No pun in 10 did

Discussion in 'Lighten UPS' started by Hoaxster, Aug 4, 2008.

  1. Monkey Butt

    Monkey Butt You can call me Chappy Staff Member

    I LOVE a good pun. (Or bad, whichever way you see it!)

    1. Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen,
    only one carrion allowed per passenger."

    2. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as
    the lesser of two weevils.

    3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once again that
    you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.

    4. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces:
    "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

    5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? He wanted to
    transcend dental medication.

    6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.
    After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. Because," he said,
    "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

    7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins!
    If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

    8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close They ignored him. So,the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, proving that
    Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.

    9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him......
    A super callused fragile mystic vexed by halitosis.

    10. And finally, there was a woman who sent ten different puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. Unfortunately,
    no pun in ten did.
  2. browndevil

    browndevil Active Member

    OK Moreluck you have some competition. Thanks former numbers guy.:happy2:
  3. Forty6and2

    Forty6and2 I'm Broken

    a string walks into a bar. bartender says "i'm sorry we don't serve string here." string walks outside and rolls around on the ground and ruffles up his "hair" a bit. goes back into bar. bartender says "didn't i just tell you we don't serve string here?" string looks at him and says "i'm a frayed knot."
  4. Cementups

    Cementups Box Monkey

    Good stuff Hoaxster. ROFL
  5. Bryishre

    Bryishre ktm atv racer

    A grasshopper Walks in to a bar. He pulls up a seat and says " Hey bartender i would like a drink" The bartender looks up from wipeing the glass down and says "Hey you know there is a drink named after you" The grasshopper says "Really !!! YAll have a drink named Steve ??"

    not a pun just had to add it lol
  6. dillweed

    dillweed Well-Known Member

    Thanks - :happy-very:
  7. oakcreekteamie

    oakcreekteamie New Member

    Och...reading these things makes me tear up.
  8. midnitelight

    midnitelight New Member

    LOL, nice... any pictures? :)