Tears are good for the soul. So is an open dialog on the subject.
I had a situation not too many years ago where there was a group at McDonald's. Several men with their children, while their wives had a "girls night out". There were several other groups of children there as well, including two boys belonging to one of our feeder drivers. 5 and 7 I believe.
One of the young children in our group was three years old. After a while climbing in the upper parts of the play ground, she began to call for her father, repeatedly. One of the other guys there was asked by the father to go check on what was wrong, and did so. He went to the top of the playground, and returned with the girl. As he went up, I went to get a drink refill, and he was back down before I returned, and he had taken her to her father and whispering with him. The father and daughter then abruptly left.
I questioned the guy later in private as we were leaving, as to what was wrong. He stated that as he got to the top of the playground, in the top "tree house" the two boys were trying to remove the little girls panties, and she was trying to resist. I dont know why he did not confront the father of the two boys that had tried to assault his daughter, as that would have been the normal thing to do.
Fast forward almost 30 days. The father announces that his three year old said that the guy that went up to rescue her was trying to pull her panties down to play with her "gina", and that he was seeking to file charges.
Well, being a former foster parent, and a witness to the whole situation, I could not really legally speak to any of the people involved, neither friend, or the feeder driver. What I did do was to suggest that the guy that went up to help her down, that he see a forensic psychologist.
Anyway, after a lengthy investigation by the Department of human services into the matter, they did not find any evidence that it had happened, nor did intensive interviews with the child suggest that the guy had any inappropriate contact.
What it did do was brand the guy that had been trying to be helpful for the rest of his life. For you see, many applications that deal with sensitive jobs ask if you have even been accused of anything involving a child, or inappropriate sexual contact.
I did speak with several of the people involved, including the forensic guy, and the one glaring item was the fact that the three year old used the term "gina" when referring to the whole episode. Very age inappropriate. While it did send up red flags about what was going on in the home, nothing was ever done.
As a witness to the whole thing, I can say for certain that the guy left to get her down at the same time I left for a refile. Before I got back, he was already down and speaking with the father. There was no way that he even had the time to do what he was accused of. But the damage was done.
One thing parents need to do is listen to their children. Not only what they say, but listen to the body language. It can tell you volumes as to what is going on in the group your child is in. Then once you feel like something is wrong, get some professional help. Many times parents, in their zeal to find out and protect, end up doing damage to the child, or influencing the story. Its best to let those that investigate this professionally do their job.
Tooner, yes, there are some guilty that go free. Well sort of. The fact that they have been accused will forever haunt them. For some people, in their circle of friends, that is not a big deal. But for others, they might as well have been found guilty, as that is the way our society treats them anyway.
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