MrFedEx
Engorged Member
Dear Sniper,
First of all. you sound like a nice guy, sort of in the way that Goober and Gomer were on The Andy Griffith Show. Country boy, good old "True American" values, nice family, military service, and so forth. You love your family, your God, your country and your company. All good things, right? But as nice as you seem, you are pretty clueless about the way FedEx really operates. For all of your dedication to FedEx and Fred, you get a paycheck every week, which is always a great thing. It's obvious that you're Purple from your nose to your toes, and that FedEx Kool-Aid courses through your very conservative veins.
I'm dedicating part of my precious 13/14 time to try and educate you as to what might happen if you somehow fall into Fred's disfavor. Let me provide a few examples to show you what I'm talking about. I've broken them down into a few basic categories, but there are more. I've got to keep it short so I can enjoy my coffee at Starbucks.
Accidents: Let's say that you're driving on your route through BFE National Park and a drunk hippie (liberal) tourist runs in front of your truck and you run him over. He flops around for a few minutes and then expires. What can you expect? Based on actual incidents I know of where people were NOT killed by the courier, you will be fired. It will then be up to you and your team of lawyers to get you re-hired. In other words, your beloved FedEx will throw you under the bus because you are a liability. All of your dedication, USMC service, and everything else won't be worth a fig.
Injuries: Let's say it's another day in BFE National Park and you are walking from your F250 to the USFS Ranger Station to make a delivery to Smokey the Bear. Suddenly, God sends a meteor flying at you from Heaven and you rush to get out of the way, blowing-out your knee in the process. Luckily, God's wrath hits the ranger's still out in back and explodes in a huge ball of flame. A figure of Lucifred appears in the smoke and you drop to your injured knees in prayer. When you get back, you report the injury, which will be ruled "preventable" because you "should have anticipated the hazard" of the meteor and didn't have Anti-Meteor repellent on your USMC utility belt. Next, your doctor says you need surgery because your knee is really screwed-up. You have the operation , but it doesn't go well and the knee is constantly infected and very painful. You need a second operation. But that will put you out past 90 days, right? You cannot return to work, so at 91 days, you just lost your route. You're really upset, but you have Communist Workers Comp to get you through, and then STD. But the knee won't get better and you have to go in and get a knee replacement, and go on LTD. Oh, you're covered, right? But wait!! One day, while watching Gomer Pyle USMC, you get a call on the phone saying your LTD is discontinued because you had a pre-existing knee injury condition from your wartime service in Afghanistan. And, if it doesn't get better in the 90 days you have before termination, you lose your job unless you can find one that doesn't require any lifting or moving around, because your knee is still a mess. Uh oh!! Better break out The Bible, and maybe one of your guns.
Falsification: For this one, let's say that you have late freight. You're out there in the country trying your level best to get those precious golden packages to their recipients, so you decide to work through your "13/14" and put yourself on "break" in the PowerPad. Well, you're going a bit fast, and Barney and Andy happen to be out on radar patrol that day and you get a ticket for 45 in a 25. No big deal you say, that's just the price of being a great courier for FedEx. Well, at church that Sunday, the pastor and Andy are talking with your senior manager, who doesn't like you because you're the pastor's favorite, and he finds out your ticket was during 13/14 time. Further, one of your customers calls to compliment you on your great service when their PO package was delivered at 13:12, which is when you were supposed to be on break. Further, Barney wrote you the ticket at 13:25, providing a second source of proof that you were working off the clock. When you RTB one day, they ask for your badge and fuel card...you are gone.
I have many more examples, but I want to enjoy my tall Pike Place with room. Think about some of these scenarios, and how much Fred loves you. You're welcome, Gomer.
First of all. you sound like a nice guy, sort of in the way that Goober and Gomer were on The Andy Griffith Show. Country boy, good old "True American" values, nice family, military service, and so forth. You love your family, your God, your country and your company. All good things, right? But as nice as you seem, you are pretty clueless about the way FedEx really operates. For all of your dedication to FedEx and Fred, you get a paycheck every week, which is always a great thing. It's obvious that you're Purple from your nose to your toes, and that FedEx Kool-Aid courses through your very conservative veins.
I'm dedicating part of my precious 13/14 time to try and educate you as to what might happen if you somehow fall into Fred's disfavor. Let me provide a few examples to show you what I'm talking about. I've broken them down into a few basic categories, but there are more. I've got to keep it short so I can enjoy my coffee at Starbucks.
Accidents: Let's say that you're driving on your route through BFE National Park and a drunk hippie (liberal) tourist runs in front of your truck and you run him over. He flops around for a few minutes and then expires. What can you expect? Based on actual incidents I know of where people were NOT killed by the courier, you will be fired. It will then be up to you and your team of lawyers to get you re-hired. In other words, your beloved FedEx will throw you under the bus because you are a liability. All of your dedication, USMC service, and everything else won't be worth a fig.
Injuries: Let's say it's another day in BFE National Park and you are walking from your F250 to the USFS Ranger Station to make a delivery to Smokey the Bear. Suddenly, God sends a meteor flying at you from Heaven and you rush to get out of the way, blowing-out your knee in the process. Luckily, God's wrath hits the ranger's still out in back and explodes in a huge ball of flame. A figure of Lucifred appears in the smoke and you drop to your injured knees in prayer. When you get back, you report the injury, which will be ruled "preventable" because you "should have anticipated the hazard" of the meteor and didn't have Anti-Meteor repellent on your USMC utility belt. Next, your doctor says you need surgery because your knee is really screwed-up. You have the operation , but it doesn't go well and the knee is constantly infected and very painful. You need a second operation. But that will put you out past 90 days, right? You cannot return to work, so at 91 days, you just lost your route. You're really upset, but you have Communist Workers Comp to get you through, and then STD. But the knee won't get better and you have to go in and get a knee replacement, and go on LTD. Oh, you're covered, right? But wait!! One day, while watching Gomer Pyle USMC, you get a call on the phone saying your LTD is discontinued because you had a pre-existing knee injury condition from your wartime service in Afghanistan. And, if it doesn't get better in the 90 days you have before termination, you lose your job unless you can find one that doesn't require any lifting or moving around, because your knee is still a mess. Uh oh!! Better break out The Bible, and maybe one of your guns.
Falsification: For this one, let's say that you have late freight. You're out there in the country trying your level best to get those precious golden packages to their recipients, so you decide to work through your "13/14" and put yourself on "break" in the PowerPad. Well, you're going a bit fast, and Barney and Andy happen to be out on radar patrol that day and you get a ticket for 45 in a 25. No big deal you say, that's just the price of being a great courier for FedEx. Well, at church that Sunday, the pastor and Andy are talking with your senior manager, who doesn't like you because you're the pastor's favorite, and he finds out your ticket was during 13/14 time. Further, one of your customers calls to compliment you on your great service when their PO package was delivered at 13:12, which is when you were supposed to be on break. Further, Barney wrote you the ticket at 13:25, providing a second source of proof that you were working off the clock. When you RTB one day, they ask for your badge and fuel card...you are gone.
I have many more examples, but I want to enjoy my tall Pike Place with room. Think about some of these scenarios, and how much Fred loves you. You're welcome, Gomer.