Discussion in 'Life After Brown' started by robonono, Nov 16, 2005.

  1. robonono

    robonono New Member

    :) Things you can say only on THANKSGIVING without getting in trouble:

    1. Talk about a huge breast!

    2. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.

    3. It's Cool Whip time!

    4. If I don't undo my pants, I'll burst!

    5. Whew, that is one terrific spread!

    6. I'm in the mood for a little dark meat.

    7. Are you ready for seconds yet?

    8. Don't play with your meat.

    9. It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?

    10. Just wait your turn, you'll get some!

    11. Just spread the legs open and stuff it in.

    12. Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?

    13. I didn't expect everyone to come at once!

    14. You still have a little bit on your chin.

    15. How long will it take after you stick it in?

    16. You'll know it's ready when it pops up.

    17. Wow, I didn't think I could handle all of that!

    18. That's the biggest one I've ever seen!

    19. How long do I heat it before it is ready?

    Happy Thanksgiving
  2. speeddemon

    speeddemon Guest

    wow, just think of all the time it took to type that in, you could have been doing something worth while.
  3. navigator

    navigator Member

    Our last turkey was so tough, when we closed the oven door, it blew out the pilot light!
  4. over9five

    over9five Senior Member Staff Member

    "I get no respect!"
  5. wkmac

    wkmac Well-Known Member


    You sure you weren't trying to cook an Eagle?:D
  6. wkmac

    wkmac Well-Known Member

    In robo's post the "Don't play with your meat" reminded me years ago a UPSer opened a little BBQ place on the west side of Atlanta and he had T-Shirts made up to promote his place. On the back of the shirt it said:

    "You Can't Beat My Meat!"

    He wore that shirt to work one night and it was the talk of the sort and had folks rolling. The irony is a lot of those same folks including myself visited his place and the BBQ was good! I'll never forget that T-shirt however.
  7. moreluck

    moreluck golden ticket member


    He laid her on the table
    So white clean and bare.
    His forehead wet with beads of sweat
    He rubbed her here and there.

    He touched her neck and then her breast
    And then drooling felt her thigh.
    The slit was wet and all was set,
    He gave a joyous cry.

    The hole was wide...he looked inside
    All was dark and murky.
    He rubbed his hands and stretched his arms...
    And then he stuffed the turkey.


    I saw you across a crowded room.
    Among all the others that were there,
    The lights seemed to shine down on you alone.
    I knew then I had to have you for my own.

    Willingly, you came with me to my home.
    From the car, I carried you through the door.
    Looking at you, I admire your body,
    your well shaped legs, and breasts.

    Slowly I remove what wraps,
    around your body so tightly,
    fitting you like a glove.
    Exposing your tender white skin.
    From your neck I remove your charms,
    and carry you off in my arms,
    to the warm water that awaits.

    The water cascades down your neck,
    flowing over your soft breasts then,
    making your legs glisten with wetness.
    Droplets of water cover your taut skin.
    My hands rub your body, ummmm
    running them through the beads of water.
    Making them trickle down off your body.

    I place my fingers inside you.
    You are warm and moist, so ready.
    I carry your still dripping body,
    to a laying place, so that I can
    put inside you what was well
    prepared to enter you before
    we even came through the door.

    As soon as I lay you down
    your legs spread open wide.
    You are ready now and so am I.

    I put a little in slowly at first,
    getting a feel for how much you can take in.
    I put in more, you take it willingly.
    In anticipation, faster and faster
    I put it in, pushing it in deeply
    as far as I can, until I can't
    put any more in, you are so tight.

    With your legs wrapped tightly,
    not wanting to release any of it,
    I make you so hot for a very long time,
    until your sweet juices escape from within.

    Then I taste you, with my tongue at first,
    your skin is so soft and tender.
    I taste more of you with my mouth,
    you are so hot and moist, you taste so good.

    Your juices coating my mouth,
    making me drool in anticipation
    of eating you more, with every taste.

    "Oh yes", I say to you,
    I must say Grace
    "Thank God for Butterball turkey...
  8. moreluck

    moreluck golden ticket member


    Turkeys will thaw in the morning, then warm in the oven to an afternoon high near 190F. The kitchen will turn hot and humid, and if you bother the cook, be ready for a severe squall or cold shoulder.

    During the late afternoon and evening, the cold front of a knife will slice through the turkey, causing an accumulation of one to two inches on plates. Mashed potatoes will drift across one side while cranberry sauce creates slippery spots on the other. Please pass the gravy.

    A weight watch and indigestion warning have been issued for the entire area, with increased stuffiness around the beltway. During the evening, the turkey will diminish and taper off to leftovers, dropping to a low of 34F in the refrigerator.

