MT3: I'm Here To Answer Your Questions!!

[Cactus]

Hey Matthew III, got a question or two concerning district skip-level meetings.

Why is it only the suckasses from any given station are invited to attend and only pre-scripted questions allowed? Also why do they have to drive to the district offices when you could easily fly them there? Afterall FedEx is supposed to be an airline.

 

[MrFedEx]

Hey Matthew III, got a question or two concerning district skip-level meetings.

Why is it only the suckasses from any given station are invited to attend and only pre-scripted questions allowed? Also why do they have to drive to the district offices when you could easily fly them there? Afterall FedEx is supposed to be an airline.

Dear Cactus,

Thanks for your participation!! Wow, you couldn't possibly be more misinformed! At skip-level meetings, all employees are randomly chosen, and the dialogue is completely spontaneous. Anything goes when we open up the floor for discussions!! I love informing employees about how great they have it here at FedEx and how much the company cares about them!! It's a real-time, no-holds-barred 2-way communication showdown!

Please remember that we are a company ON THE EDGE!! Every penny we save goes directly to pay your wages and great benefits!! That's why we have employees drive to these very special events. Just like me, I am driven...um..drive myself everywhere, and when I drive home to Chi...uhh, Germantown, every day, I do it to save the company expenses. An important person like me is usually driven or flown everywhere, kind of like a king or great leader should be. But I don't do that!! I'm with you, Cactus!!

I Care,
MT3

 

[bbsam]

You're a joke. I guess we just better buckle-down and be miserable haters. Glad things are good for you. Wish I could sit on my ass and decide whether or not I wanted to play golf, watch TV, or groom the local soccer field. You're sounding more and more like JC Watts every day.

I may be a joke, but the laugh's on you.

 

[DontThrowPackages]

Mr MT3,

One more question. With all the changes having been made in the last few years to xpress, how soon will it be when your boss decides to eliminate xpress as we know it and replace those drivers with drivers stolen away from contractors and newly made US citizens thanks to immigration reform? I mean, we can all see the changes made, thanks to DRA, go hand in hand for someone with little or no English skills. It only makes sense, as if someone was a Washington insider, to make this type of move only because he knew a great number of future employees are just waiting across the border to jump in a truck and move your packages around. And how are you going to compensate all those Contractors who bought your routes, your trucks and your uniforms after you've stolen away their drivers and eliminated their usefulness?
Thank you again, Still living in my car. Address Walmart parking lot.

 

[Route 66]

Thank you again, Still living in my car. Address Walmart parking lot.

sounds to me like you're most likely living above your means. If you would simply start being a wise spender and living within your means like myself, you would no longer be forced to live in your car in WalMart parking lot.

You could be living in your car in Target's parking lot like me.

 

[MrFedEx]

I may be a joke, but the laugh's on you.

Whatever. You need to change your political parties.

 

[MrFedEx]

Mr MT3,

One more question. With all the changes having been made in the last few years to xpress, how soon will it be when your boss decides to eliminate xpress as we know it and replace those drivers with drivers stolen away from contractors and newly made US citizens thanks to immigration reform? I mean, we can all see the changes made, thanks to DRA, go hand in hand for someone with little or no English skills. It only makes sense, as if someone was a Washington insider, to make this type of move only because he knew a great number of future employees are just waiting across the border to jump in a truck and move your packages around. And how are you going to compensate all those Contractors who bought your routes, your trucks and your uniforms after you've stolen away their drivers and eliminated their usefulness?
Thank you again, Still living in my car. Address Walmart parking lot.

Dear DTP,

Go Team Purple!! I hope you're handing out sales leads at WalMart and being productive for FedEx in your off-duty time! Mr. Smith and I have been working on the Purple Bracero Program (PBP) for quite awhile now, and we've purchas...er, persuaded a number of politicians to get onboard the low-coast labor train. Basically, we'll have a special deal (like the RLA) that allows only FedEx to import Mexican labor and, most importantly, pay Mexican wages. No benefits, and about $4.50 per hour!! If they aren't productive enough, we just deport them and order a new batch.

This is a win-win for you because you will be free to pursue new career opportunities AND free to compete in the labor market against Mexican workers. This allows you to be twice as productive...just to keep your job! These same braceros would replace our current Ground drivers, who don't work for us anyway, and then FedEx would buyout the contractors for peanuts and take the Ground division back into full ownership!

I am so smart...and also so suave!! Bravo Zulu!!
Yours Truly,
MT3

 

[hypo hanna]

Dear lardas...erm, mr. Thornton,

i know FedEx likes to have me out in public in a sharp uniform but mine is just plain worn out and my manager says new ones aren't in the budget. How can I best represent the company wearing rags?

​HH

 

[bbsam]

Whatever. You need to change your political parties.

Not pure enough for you?

 

[MrFedEx]

Dear lardas...erm, mr. Thornton,

i know FedEx likes to have me out in public in a sharp uniform but mine is just plain worn out and my manager says new ones aren't in the budget. How can I best represent the company wearing rags?

