One liners, short jokes, funny sayings, puns, etal
- Thread starter moreluck
- Start date
moreluck
golden ticket member
A young associate was romantically ambushed in a darkened room of the law firm. After months of the social isolation that comes from eighty hour work weeks, the associate was happy to reciprocate. However, when asked by a friend to identify the lover, the associate was puzzled.
"All I know for sure is that it was a partner -- I had to do all the work."
"All I know for sure is that it was a partner -- I had to do all the work."
moreluck
golden ticket member
Punography:
I tried to catch some fog. I mist.
When chemists die, they barium.
Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
The girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I never met herbivore.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down.
I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
They told me I had type A blood, but it was a Type O.
Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.
Energizer Bunny arrested: Charged with battery.
I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds.
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!
Broken pencils are pointless.
I tried to catch some fog. I mist.
When chemists die, they barium.
Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
The girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I never met herbivore.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down.
I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
They told me I had type A blood, but it was a Type O.
Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.
Energizer Bunny arrested: Charged with battery.
I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds.
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!
Broken pencils are pointless.
moreluck
golden ticket member
Boy Scouts from the city were on a camping trip. The mosquitoes were so fierce, the boys had to hide under their blankets to avoid being bitten. Then one of them saw some lightning bugs and said to his friend,
"We might as well give up. They are coming after us with flashlights."
"We might as well give up. They are coming after us with flashlights."
moreluck
golden ticket member
A fisherman returned to shore with a giant marlin that was bigger and heavier than he. On the way to the cleaning shed, he ran into a second fisherman who had a stringer with a dozen baby minnows. The second fisherman looked at the marlin, turned to the first fisherman and said, " Only caught one, eh?"
moreluck
golden ticket member
One day, a man heard a voice telling him to, "quit your job, sell your house, take all your money, and go to Vegas." He was disturbed, but ignored the voice. The next day, he heard it again. But again, he did not listen. Day after day, the voice told him to take all his money to Vegas. Finally, he succumbed, quit his job, sold his house, and flew off with all the money he could gather. In the Vegas airport, the voice said, "Go to Caesar's." He did. As he walked into Caesar's, the voice said, "Exchange all your money for chips." He did. "Go to the roulette table." He did. "Bet it all on 12." He nervously stacked all his chips on 12. The dealer wished him good luck and spun the wheel. The ball went round and round, slowly losing speed, before settling into number 21. The voice said, "
. Damned dyslexia!"
. Damned dyslexia!"
moreluck
golden ticket member
Jack was living in Arizona during a heat wave when the following took place.
"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," complained Jack as he stepped out of the shower. "Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"
"Probably that I married you for your money."
"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," complained Jack as he stepped out of the shower. "Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"
"Probably that I married you for your money."
moreluck
golden ticket member
Pop Quiz: Which of these three didn't originate in Sweden?
1. ABBA 2. IKEA 3. Swedish Meatballs
The answer came in this tweet from none other than the Swedish government: "Swedish meatballs are actually based on a recipe King Charles XII brought home from Turkey in the early 18th century."
The truth dismayed many Swedes, including one who tweeted in response, "My whole life had been a lie."
1. ABBA 2. IKEA 3. Swedish Meatballs
The answer came in this tweet from none other than the Swedish government: "Swedish meatballs are actually based on a recipe King Charles XII brought home from Turkey in the early 18th century."
The truth dismayed many Swedes, including one who tweeted in response, "My whole life had been a lie."
Similar threads
