MT3: I'm Here To Answer Your Questions!!

[Doc Sorting Dude]

Yo Empty Tree!

Yeah me again. You provide us unequaled entertainment when you do our "Frontline" segments. When did you realize you were made to be in front of a camera? How come we never see you and Uncle Fred at the same time? With today's FX artists we believe you and Fred are the same guy. Do you dispute that?

 

[MrFedEx]

Yo Empty Tree!

Yeah me again. You provide us unequaled entertainment when you do our "Frontline" segments. When did you realize you were made to be in front of a camera? How come we never see you and Uncle Fred at the same time? With today's FX artists we believe you and Fred are the same guy. Do you dispute that?

Dear DSD,

I'm happy you find Frontline informative and motivating. I have always realized that I am special and a star whose talents have not yet been fully discovered. Hollywood and the pulpit are both big possibilities for me, and many have told me "I'm full of it", which must mean I'm both talented, and full of the spirit of the Lord. Plus, I'm extremely handsome...and modest. Pay no attention to those that notice Fred and I are the same height, weight, and that we are never seen together. It's all mean-spirited gossip, and I am not Fred S, even though we've hired some really good makeup artists and Pixar employees. Nothing to see here!! Now, go make Uncle Mattie some green!!

Sincerely,
Fre...Umm, Matthew Thornton III

 

[bbsam]

Hey Matt


You talk alot about making numbers but when are you slugs at Express gonna start pulling your weight? How hard is it to clear out your aging courier class and get to double digit returns? If you can't get it done, maybe somebody from Pittsburgh needs to take over.



Don't ever forget...you too are replaceable like the rest of us.



bbsam

 

[Cactus]

Hey Matt


You talk alot about making numbers but when are you slugs at Express gonna start pulling your weight? How hard is it to clear out your aging courier class and get to double digit returns? If you can't get it done, maybe somebody from Pittsburgh needs to take over.



Don't ever forget...you too are replaceable like the rest of us.



bbsam

Yesiree!

Love to see uncle Matty selling shoes for a living.

 

[MrFedEx]

Hey Matt


You talk alot about making numbers but when are you slugs at Express gonna start pulling your weight? How hard is it to clear out your aging courier class and get to double digit returns? If you can't get it done, maybe somebody from Pittsburgh needs to take over.



Don't ever forget...you too are replaceable like the rest of us.



bbsam

Dear bbsam,

Thanks for your question! It's been a real challenge to raise productivity and profits at FedEx given our lazy, overpaid employees. We treat them like royalty, and they deliver at Payday Pace every day. I'd really appreciate it if you put a good word in for me in Pittsburgh because I want to be the head of the Ground division so bad that my hands have stopped waving. I could easily maintain double-digit profits there because you have a slave labor/ISP scam that makes it SO easy to do compared to Express. Even a like me could get the job done and make Fred happy. Right now, he makes me come to his office every Friday for a beat-down, telling me I'm crap, that I'm worthless, and that he'll replace me with someone from India. That hurts...bad.

Regards,
MT3

 

[bbsam]

Dear bbsam,

Thanks for your question! It's been a real challenge to raise productivity and profits at FedEx given our lazy, overpaid employees. We treat them like royalty, and they deliver at Payday Pace every day. I'd really appreciate it if you put a good word in for me in Pittsburgh because I want to be the head of the Ground division so bad that my hands have stopped waving. I could easily maintain double-digit profits there because you have a slave labor/ISP scam that makes it SO easy to do compared to Express. Even a like me could get the job done and make Fred happy. Right now, he makes me come to his office every Friday for a beat-down, telling me I'm crap, that I'm worthless, and that he'll replace me with someone from India. That hurts...bad.

Regards,
MT3

Really Matt?

More excuses and deflection? It's 2013. Even the Democrats act like Republicans and you give us a 0% return? Don't cry about business models and regulations. If we wanted that crap we'd hire MFE for 1/3 your salary. And no, Pittsburgh wants nothing to do with those who can't get results.

Looking forward to your next ineffective round of cuts,

bbsam

 

[MrFedEx]

Really Matt?

More excuses and deflection? It's 2013. Even the Democrats act like Republicans and you give us a 0% return? Don't cry about business models and regulations. If we wanted that crap we'd hire MFE for 1/3 your salary. And no, Pittsburgh wants nothing to do with those who can't get results.

