One liners, short jokes, funny sayings, puns, etal

[moreluck]

1. How does Jesus make tea???? Hebrews it.
2. What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino? Elephino!
3. What did the farmer say when he couldn’t find his tractor? “Where’s my Tractor?!”
4. Have you heard about the duck that was arrested for dealing? He was selling “quack”.
5. What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
6. How do you catch a unique rabbit? You ‘neek’ up on it.
7. How do you catch a tame rabbit? The ‘tame’ way.
8. What did the green grape say to the purple grape? BREATHE!
9. *While waving your hands on either side of the other person’s head* “running through the woods, running through the woods, running through the woods. Close our eyes!” *smack person on forehead* “TREE! Never close your eyes when you’re running through the woods!”
10. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Hippa. Hippa who? I’m sorry, I’can’t tell you that.
11. Two muffins are in an oven. One muffin says “gosh, it’s hot in here”. The other muffin screams “AAAH!! A talking muffin!”
12. If you’re American in the living room, what are you in the bathroom? European!
13. A liberal, a moderate, and a conservative walk into a bar. Bartender says, “Hey Mitt! What’ll ya have?”
14. What does the man in the moon do when his hair gets too long? Eclipse it!

 

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I know these jokes are a pain in the ***, but they are the favorites of a now deceased down syndrome girl..... I posted different ones in all joke sites. ...

1. What do you call a deer with no eyes? No eye deer.
2. What’s the last thing that goes thru a bug’s mind as he hits the windshield? His butt.
3. Knock knock- who’s there? Dwayne. Dwayne who? Dwayne the tub I’m dwounding!
4. The past, present and future walk into a bar. It was tense.
5. What goes “ha ha thump”? A man laughing his head off.
6. What did the grape say when he was pinched? Nothing, he gave a little wine.
7. What’s brown and sticky? A stick!
8. Why are pirates so mean? I don’t know, they just arrrrrrrrr!
9. Why was Tigger looking in the toilet? He was looking for Pooh!
10. What do you get when you throw a piano down a mine shaft? A flat miner.
11. Have you heard about the cannibal that passed his brother in the forest?
12. Who’s there?” … “Control freak. Okay now you say, ‘Control freak who?”
13. What do you call cheese that’s not yours? It’s nacho cheese.
14. What do you get when you put a candle in a suit of armor? A knight light.

 

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Two blondes walked into a building the other day... you would have thought that at least one of them would have seen it!!

 

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A talk on sex...
A minister gave a talk to the Lions Club on sex. When he got home, he couldn't tell his wife that he had spoken on sex, so he said he had discussed horseback riding with the members.
A few days later, she ran into some men at the shopping center and they complimented her on the speech her husband had made.
She said, "Yes, I heard. I was surprised about the subject matter, as he's only tried it twice. The first time he got so sore he could hardly walk, and the second time he fell off."

 

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Q: What did the judge say when a skunk walked into the courtroom?
A: "Odor in the court!"

 

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[oldngray]

 

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Ladies, not having dating success? Talk to your guy-no-call-ogist

 

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NEVER TRUST AN ACUPUNCTURIST

THEY'RE BACK-STABBERS

 

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Parallel lines have so much in common. It's a shame they'll never meet.

 

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My wife accused me of being immature. I told her to get out of my fort.

 

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Women only call me ugly until they find out how much I'm worth. Then they call me ugly and poor.

 

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She left him on the sofa when the phone rang, and was back in a few seconds.
"Who was it?" he asked.
"My husband," she replied.
"I better get going," he said. "Where was he?"
"Relax. He's downtown playing poker with you."