Management Quotes

[tups]

PCM yesterday morning....

Sup: Were still having issues with discrepencies. Make sure you scan every package on your car. Misloads, bad pals etc.

Us: Ok..

Today..

Sup: Make sure you scan every package....Did you scan the package for 123 Main St?

Me: No, wasn't on the car. Never had it.

Sup: You need to scan every package.

Me: It wasn't on the car, how could I scan it?

Sup: It comes back on you as missing stops, so make sure you scan every package on your car.

Me: It must have been misloaded, I didn't have it.

Sup: Well you need to make sure you scan misloads and bad pals.

Me; This is going nowhere, I'm leaving.

 

[FromBluetoBrown]

And of course the classic management quote.



"Trust me"

 

[hoser]

"Hold on, let me ask (Insert Center Managers Name Here)"

My current sup is absolutely worthless. He cannot make one decision on his own and must constantly ask the center manager for every little thing. Logic would say I would be better off completely ceasing all communication with my supervisor and just dealing with my center manager.

*via diad* Today

Sup: Call the center ASAP
Me: No phone. Please use DIAD. What do you want
Sup: Call me at the center ASAP, you have a cell phone, 2nd request
Me: I have a cell phone and a DIAD. Use the DIAD. 2nd request
Sup: Stop what you're doing right now and find a phone
Sup: It's been 15 minutes, still waiting for your call.
Me: I stopped and found a phone as instructed. Was I supposed to call too.
Sup: Yes - Use it and call now - Final request
Me: I need quarters. Have none. Waisted 30 mins, will now have missed bus stops.
Sup: Nevermind, no missed.
Me: Will try my best. Wasnt too important huh...

damn friend'n straight. unless UPS pays you for that cell phone or they give you the quarters to make the call, you don't make the call

 

[tieguy]

It now takes 3 drivers to do what you did alone??? You delivery stud you.

indeed i was a fire breathing , deep scratching hell raising driver. Either that or the area i used to deliver grew.

 

[Forty6and2]

Dispatcher to Driver-"We got you on a split-route today. But don't worry, it's all easy resi. No apartments. Just houses."

(Then after you get the business done and start to get into the resi....first five stops are apartment complexes with multiple stops inside them.)

 

[Covemastah]

sup '' i'll have your job'' can't remember his name ,last I heard was fired at Air Borne DHL to you newbies
sup ''your paid ovah!! again,you''l never make it here!!! ooohhhh!!! what was his name,he got fired for stealing 19 yrs ago!!! funny how i work honest and hard as I can,I'm still here !!!!! Yankees Suck !!!

 

[Mike Hawk]

Not really a quote but an April fools prank. Our preload is super short staffed, had 2 people go to driving school and 2 on vacation this week, one on vacation being the clerk and the other being the 2nd backup clerk so I was the only person that could do the clerk job. I called the center on my cell phone when I got to work (I start half hour after the preload so nobody was around in the parking lot) and told my friend/t supe I can’t make it in because I'm sick. This isn’t just pretending to be sick though, it’s pretending to pretend to be sick.

"I, uh, stayed up too late last night drinking, I didn’t get enough sleep to safely work."
"BS you need to get to work now we are already short staffed and I don’t need this BS from you etc. etc."
"I really can’t make it I think I strained my collar bone doing a keg stand"
I was dieing here I couldn’t believe I made it this far with out busting out laughing

I had her hook, line and sinker. She really thought i was trying to con my way into a day off and she was absolutely furious. I kept up with trying to convince her I was sick for another minute or so then I walked in the door and stuck my head into the office, "APRIL FOOLS!" the look on her face was priceless and totally worth it. She will never live that one down.

 

[brownmonster]

Ah, the keg stand. My neighbor kid was dropped on his face doing a keg stand. Had to go to the hospital. His parents think he was wrestling with his buddy. My daughter told me the true story.

 

[soberups]

"A 'no' vote on this contract is a vote to strike. This is our best, last and final offer."

 

[soberups]

After calling in to inform management that I had blown my car out at my 3rd pickup stop and couldnt contain the rest of my pickups or even dig my remaining deliveries out, I was told....
"You need to manage the bulk, don't let the bulk manage you."

 

[soberups]

"You dont need power steering, just wait to turn your steering wheel until the car is rolling and you will never know the difference"

 

[soberups]

"You dont need to waste any time sorting, preload has already done that for you. The stops are lined up sequentially."

 

[soberups]

"You don't need any area knowledge to run scratch. Just follow the methods and display a sense of urgency."

 

[Mike Hawk]

Still can’t believe she didn’t catch on after i "strained my collar bone" ROFL strain a bone.

I slipped on the edge of one of the steps and hit my head on the door latch when I was helping last peak, it was bleeding so much it was like a faucet. There was an unbroken stream of blood coming from my forehead onto the ground for the first minute. The center manager drove out to drive me to the hospital so i thought. As we passed the hospital we were driving through a school zone with one of those signs with a built in solar speedometer, he was doing 38mph in a 20, driving me away from the hospital.

I didn't say anything about the speed because I was still intimidated by this big boss manager that id only seen once, but I’m pretty sure if he saw a driver do that he would fire them on the spot. Should have whipped out my cell phone and snapped a shot of the sign.

Me "where are we going? i need to go to a hospital."
center manager "we need to report this injury asap"
(my head is still bleeding but not as much, they guy we were delivering to brought me out a towel)
Me "umm I can’t talk to anyone over the phone when I’m passed out from blood loss"
center manager "you will be fine"
Then I said something like "I hope your office staff doesn’t mind being bled on while we call this in"

He finally turned around and took me to the hospital for 8 stitches. (and some vicadin of course) The same center manager had me address correct an early AM for the hospital to a zip code without any commit time for air. The hospital is like 3 streets away from a zip code that has the early commit, and is only like 10 minutes from the center. Yes the hospital is technically in a zip code without a commit any they lie on the address label so they get the service they paid for, but really if it’s so important that it has to be rushed to a hospital and they paid for the am service why not give it to them in the spirit of service. Wouldn’t that be a headline, "man dies because ups delivered late".


Anyways c’mon Tieguy where are your amusing Union Goon quotes? I've never seen so many pot shots at management without a Tieguy rebuttal.

 

[FromBluetoBrown]

Our misloads have been so bad they have reduced themselves to putting large cones behind the offending preloaders truck so that everyone can see who the idiots are with misloads. I made mention of the fact that it was a trip hazard and was told "Well if they weren't misloading packages then they wouldn't have the cone there would they?"

 

[rod]

whats next---making them wear the cones like dunce hats?

 

[Mike Hawk]

I've heard of supes making loaders call out the truck name of every package they load if they misload too much. I'd feel like such a tard if I was the only one doing it. I don’t think it actually works its just humiliating.

 

[FromBluetoBrown]

whats next---making them wear the cones like dunce hats?

Well thats what I did with it

 

[tieguy]

Anyways c’mon Tieguy where are your amusing Union Goon quotes? I've never seen so many pot shots at management without a Tieguy rebuttal.

Actually i think this thread is pretty funny and a good lesson to management on how we come across.

The union goon is a different issue. Kind of a reverse of what you post here.

 

[helenofcalifornia]

"This is the last, best and final offer" is the best management quote of them all. You newbies may not remember that this was what was said to us during the 1997 strike negotiations.