MT3: I'm Here To Answer Your Questions!!

Discussion in 'FedEx Discussions' started by MrFedEx, Oct 31, 2013.

  1. MrFedEx

    MrFedEx Engorged Member

    Dear Team Members,

    Please send me your questions and suggestions now!! MrFedEx will forward them to me and I'll respond immediately.

  2. Cactus

    Cactus Just telling it like it is

    Hi Matt! Would you and Fred be a lot happier if all the senior employees quit Express? And how much success would you anticipate with a staff of newbies?
  3. MrFedEx

    MrFedEx Engorged Member

    Dear Cactus,

    Thanks for your question and Bravo Zulu for everything you do for FedEx!! All of our senior employees are incredibly important to our success here at FedEx, and we honor their contribution by calling them Legacy Couriers. At FedEx, we are constantly innovating and trying to deliver packages more efficiently. That means our employees need to be flexible and willing to accept change as part of our team efforts. With the success of DRA, we anticipate that a new FedEx courier will be just as productive as an experienced courier within 24 hours. But, because we need to create goals for these employees to aspire to, they will be paid accordingly. There must be something for them to look forward to as they begin their career at the world's best company!!

    Beside an outstanding compensation package, these new employees also have an equally outstanding benefits package, PLUS the flexibility to work whenever we need them, even if that's a little as 17.5 hours per week. I know that all senior employees have the same level of flexibility and are happy with their pay and benefits. Year after year, PSP and the SFA guarantee that FedEx workers are satisfied, productive workers. All the while, we will honor our commitments to senior employees and continue to cherish both them AND their loyal service to FedEx.

    We anticipate great success in the coming year and an excellent peak season as well. Your continued sacrifice and extra effort are appreciated!! You are the greatest, and FedEx cares about YOU!! Our employees are the Purple Promise. Bend over, grab your ankles, and touch your tongue to the floor, because I'm ready to make you love your job even more!!

    Thanks for your question, and have a productive day!!

  4. Doc Sorting Dude

    Doc Sorting Dude Active Member

    Hello Mr. Thornton,

    Can you convince me that Fedex has absolutely positively researched market rates for paying couriers a fair rate?
  5. MrFedEx

    MrFedEx Engorged Member

    Dear Doc Sorting Dude,

    Thanks for everything you do! Are you making SPH, and delivering the Purple Promise? Your question is a great one!! Yes, FedEx exhaustively researches market rates to ensure we are paying top wages in every market and attracting only the absolutely, positively, best candidates for each and every job. Our outstanding wage and benefit plans make sure all of our employees are happy and want to make FedEx a lifelong career!!

    Best Wishes For a Prosperous Peak!!

    Matthew Thornton III
  6. Dear Mr Thorton.
    How many years did you spend as a courier before you were chosen to lead a company full of couriers? I'd love to hear some old stories about how you went above and beyond to make your sph goals! Please enlighten us!
  7. Excuse me! I meant Mr. Thornton! Must have gotten nervous in your presence!
  8. MrFedEx

    MrFedEx Engorged Member

    Dear Day Laborer,

    I was a proud courier for one year before joining your management team. I always excelled at being a courier and always exceeded my production goals at all times. On my lunch hours, I spent the time collecting Sales Leads, and on my days off I went door-to door through local neighborhoods handing out free Service Guides and spreading the gospel of FedEx.

    Thanks for asking!! I always go above and beyond!! Have a productive day and make sure you give 110%, or maybe even 220%. Your efforts are always appreciated here at FedEx!!

    I Love You!!

    Uncle Matt
    Last edited: Oct 31, 2013
  9. DRAisawesome

    DRAisawesome Active Member

    Dear MT3,

    Yes we are tight enough that I can call you that. Why is there no wage progression/ pay scale here at FedEx? Our customers have no idea that this job pays as little as it does. Can you explain to me how FedEx has kept its rosy reputation to the general public?

    Your buddy up north, ey
  10. MrFedEx

    MrFedEx Engorged Member

    Dear DRA,

    I'm sorry, but you are so very wrong about wage progression. Your wages have grown steadily every year with large raises that have more than compensated for rises in the cost of living. We actually overpay you for the type of unskilled work you perform, and we save you money by keeping out the Teamsters and their $600 per week dues. Our reputation remains stellar because we always deliver the Purple Promise and provide value to each and every customer and their precious package. The public realizes that we are an organization with integrity that treats people right!!. Plus, we transport pandas and have a NASCAR driver who is really cool.