    Looking ahead to Friday and Saturday, high pressure to eat sandwiches will be established. Flurries of leftovers can be expected both days with a 50 percent chance of scattered soup late in the day. We expect a warming trend where soup develops. By early next week, eating pressure will be low as the only wish left will be the bone.
  9. wily_old_vet

    wily_old_vet New Member

    Darn more I didn't know you were like that
  10. moreluck

    moreluck golden ticket member

    "The Top 14 Upcoming Thanksgiving-Themed Movies"

    14.To Kill A Walking Bird

    13.My Best Friend's Dressing

    12.The Texas Coleslaw Massacre


    10.The Fabulous Baster Boys

    9.Twelve Hungry Men

    8.Silence of the Yams

    7.For Love of The Game Hen

    6.I Know What You Ate Last Winter

    5.All the President's Menu

    4.White Meat Can't Jump

    3.When Harry Met Salad

    2.The Story of U.S.

    1.The Wing and I
  11. moreluck

    moreluck golden ticket member

    (no way I could do it for $36.78 for 10 people!)...the dinner, I mean(w).

    Thanksgiving meal rises this year to $36.78 for 10
    By Times Staff Writer
    Published November 21, 2005


    Here's some food for thought while digesting that big Thanksgiving chowdown on Thursday: The cost of a traditional Thanksgiving meal for 10 rose by $1.10 this year to $36.78.

    That's according to the American Farm Bureau Federation, which is the group's way of saying "don't blame it all on us" by noting most of the 3 percent increase was triggered by higher energy prices that affected refrigeration, packaging and shipping costs. The average cost of the turkey rose 5 cents to 94 cents a pound, which is "an amazing value no matter how you slice it," said Terry Francl, Farm Bureau chief economist.

    But, he pointed out, that was full price for a whole turkey. Most Americans buy their turkeys at some discount at the local supermarket. Helping hold the overall meal cost down this year are price decreases in sweet potatoes, fresh cranberries and a pint of whipping cream.

    The cost of turkey rose faster than inflation, but the Farm Bureau prefers to take the long view. The same feast cost $28.74 when the bureau started keeping track 19 years ago. Adjusted for inflation, today's Thanksgiving spread for 10 would have cost $19.04 in 1986 dollars. The survey included pumpkin pie, but not the cost of Tums.
  12. wkmac

    wkmac Well-Known Member

    For heaven's sake don't tell more to take a walk on the wild side as she just might! Enjoyed the humor all. especially your's Moreluck.

    BTW Moreluck: Which do you want tomorrow the leg or the breast?
    OH MY GAWD! What am I saying. Please don't answer that, I'm terrified to see the answer! ;) :D
  13. wily_old_vet

    wily_old_vet New Member

    Just wnat to take this chance to wish all of, whether I agree with you or not, to have a safe happy Thanksgiving.

    More I hope your hubby lets you have whatever you want tomorrow:D
  14. moreluck

    moreluck golden ticket member

    To be perfectly honest, I'm not even doing a turkey tomorrow......just the 2 of us and I don't need days & days of leftovers.

    I'm making a casserole that contains chicken, stuffing, mixed veggies and some other junk and a tossed salad. The chicken is breast's what the recipe calls for but my true love is thighs........nice juicy thighs.

    This may be the first Thanksgiving weekend that I don't put on a pound or pies or desserts in the house at all. Keeping it "sane" throughout this holiday season.

    Happy Thanksgiving to all and enjoy your weekend !!
  15. moreluck

    moreluck golden ticket member

    Thanksgiving Day

    May your stuffing be tasty

    May your turkey be plump,

    May your taters 'n gravy

    Have nary a lump.

    May your yams be delicious,

    May your pies take the prize

    May your Thanksgiving feast

    Stay off of your thighs!

    May your Holiday be blessed!
  16. moreluck

    moreluck golden ticket member

    Dear People,

    "I have never understood why anyone would roast the turkey, and shuck the clams, and crisp the croutons, and shell the peas, and candy the sweets, and compote the cranberries, and bake the pies, and clear the table, and wash the dishes, and fall into bed exhausted when they could just as easily sit back and enjoy a hamburger or a nice grilled steak."

    Sincerely, The Turkey
  17. moreluck

    moreluck golden ticket member

    The Pilgrims and Thanksgiving...

    * Of the 104 passengers that came over on the Mayflower, only 52 survived the first year at Plymouth Rock. Twenty-one of these survivors were under the age of 16. America was, in fact, founded in large by children.

    * 90 Massosoit Indians arrived for the first Thanksgiving celebration.

    * Only four Pilgrim women had survived and oversaw the three-day feast for 142 people.

    * Games were played at the first Thanksgiving and most likely included: "The Staggin Match" where two contestants with their feet tied together and their hands tied behind their backs tried to knock each other down and "A Egge Race To Be Runn," where contestants placed a whole egg in their mouth and raced to a finish line; the first person who crossed with an unbroken egg in their mouth won.

    * Sarah Joseph Hale, fashion editor for Godey's Lady's Book, started a campaign that made Thanksgiving Day the true national celebration as we know it today.

