New time standard under consideration

Discussion in 'UPS Discussions' started by Big Babooba, Jan 27, 2019.

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  1. Big Babooba

    Big Babooba Well-Known Member

    UPS will be performing a work study on how you wipe your ass. They will create a standardized procedure that would be fast and economical (1sheet maximum). The IE (Industrial Engineering but I call them Intercourse and Exercise because after they screw you they give you the runaround) will have their hands full (of :censored2:) measuring length, thickness, consistency and evacuation time. They will have to add an allowance for flatulence during the event too. I presume that they're going to hold a hose to your butt to measure how much gas you produce.Then they will take all the info from thousands of potty experiences and come up for a potty time allowance.
     
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  2. Wrong

    Wrong :))

    They should just buy us all fecal trumpets and catheters.
     
  3. Poop Head

    Poop Head Lovin' every minute of it!

    I've been documenting my poops for years.
     
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  4. Big Babooba

    Big Babooba Well-Known Member

    Are you in IE?
     
  5. Indecisi0n

    Indecisi0n Well-Known Member

    Always wipe front to back . I went back to front once and my balls smelled for a week.
     
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  6. Netsua 3:16

    Netsua 3:16 Stop being a little bitch

    How do you know what your balls smell like? Impressive talent
     
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  7. Indecisi0n

    Indecisi0n Well-Known Member

    I am very flexible...
     
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  8. watdaflock?

    watdaflock? Well-Known Member

    What a dumb thread.
     
  9. Netsua 3:16

    Netsua 3:16 Stop being a little bitch

    If the thread's dumb then don't dumb it down farther by posting your own dumb comment. Dummy
     
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  10. The Driver

    The Driver I drive.

    They're gonna hate me. I eat a lot of beans and broccoli.

    Do NOT, under any circumstances, stick your nose in the cab of my package car.
     
  11. Poop Head

    Poop Head Lovin' every minute of it!

    I'm not sure if you're serious with this thread or not. Not that their bogus numbers matter one bit. But, if they're gonna get so crazy about them, at least let us be able to code time for fueling off property, poop breaks, pee breaks, pee bottle breaks, tieing shoes, putting on/ taking off layers of clothing, etc...
     
  12. thecamel

    thecamel Waiting to put the re in front of tired

    After they establish the allowance ie will just subtract 10 mins from it anyway. Take all the time you want. Crap your brains out!
     
    Last edited: Jan 27, 2019
  13. Wally

    Wally BrownCafe Innovator & King of Puns

    Mom must be so proud?
     
  14. TearsInRain

    TearsInRain IE boogeyman

    you can literally do all of this dude
     
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  15. Wally

    Wally BrownCafe Innovator & King of Puns

    We get plus 15 or 10 minutes bonus over 8.5 hours. The company doesn't allow that to factor in. Bias off the top.
     
  16. thecamel

    thecamel Waiting to put the re in front of tired

    Not much that's more satisfying here than to let the idea float around that you might be taking a $50 an hour dump.

    With the new metrics they will probably start calling it the 390 methods.
     
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  17. zubenelgenubi

    zubenelgenubi Well-Known Member

    I think I'm about to be over the dump allowance. I'll check back in when I'm done and let you know how everything came out.
     
  18. zubenelgenubi

    zubenelgenubi Well-Known Member

    I was told that if you put 99 under "pump 1" in "vehicles" then total gallons that gave you a time allowance. The other stuff? How would you code it? I never code anything but preload time without being instructed by my supervisor.
     
  19. thecamel

    thecamel Waiting to put the re in front of tired

    The code 99 fuel allowance is MINIMAL here. Might as well take a dump and get paid $$$.
     
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  20. Poop Head

    Poop Head Lovin' every minute of it!

    How? Is there a code for taking time to try to figure out codes?
    That's way too much math for me.
    Day after Thanksgiving dumps.