Looking forward to your next ineffective round of cuts,

bbsam

Dear bbsam,

Thanks for your follow-up question! By now, you should realize that talking in riddles and waving hands are the way I roll. Since you don't really work for us, I can actually be honest here...just once. You see, we get a 0% return because Express is run by stupid mofos like me and Fred S. We make huge money for making bad decisions. We can cut to the bone and it won't make-up for our utter stupidity. We've alienated a formerly loyal workforce and made productivity and customer service a joke. It's easy at Ground, because by paying just above the minimum wage ensures that even retards like me and Fred can turn a huge profit. If I get over to Ground, my first action will be a revenue cut for the ISPs and contractors, who are getting way too much of the action for little in return. They're only there to make the scam seem legit. Hell, I hear that most of them play golf all day or even groom soccer fields. Fred shouldn't be paying them 6-figures to be "beards" for his Ground scam. I'm going to figure out a way to stop this huge revenue loss and raise returns to 30%.

You'll love having me as your leader. I'm good...really good.

Love,
Uncle Matt

 

[bbsam]

Dear Matt,

Don't quit your day job. Imagine if you got your incompetent hands on Ground. You don't slaughter the goose laying the golden egg. I expect you to understand profit/loss and to have at least a feel for the calculus involved in maximizing and sustaining profit. That is what I expect but if you are half the jag they say you are, probably not.

There is a reason Ground reorganized their management. Too many of them. Sorry no positions open.

bbsam

 

[ManInBrown]

MFE at his finest. Man, is this thread funny.

 

[Disgruntled2]

MrFedEx,
Trying to message you, but says your mailbox is full!

 

[MrFedEx]

MrFedEx,
Trying to message you, but says your mailbox is full!

OK,will clean it out.

 

[Route 66]

MFE at his finest. Man, is this thread funny.

AGREED!.......what the hell happened to my "like" button?

 

[Mr. 7]

Matt,
Can you please explain to me FedEx's reasoning behind people that are out of work for more than 90 days.
If someone is seriously ill or, gets hurt on the job which keeps them from coming back to work within 90 days, why do they lose their position at Express?

 

[MrFedEx]

Matt,
Can you please explain to me FedEx's reasoning behind people that are out of work for more than 90 days.
If someone is seriously ill or, gets hurt on the job which keeps them from coming back to work within 90 days, why do they lose their position at Express?

Dear Mr.7,

Thanks for a great question!! We have the 90-day policy because we are thinking of you, the employee!! If you get seriously ill or injured, we owe it to you to ter...umm re-assign your route,so you can eventually pursue new and exciting opportunities elsewhere. There is no way we want to hold all of that horsepower back from a new career!Besides, with our excellent medical benefits and highly supportive providers, you can be cured of almost anything and be back to work well within 90 days. We miss you when you're gone, and so do our precious customers. If you're gone more than 90 days, Sedgwick and Aetna will do everything possible to can your ass.. umm, get you back to work and pay your STD or LTD!!

If I were to be out for 90 days, I'd also lose my position..JUST LIKE YOU!! My excellent medical and dental benefits are the same as yours too!! See, we're all part of one big happy family!!

Love and Kisses,
Matt

 

[Mr. 7]

If I were to be out for 90 days, I'd also lose my position..JUST LIKE YOU!! My excellent medical and dental benefits are the same as yours too!! See, we're all part of one big happy family!!

I highly doubt that, Matt.

 

[MrFedEx]

I highly doubt that, Matt.

Dear Mr. 7,

I have the exact same benefits as you, and policy applies to me equally. We even make the same amount of money!! Trust me.

Your Buddy,
Matt

 

[bbsam]

How often do you guys have someone go down for 90 days? I don't think I've ever seen it around here. Is it that common?

 

[Cactus]

How often do you guys have someone go down for 90 days? I don't think I've ever seen it around here. Is it that common?

Happens at every station and ususally the same 3 or 4 people every time. Most likely to happen right before peak.

 

[moose88]

Hi Matt-
Do you have any recommendations for a CPA in the Phoenix area that is familiar with FedEx?

 

[dezguy]

Hi Matt,

We're not very familiar with you up here in the great white North but after doing a little research I noticed you talk with your hands a lot in all the videos you're featured in. The VP of operations up here in Canada, Pina Starino is constantly waving her hands in all the video's she gives us the honour of seeing. Do you have to go through a course on how to talk with your hands in video's before you become big shot at FedEx?