​HH

Dear HH,

Another great question!! I'm going to send you a Styrofoam DC10! New uniforms are readily available on eBay and also at the Salvation Army and Goodwill stores for a nominal price. As we are completely broke at FedEx and have no money, it is up to you to look professional at all times while on the job! If you don't adhere to the Appearance Policy exactly, you will be disciplined, up to and including termination. Obviously, you are abusing your Stan Herman Designware uniform, which is supposed to last for 100 years.

Thanks for asking, but this one is up to YOU to solve!! Live the Purple Promise and worship me, because I am a god.

Regards,
Uncle Matt

 

[Mr. 7]

Matt,
I find it really odd that all-of-a-sudden Mr. FedEx and you are great pals.
Don't you know that Mr. FedEx is the #1 hater of FedEx on this site?
Heck, you should read some of the stuff he has posted about you in the past.

This leads me to believe that maybe Mr. FedEx has joined your Lackey ASPIRE program. Did you start him off small by washing your limo to make him feel needed? Or, do you think that after all these years of Mr. FedEx bashing the company on this very site that he is actually a mole? Looking for a way into the system just so he can destroy it?

 

[Route 66]

Dear lardas...erm, mr. Thornton,

i know FedEx likes to have me out in public in a sharp uniform but mine is just plain worn out and my manager says new ones aren't in the budget. How can I best represent the company wearing rags?

​HH

ya know, I think that wearing rags DOES best represent the company as we know it today....tattered, pathetic remnant of it's former self.

 

[thedownhillEXPRESS]

Dear Matt,

Why does it look like you ate a Panda?

Sincerly,
Courier who used to give a crap

 

[hypo hanna]

Dear Empty 3,

my customers have been complaining a lot about our call centers. Sometimes it takes two or three tries to get through the agents bad english to schedule a pickup. Other times they are transferred to a dispatcher where they get another recording. What should I tell them?

 

[MrFedEx]

Dear Matt,

Why does it look like you ate a Panda?

Sincerly,
Courier who used to give a crap

Dear Downhill EXPRESS,

Another outstanding question!! Our pandas are like our couriers...when they get sick or injured, we get rid of them! And because pandas are delicious all fried-up or even stir-fried, I eat them whenever possible!! Ling-Ling recently broke her leg and couldn't get back to her cage in 90 days. Per policy, she was displaced from the zoo, and since there were no positions open in other zoos, we killed her and had a great BBQ at Fred's house!!

I think you're the greatest!
Regards,
MT3

 

[MrFedEx]

Dear Empty 3,

my customers have been complaining a lot about our call centers. Sometimes it takes two or three tries to get through the agents bad english to schedule a pickup. Other times they are transferred to a dispatcher where they get another recording. What should I tell them?

Dear HH,

Way to go!! Tell your customers that they are our top priority and that we excel at promising the Purple Promise!! What you describe is impossible, because our Call Center Agents all get at least 30 minutes of training and must speak at least 5 words of English fluently!! We are currently building a new $50M Call Center in Somalia, which should be on-line as soon as the country gets electricity!! You're #1!!

Love,
MT3

 

[MrFedEx]

Matt,
I find it really odd that all-of-a-sudden Mr. FedEx and you are great pals.
Don't you know that Mr. FedEx is the #1 hater of FedEx on this site?
Heck, you should read some of the stuff he has posted about you in the past.

This leads me to believe that maybe Mr. FedEx has joined your Lackey ASPIRE program. Did you start him off small by washing your limo to make him feel needed? Or, do you think that after all these years of Mr. FedEx bashing the company on this very site that he is actually a mole? Looking for a way into the system just so he can destroy it?

Dear Mr.7,

MFE and I are the same person!! He thinks I am the greatest leader ever!!

God Bless,
Matt

 

[DontThrowPackages]

Saw Frontline yesterday and I must say thank you for taking our advise and lose the hand q cards. By sitting there with your hands folded, I actually paid more attention to the word coming from your mouth and you looked less phony-politician like. I will admit, I did notice you twice catching yourself from going back into happy hands mode. Nice to know you or someone close to you is listening to us.

 

[MrFedEx]

Saw Frontline yesterday and I must say thank you for taking our advise and lose the hand q cards. By sitting there with your hands folded, I actually paid more attention to the word coming from your mouth and you looked less phony-politician like. I will admit, I did notice you twice catching yourself from going back into happy hands mode. Nice to know you or someone close to you is listening to us.

Dear DTP,

Thanks for noticing!!! See, We Hear You!! Actually, I'm playing with myself when I'm not in Happy Hands mode. This keeps little MT3 happy down below. Have a productive day!!

Your Best friend,
Matt

 

[whenIgetthere]

Dear DTP,

Thanks for noticing!!! See, We Hear You!! Actually, I'm playing with myself when I'm not in Happy Hands mode. This keeps little MT3 happy down below. Have a productive day!!

Your Best friend,
Matt

Shouldn't that be have a productive but low paid day, being from MT3?