    Thanks for your question!! And I love everyone up north!! Does your igloo stay cozy in the winter? Do you see the Ice Road Truckers and eat whale blubber?


    Your Buddy, Matt
  11. Route 66

    Route 66 Bent Member

    Dear Matt

    when you and Fred are doing the hobbledeegaga, which position do you prefer?
  12. MrFedEx

    MrFedEx Engorged Member

    Dear Route 66,
    Sorry for the delay. Dano and I were out trick or treating...he was a Hershey Bar and I was an Oreo!! We took the Route 66 Electric Van, but it broke-down and had to be towed back-in. Fred was giving out rocks..if you could get past the security.

    I digress...on to your question!! Fred loves doggie, but I prefer Dano for the hobbledeegaga because he's so flexxxible. I guess he's used to bending over,so we can go almost any direction. Afterwards, he like to cuddle.

    Are you making your numbers? Oh, that's right! You're one of those trouble-making RTDs that are always on Payday Schedule. Better work on your attitude, or we'll farm out your job too!! Bravo Zulu, and keep on living the dream!!

    Uncle "Oreo" Thronton
    Last edited: Oct 31, 2013
  13. Cactus

    Cactus Just telling it like it is

    Hey Matt, your constant nagging and pushing for more and more productivity just so you, Fred and Dave can get wealthier and wealthier has made many couriers drive unsafely just so they can make your pie-in-the-sky numbers. You really don't care about employee and public safety do you? Also when some innocent pedestrian or employee pays the ultimate price then will it be enough? Who will you blame? How about Wall Street?

    Thanks for your time and have a splendid lunch and make sure Dano steams your lobster correctly this time since he gets distracted so easily around here.
  14. hypo hanna

    hypo hanna Well-Known Member

    Uncle Matt,

    this past month I have experienced three vehicle breakdowns because we don't have the budget for parts. How can I better service our customers while I'm waiting for the wrecker?

  15. MrFedEx

    MrFedEx Engorged Member

    Dear HH,

    The new Employee Parts Purchase Plan (EPPP) is your answer!! Now, when Vehicle Maintenance doesn't have a vital part, we task you with both buying and installing the part. Because you operate the vehicle, you are wearing-out Fred's parts, and you need to take responsibility for your actions. You may also rent a vehicle for your your expense. Violations of the EPPP will be handled with our progressive discipline policies. This exciting new program gives the employee a chance to directly participate in the success of FedEx!!

    During a break down, you should either continue delivering on foot or go on 13/14...preferably both, because since it's your fault the vehicle isn't operative, you need to work for free.

    Thanks for your question!! Bravo Zulu, and please go out there and hit 185% today!!



    P.S. You also get to pay for the wrecker!! That's truly direct participation in the story of your success.
    Last edited: Nov 1, 2013
  16. fedupforsure

    fedupforsure Member

    Dear MTIII
    We couriers are so glad that each year you have us take a SFA survey each year, and then to top it off you put 13 people in a room for 10 minutes to talk over 20 questions(#17). Next year a bunch of us have decided to save you the time and money and just not take the survey.
  17. MrFedEx

    MrFedEx Engorged Member

    Dear Cactus,

    Thanks for your question!! Safety is Job #1 at FedEx, so anything bad that happens is the fault of the employee, not FedEx. So, go out there today and do 35 extra stops, but BE SAFE!! We care about YOU!!

    Uncle Matt
  18. MrFedEx

    MrFedEx Engorged Member

    Dear fedupforsure,

    The SFA is a critical component of our PSP philosophy, and we are cutting out follow-up meetings this year because you are all so completely satisfied as employees. In fact, you're so happy that we're going to keep the results to ourselves. Thanks for your question!! Please be extra productive today!

    Your Biggest Admirer,
  19. Dear MT3,
    I cannot seem to make my sph goals. Every time I get close they seem to get raised without my knowledge. Would it be possible for me get a check ride with you, sir? I would really appreciate you showing how to get'er done. I'm too stupid to do it on my own.
  20. MrFedEx

    MrFedEx Engorged Member


    Dear daylaborer,

    I'm much too important to ride with an hourly, but I'll give you some advice that will help you make SPH!! Many couriers work at "Friday Pace" or "Payday Pace". It's very crucial that you do not do this. I recommend "Rabid Dog Pace" or " Chased by a man with a gun" pace. This constant fear factor will allow you to make your goals and raise productivity. I know that all hourlies are stupid and that I'm the smartest and double-greatest...that's why we are here to lead you to Industrial Athlete Greatness (IAG). Thanks for your question!!

    King Matthew Thornton III Esquire