MT3: I'm Here To Answer Your Questions!!

bbsam

Moderator
Staff member
Yes. Black people are to think, speak, and act in one of about four stereotypical fashions and MFE has determined which one Thornton portrays.
 

MrFedEx

Engorged Member
Yes. Black people are to think, speak, and act in one of about four stereotypical fashions and MFE has determined which one Thornton portrays.

Matt Thornton is a failure as a leader and he gets worse all the time. Why do they keep him around? I think he should re-name himself Clarence Thomas Thornton.
 

MrFedEx

Engorged Member
You have also told us that the Union would take our pension. Is this another propaganda statement?

Dear Goldilocks,

Super question!! Because we care so much, we stole your pension to protect it from the Teamsters. Right now, it's gathering interest in a money-market fund so it will be a huge amount when we return it to you someday soon!! It's up at the top of Mt. Crumpet, and on Christmas, Uncle Fred and I will return it to you and we'll all hold hands and sing carols around a roaring fire!! You can trust me, just like you can trust Fred!! We always have your best interests at heart.

I Care SO Much,
Your Uncle Matt
 

Mr. 7

The monkey on the left.
Yes. Black people are to think, speak, and act in one of about four stereotypical fashions and MFE has determined which one Thornton portrays.

Do you even know who we're talking about? Seen him? Met him?

Dear DTP,

Sorry for the delay!! I was checking on the new ostrich leather interior being installed in my new private jet, Happy Hands 2. Boy, is she one sweet ride! Anyway, back to your very important question! Your appearance is crucial to FedEx, and that's why I've started the Management Color Bar (MCB) Program. Soon, our engineers here in Memphis will be sending out a MCB Job Aid to each manager so they can evaluate the colors of your uniform. If your shirt is Robin's Egg Blue, for example, it's still acceptable to wear. If it is completely white it is no longer an acceptable uniform garment. We still won't replace it, because that would cost Fred money.

Matt,
I heard, for Christmas, we're gonna get dye packs for our laundry that will turn the blue uniforms navy blue again.
Which super-smart engineer in Memphis do we owe this honor to?
 

MrFedEx

Engorged Member
Do you even know who we're talking about? Seen him? Met him?



Matt,
I heard, for Christmas, we're gonna get dye packs for our laundry that will turn the blue uniforms navy blue again.
Which super-smart engineer in Memphis do we owe this honor to?

Dear Mr. 7,

Yes, it's true!! Santa is going to bring you some Navy Blue Dye, but we're going to deduct the cost ($50) from your first 2014 paycheck. We're also sending some blue duct tape so you can patch the holes in your uniforms! In the interim, it is acceptable to use P1 stickers to cover holes larger than a half-inch. And for you cold weather couriers, we have a special gift for you too!! Each station has been directed to take it's worn-out document sort bags and give these to couriers so they can fashion cold weather gear out of them. You may use zip ties and packaging tape, but this is an activity that must be performed off the clock. In lieu of a hat, it is acceptable to wear a Courier Pak envelope on top of your head and to tape Courier Pak Boxes around your shoes if they need insulation!! WE CARE!!

Me, I'll be spending Peak in Hawaii, but I'll be carefully watching the operation the whole time!! Bravo Zulu!!
Your Friend,
Matt
 

El Morado Diablo

Well-Known Member
Dear Muffy,

We recently had a meeting with our Sr Mgr regarding employee terminations. In the course of the discussion our Sr Mgr admitted the recently terminated employees would have had a better chance of keeping their jobs if they had lied about the circumstances that led to their dismissal. I'm confused; I thought 'Honesty was the best policy'?

Mejores amigos para siempre,

El Morado Diablo
 

Goldilocks

Well-Known Member
so you are saying that he doesn't speak or act like a black mania "supposed" to?


​Ohhh, yes he does. Remember this, You can take a man out of the Ghetto, but you cant take the Ghetto out of the man.....Does not apply to all, but in this case yes it does....
 
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MrFedEx

Engorged Member
Dear Muffy,

We recently had a meeting with our Sr Mgr regarding employee terminations. In the course of the discussion our Sr Mgr admitted the recently terminated employees would have had a better chance of keeping their jobs if they had lied about the circumstances that led to their dismissal. I'm confused; I thought 'Honesty was the best policy'?

Mejores amigos para siempre,

El Morado Diablo


Dear Hispanic Person,

We respect diversity here at FedEx. Just yesterday, I had Dano run out and fetch me some Taco Bell for lunch. I'm feeling more like Cesar Chavez every minute!! Honesty is the best policy, but only for hourlies. Lying works a lot better for us. Just look where it's gotten me!!
El Pollo Loco!! Look, I'm just one crazy Hispanic-loving leader. Got to go out and shine my Chevy!!

Your Gringo Empanada,
Matt
 

DontThrowPackages

Well-Known Member
Dear Muffy,

We recently had a meeting with our Sr Mgr regarding employee terminations. In the course of the discussion our Sr Mgr admitted the recently terminated employees would have had a better chance of keeping their jobs if they had lied about the circumstances that led to their dismissal. I'm confused; I thought 'Honesty was the best policy'?

Mejores amigos para siempre,

El Morado Diablo
It's true. Your words, honesty, are used as evidence to lead to your termination. So many times employees are fired for being honest, telling the truth on something that was an honest mistake. I won't getting into details but one employee was called in on a serious matter. If he tells the panel exactly what happens, he's gone. He gets there and simply says he doesn't recall any details of the matter. Panel says we don't believe you. He says well Friday after work he drank so much, that he doesn't remember much of last week. He kept his job and again proved that telling the truth isn't worth telling at this place. Back stabbing, throwing under the bus and lying seems to go a long way.
 

Mr. 7

The monkey on the left.
I once had a mgr. / friend tell me that if I'm ever accused of anything deny everything.
Haven't had to go there yet.
 

MrFedEx

Engorged Member
I once had a mgr. / friend tell me that if I'm ever accused of anything deny everything.
Haven't had to go there yet.

Sage advice. Deny everything and lie if you must. They do it all the time. Why should you be held to a higher standard?
 
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