    * Although it wasn't the first, Abraham Lincoln's "Thanksgiving Proclamation," in 1863 seems to be the one that put the holiday on our calendars.


    * Benjamin Franklin suggested the turkey be the American National Bird and was disappointed when the eagle was selected instead. He felt the turkey had much more moral in character.

    * The turkey is native to America and has been around for over 10 million years.

    * The largest turkey on record weighed 86 pounds.

    * Over 45 million turkeys are eaten at Thanksgiving.

    * Since 1999, sales of Tofurky, the vegan 'turkey' have increased 110%.

    * Only male turkeys gobble. Females make a clicking noise

    * Domesticated turkeys can not fly, but the wild turkey can fly at speeds of 55 m.p.h. and run at 20 m.p.h.
  18. wkmac

    wkmac Well-Known Member

    Me too! On chicken and my wife! LOL!!!!!!

    Mr. Turkey,
    On several occassions when the weather has been and could be predicted to be nice we have in fact done just that. And you are absolutely right that at the end of the day you are not exhausted. One year that the weather was predictablly outstanding I got with the neighbors and I purchased numerous racks of ribs and several huge pork shoulders and cooked up pulled pork and ribs on the smoker grill. Granted the prep happened over several days as I use a special brine solution and then apply the rub for 24 hours but the cooking started the night before as I got the fire going good in my smoker (all with real hickory of course) and the meat (ribs went on later) went on at 4 am in order to be ready to eat about mid-afternoon. Also another little secret I use is get a very small metal pan and keep it filled with fresh apple juice and sit it at the edge of the fire. That moisture also penetrates the meat adding to the moisture and flavor.

    We threw up a big portable awning and set up tables and all the neighbors came over and we had the best time that day. A summer cookout/picnic on T-day. We even had margaritas but I'm a beer man myself. I was shocked at how many neighbors showed up before 6 am so we started the party early with a good pot of coffee and my daughter made us some of her blueberry muffins. We drug a TV out on the patio and the kids watched a parade on TV and then we watched a good bit of football with Detroit and somebody. Before we ate we all gathered together and everyone shared something that they were thankful for and it was a special moment because that day we all grew closer together. About 11 pm that evening as a number of us were still out on the patio enjoying those last few moments it hit us that what we had done was more in the tradition of Thanksgiving than any of us realized. What started out as a wild, crazy idea turned into something more real and to this day those that still live here talk about the first one and those new to the area must always endure at their first one, the stories about the real first one. Let's face it, the real first T-day was a gathering of neighbors to fellowship and gives thanks for what they had and to get to know one another.

    For all it was a lesson in life and history to in a sense. And Yes, we still do it from time to time so we do give you a break every so often. But not this year as a number of families went out of town and we're off to grandma's house. No cooking for me today.

    God Bless All of You!
  19. moreluck

    moreluck golden ticket member

    You Might Be A Redneck This Thanksgiving If. . . . . . . .

    You've ever had Thanksgiving dinner on a Ping-Pong table.

    Thanksgiving dinner is squirrel and dumplings.

    You've ever re-used a paper plate.

    If you have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Cool Whip on the side.

    If you've ever used your ironing board as a buffet table.

    Your turkey platter is an old hub cap.

    Your best dishes have Dixie printed on them.

    Your stuffing's secret ingredient comes from the bait shop.

    Your only condiment on the dining room table is ketchup.

    Side dishes include beef jerky and Moon Pies.

    You have to go outside to get something out of the 'fridge.

    The directions to your house include "turn off the paved road".

    You consider pork and beans to be a gourmet food.

    You have an Elvis Jell-o mold.

    Your secret family recipe is illegal.

    You serve Vienna Sausage as an appetizer.
  20. moreluck

    moreluck golden ticket member

    Thanksgiving at Maxine's....

    I've been getting my house ready for Thanksgiving. You know, turning out the lights, pulling the shades, locking the doors.

    I'm sure some of you out there are wondering how Floyd and I will spend the day. After I drag out of bed and down a couple of quarts of industrio-strength coffee, we love to settle down in our favorite chairs and watch one hot-air filled, goofy creature after another. Yep, it's the Thanksgiving parade of relatives!

    Speaking of which, anybody who thinks Thanksgiving parade floats are boring probably doesn't own a B.B. gun.

    After the parade, I'll head out into the kitchen to fix the feast. When making Thanksgiving dinner, do your giblets end up in the gravy? Or do you wear a bra when you cook?

    Last year I stuffed a few turkeys. But this year, the uncles are eating somewhere else.

    Every year I hear from folks who are stumped as to what they should do with all the leftover turkey, stuffing and potatoes. I have a great idea for Thanksgiving leftovers. Eat them. It's not that tough, Sherlock.

    After the chowfest, those who still can button their pants head back to the television to watch the football games. What do those players say in the huddles anyway, "Lets bang into the other team and form a big pile?"

    Actually, Thanksgiving is my kind of holiday. When else do you get away with giving your loved ones the bird after they tell you to stuff it?