MrFedEx
Engorged Member
Dear Minions,
I have been forced to communicate with you because there are lots of noises about the legality of my latest business genius, namely using FedEx Ground to deliver FedEx Express packages so I can make more money. First, know this. I AM ABOVE THE LAW!! I make my own rules and then count on the hundreds of millions of dollars I have invested in politicians of both parties. I OWN these people and they answer to ME, so I don't want any more disruptive talk about "change". The RLA is here to stay. I just called Mitch McConnell and he assures me that he will personally keep his "soldiers" in-line and on-board for keeping America free and allowing Job Creators (I AM The Creator) like me to flourish and continue to do whatever I want to create more profit for me.
Remember way back when I first purchased Ground with Express profits? I promised that the 2 companies would ALWAYS be separate and that operations would never be combined? First off, I never keep promises, OK? And second, I knew full well that combining operations would cause me to lose my RLA status at Express and that The Teamsters would ensure that Express employees got a fair deal. Ummm...NO. I doubled down on political contributions, and kept the threat at bay by only sneaking in Ground where I could. As the years passed, I leveraged The RLA whenever possible by threatening layoffs, "economic disruption" and Communistical incursions by demonic unions. When Boeing was going through a dry spell, I made delivery of 777s contingent upon The RLA staying in place, and the Senators from Boeing rolled over on their backs and let me have my way with them. Senators Murray and Cantwell pressured the Senate to let me have my way, so Boeing could sell more planes. See how it works?? These 2 are Democrats, so I got a twofer. God, I'm good.
Another way I lie about Grexpress is by saying that I can move MY freight any way I choose, even if it makes that freight late, damaged, or unusable. Vital passports, medical supplies, and parts for downed assembly lines mean nothing to me because all I care about is PROFIT. That's why I keep tacking on more surcharges while simultaneously downgrading the level of services FedEx provides. Even if I toss a package across the street to deliver it, you're still going to pay some surcharges. $$$$$
The biggest lie is that doing anything about The RLA would "disrupt the national economy and prevent customers from receiving their vital packages". LOFL. That one has been working for over 50 years, and my Conservative supporters absolutely love the fact that this anti-union, Free Market entrepreneurship on my part is what makes America GREAT!! I crap all over my employees, make tons of money, and then re-invest that money into Red State Real Americans who will do my bidding and keep my company union-free. Because I am a Great American Job Creator, I should be able to have low-wage/no benefit drivers deliver ALL of my Express freight if I choose because it makes me money. Again, the law(s) make no difference, because I'm who I am.
Between those Far Right leaders and my legal team, I do whatever I please. I create Ground contracts under which I have total control, treat Ground workers like employees but pretend they aren't, and actually kill people without any consequences. Yes, I WAS drunk when I ran over that pedestrian in Memphis, and I WAS drunk again when I crashed that car in college and killed my buddy. But, guess what? I'm rich, and that makes a big difference when it comes to the law. Daddy left me over $400M way back when, and that really helps when I do bad things. Remember when I blew it all and had to swindle my sisters to keep the company going? Yep, that's why i was drunk that day and ran that guy over. We paid off his family and the cop who witnessed me hit and run. Bwahahahahahah!!
Lastly...Raj. This man is everything I wanted and needed an as heir-apparent to FedEx Express. Of course, I tell him exactly what to do, and he jumps like a trained dog. He's scheming, conniving, and dishonest, just like me! He has what it takes to lead Express, which means doing my bidding and screwing over anyone and everyone who interrupts my cash flow. Pumping up the stock, lying about everything, and now, cutting jobs?? He is my boy and I am so proud of him.
I am ABOVE the law. Remember that.
I have been forced to communicate with you because there are lots of noises about the legality of my latest business genius, namely using FedEx Ground to deliver FedEx Express packages so I can make more money. First, know this. I AM ABOVE THE LAW!! I make my own rules and then count on the hundreds of millions of dollars I have invested in politicians of both parties. I OWN these people and they answer to ME, so I don't want any more disruptive talk about "change". The RLA is here to stay. I just called Mitch McConnell and he assures me that he will personally keep his "soldiers" in-line and on-board for keeping America free and allowing Job Creators (I AM The Creator) like me to flourish and continue to do whatever I want to create more profit for me.
Remember way back when I first purchased Ground with Express profits? I promised that the 2 companies would ALWAYS be separate and that operations would never be combined? First off, I never keep promises, OK? And second, I knew full well that combining operations would cause me to lose my RLA status at Express and that The Teamsters would ensure that Express employees got a fair deal. Ummm...NO. I doubled down on political contributions, and kept the threat at bay by only sneaking in Ground where I could. As the years passed, I leveraged The RLA whenever possible by threatening layoffs, "economic disruption" and Communistical incursions by demonic unions. When Boeing was going through a dry spell, I made delivery of 777s contingent upon The RLA staying in place, and the Senators from Boeing rolled over on their backs and let me have my way with them. Senators Murray and Cantwell pressured the Senate to let me have my way, so Boeing could sell more planes. See how it works?? These 2 are Democrats, so I got a twofer. God, I'm good.
Another way I lie about Grexpress is by saying that I can move MY freight any way I choose, even if it makes that freight late, damaged, or unusable. Vital passports, medical supplies, and parts for downed assembly lines mean nothing to me because all I care about is PROFIT. That's why I keep tacking on more surcharges while simultaneously downgrading the level of services FedEx provides. Even if I toss a package across the street to deliver it, you're still going to pay some surcharges. $$$$$
The biggest lie is that doing anything about The RLA would "disrupt the national economy and prevent customers from receiving their vital packages". LOFL. That one has been working for over 50 years, and my Conservative supporters absolutely love the fact that this anti-union, Free Market entrepreneurship on my part is what makes America GREAT!! I crap all over my employees, make tons of money, and then re-invest that money into Red State Real Americans who will do my bidding and keep my company union-free. Because I am a Great American Job Creator, I should be able to have low-wage/no benefit drivers deliver ALL of my Express freight if I choose because it makes me money. Again, the law(s) make no difference, because I'm who I am.
Between those Far Right leaders and my legal team, I do whatever I please. I create Ground contracts under which I have total control, treat Ground workers like employees but pretend they aren't, and actually kill people without any consequences. Yes, I WAS drunk when I ran over that pedestrian in Memphis, and I WAS drunk again when I crashed that car in college and killed my buddy. But, guess what? I'm rich, and that makes a big difference when it comes to the law. Daddy left me over $400M way back when, and that really helps when I do bad things. Remember when I blew it all and had to swindle my sisters to keep the company going? Yep, that's why i was drunk that day and ran that guy over. We paid off his family and the cop who witnessed me hit and run. Bwahahahahahah!!
Lastly...Raj. This man is everything I wanted and needed an as heir-apparent to FedEx Express. Of course, I tell him exactly what to do, and he jumps like a trained dog. He's scheming, conniving, and dishonest, just like me! He has what it takes to lead Express, which means doing my bidding and screwing over anyone and everyone who interrupts my cash flow. Pumping up the stock, lying about everything, and now, cutting jobs?? He is my boy and I am so proud of him.
I am ABOVE the law. Remember that.
Last edited:
