see people "for the first time" every day, all day. I hear jokes from em, all day, every day. From the folks who can't actually talk to you and realize you're the exact same person there, every single day.

    What jokes do you hear?

    "Bring me a box of money next time" har har har

    "Oh you brought me a box of money!" hardy har har never heard that one

    "Hey while you're here take some of this air conditioning" lol

    I will I'm climbing on your roof and tearing your ac unit off it's going on top of my truck now. 15' height limit

    "The FedEx guy is right in front of you. Which truck will win har har?" (looks around at all the fat office cows who moo back). Chat with the X guy as we leave. Hear the moooooos in the background

    Duuuurrrh "that box looks heavy" duuuurrrhh

    What do you guys hear every day at every stop from every single anon drone who for some reason thinks they need to make a comment, but never actually talk to you?
  2. detmaintainer

    detmaintainer Detroit Maintenance Rat

    Do you know why UPS removed the little metal Bulldogs from the hoods of its trucks?

    Because UPS isn't going to pay one :censored2: to sit there and look at another :censored2: all day.
  3. detmaintainer

    detmaintainer Detroit Maintenance Rat

    A _ _ hole
  4. Knothead

    Knothead Yep.

    "Is it raining out there?" Dur hur hur dur hur
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • Funny Funny x 1
    • List
  5. ibleedbrown

    ibleedbrown Active Member

    I heard UPS and FedEx are merging, they will be called FedUp dur hur Hur I thought you guys don't make left turns? Dur Hur!
    • Agree Agree x 9
    • Funny Funny x 1
    • List
  6. Future

    Future Victory Ride

    I heard UPS stands for United Pot smokers ........

    :censored2:ing :censored2:s!
  7. Future

    Future Victory Ride

    Stay dry !
    • Funny Funny x 4
    • Agree Agree x 2
    • Winner Winner x 1
    • List
  8. oldngray

    oldngray nowhere special

    Nothing tops the "Did you hear UPS and FedEx are merging" joke
  9. Future

    Future Victory Ride

    Heard it this week ...swear 2 God I felt like punching this guy in the head
    • Funny Funny x 4
    • Agree Agree x 2
    • Like Like x 1
    • List
  10. MECH-lift

    MECH-lift Union Brother

    i love when customers try to argue with you on how many boxes they should have ...” are you sure there isn’t another one? It says I should I have two boxes”

    Da hur hur har har
    • Agree Agree x 7
    • Beer Beer x 1
    • List
  11. Future

    Future Victory Ride

    9x out of 10 was a surepost and went 2 the post office
  12. Wontmake9.5

    Wontmake9.5 My job is fun

    Hey can you take this package? No it’s usps I am ups. Customer standing there confused. Also stay dry out there. Yea sure I lll stay dry in a thunderstorm thanks Nancy.
  13. MECH-lift

    MECH-lift Union Brother

    I just take any box now lol, USPS , FEDEX I just toss it in the truck and go , no use arguing with them
  14. olroadbeech

    olroadbeech Happy Verified UPSer

    I hear that one all the time.

    I say "wow , never heard that one before , har har har " jeesus :censored2:in christ
  15. MECH-lift

    MECH-lift Union Brother

    Fedex + UPS = amazon
  16. One time I replied with Upsex and the dude corrected me. I laughed and said I like upsex better. Prude didn’t find it funny but I did.
  17. Fred's Myth

    Fred's Myth Nonhyphenated American

    Just tell ‘em it’ll be called UPSEX instead.
  18. RuthlessSupSlayer

    RuthlessSupSlayer Active Member

    My response is "oh yeah I did it's going to be called 'Up yours' or 'AllUpInUrExWife'
  19. RuthlessSupSlayer

    RuthlessSupSlayer Active Member

    "let me look (no delay while pulling my diad to my face) nope but if I find it we will be back tomorrow"
  20. RuthlessSupSlayer

    RuthlessSupSlayer Active Member

    Cust: Oh is there money in there?

    Me: Yeah the faster you sign the more that'll be in there. (When business needed sigs)

    Another one

    Cust: What is it?

    Me: A box, I'd rather not know what's in it I prefer Plausible deniability.
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • Funny Funny x 1
    • List