Jokes you've heard a hundred times

Discussion in 'UPS Discussions' started by KoennenTiger, Sep 13, 2019.

  1. Whither

    Whither Scofflaw

    Chummy business owner at a dock actually had a good one yesterday, "I know UPS: count to 35 after the car ahead of you leaves, right?" I laughed, "Actually it's 33!"
  2. ManInBrown

    ManInBrown Well-Known Member

    Packed dermatology office. Lady behind the desk always has something stupid to say. Ten degree day i walk in and hand her the board to sign, and she says wow is it cold out? I say did you teleport to work this morning. Everyone in the whole place bursts out laughing.

    99% of comments like that are harmless and they dont mean any ill will. But there are the few people that do make comments like that to turn the screws.
    • Funny Funny x 3
    • Winner Winner x 1
    • List
  3. WTFm8

    WTFm8 Active Member

    Just ask if they heard it on CNN.

    Then turn around and as you’re walking away yell FAKE NEWS.

    Trigger em.
    • Like Like x 2
    • Funny Funny x 1
    • List
  4. Customer: what is it?
    Me: I don't know my boss said I couldn't open the packages anymore.

    Come into an office pouring sweat.
    Secretary: Is it hot out there? Well stay cool.

    When daylight savings time ends and you show up at someone's house at 5:30 and they say boy working late tonight huh?

    Customer: is that my box of money?
    Me: no I took all the money now it's just a box.
  5. WTFm8

    WTFm8 Active Member

    Just wait till December and it’s completely dark by 5 and they say that.

    “Nah, got 4-5 more hours probably”
  6. rocket man

    rocket man Well-Known Member

    I am ( fed up) with
    )this post
  7. DumbTruckDriver

    DumbTruckDriver Allergic to cardboard.

    “Is it ticking?”
  8. Raw

    Raw Raw Member

    Whats in it?
    I`ll look at pkg for a few seconds and say - I don`t know, my x-ray vision isn`t working today.
  9. scooby0048

    scooby0048 This page left intentionally blank

    You all do know that on Amazon packages at least, it tells you a vague description of whats in it. Just under barcode on left side of package, it will say Desc. pet food, desc. toys, desc. health and beauty....etc;

    It's all there just need to be more witty than the customer.
  10. 542thruNthru

    542thruNthru Well-Known Member

    108° summer day. Drenched in sweat.

    Customer: Is it raining outside?
    • Funny Funny x 1
    • Winner Winner x 1
    • List
  11. Poop Head

    Poop Head Lovin' every minute of it!

  12. rod

    rod #1 on Upstates "list"

    Hot enough for you?
    Cold enough for you?
    What's in it?
    You on vacation AGAIN?
    He won't bite.
  13. Staydryitsraining

    Staydryitsraining Well-Known Member

    Is that a box of money? And although not a joke but very very annoying. When it's raining everyone says "stay dry".
  14. Operational needs

    Operational needs Virescit Vulnere Virtus

    Someone told you that didn’t they? You know you’ve never worked in 108°. Lol
    • Funny Funny x 2
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • List
  15. oldngray

    oldngray nowhere special

    Are those trucks air conditioned?
  16. 542thruNthru

    542thruNthru Well-Known Member

    We have a few areas around us that get up to 110-113 in the summer. I don't deliver out there anymore. :)
  17. Poop Head

    Poop Head Lovin' every minute of it!

    Helper- "its supposed to rain tomorrow, do you guys still work?"
  18. Zowert

    Zowert Active Member

    I was on route with my helper last peak when a FedEx driver rolled by and said, “U P S, United Puśsy Service!” I was about to say something stupid back but my helper had quick wit, “Yeah, we’re about to service your wife’s puśsy.”
  19. Saca La

    Saca La What is it?

    All these answers are gold.