Best zingers given or received?

[Brownslave688]

One time we had a PCM given by some gung-ho rookie with about 4 months of seniority who had just joined the Safety Committee and was on a mission to change the world. He gave us this big elaborate demonstration of the proper way to lift an (empty) box up off the floor, while reciting the 8 keys to lifting and lowering. He then went around to each member of our group, placed a candy bar on the floor in front of us, and told us we could have the candy bar if we demonstrated proper lifting methods for getting it up off of the floor while at the same time accurately reciting the 8 keys. When it was my turn....I simply stepped on the candy bar and squashed it flat into the floor with my boot as I turned and walked away.

Well played. I probably would have said "I'm diabetic" and walked away.

Actually thought was I like candy bars. So I would have told him I've got some OCD issues and that I would need to put the candy bar on the floor. After handing me the candy bar I would have said thank you. That's how you use existing tools. Open and eat.

At least that's how it played out in my head.

 

[Jones]

Walking through the building with a heavy box up on my shoulder (that's just how I do it).
Young supervisor stops me and says "Hey, where's your power zone?"
"Bend over and I'll show you"

 

[texan]

Walking through the building with a heavy box up on my shoulder (that's just how I do it).
Young supervisor stops me and says "Hey, where's your power zone?"
"Bend over and I'll show you"

Ah you are like me.

My shoulders are my strongest point by genes I guess.

Never was the best at curls or squats, but I could clean and press 140 to 175 over my head at my peak.

So to this day when it is over 50 pounds and feasable, to the shoulder it goes for a haul.

 

[Cementups]

Walking through the building with a heavy box up on my shoulder (that's just how I do it).
Young supervisor stops me and says "Hey, where's your power zone?"
"Bend over and I'll show you"

Similar. I was walking by my center manager and holding a package down in front of my crotch. He says, "Aren't you supposed to be carrying that in your power zone?" I drop the package and draw any imaginary circle around my penis with my hand and say to him, "this IS my power zone!!!!

 

[oldngray]

Walking through the building with a heavy box up on my shoulder (that's just how I do it).
Young supervisor stops me and says "Hey, where's your power zone?"
"Bend over and I'll show you"

I had a supervisor try to ding me for carrying a heavy ( 40-50 lb ) package on my shoulder trying to say its unsafe to do so. I told him how stupid that was when I had to carry it at least 100 yards and on my shoulder is much safer that straining my back and arms trying to carry it that far. He just mumbled and dinged me anyway because it wasn't what his book said was the correct way. I just told him I would do it the same way the next time too.

 

[Brownslave688]

I had a supervisor try to ding me for carrying a heavy ( 40-50 lb ) package on my shoulder trying to say its unsafe to do so. I told him how stupid that was when I had to carry it at least 100 yards and on my shoulder is much safer that straining my back and arms trying to carry it that far. He just mumbled and dinged me anyway because it wasn't what his book said was the correct way. I just told him I would do it the same way the next time too.

we once had a pretty high up safety guy in our center for a PCM on lifting and lowering. He demonstrated by pretty much squating just like a catcher. Bum almost on the ground and knees way out over his toes. I looked at the guy next to me and said trust me do not lift like that. He started laughing.


He looked at us and said is something funny? I said if u want serious knee problems lift like u just did over and over for 30 years. I said I've done a lot of lifting weights in my day. Your knees are most likely to be injured once you go past 90 degrees and your knees hang out past your toes. He turned red. Not sure if it was anger or embarrassment. Either way it was funny to me.

 

[Limper]

I had a supervisor try to ding me for carrying a heavy ( 40-50 lb ) package on my shoulder trying to say its unsafe to do so. I told him how stupid that was when I had to carry it at least 100 yards and on my shoulder is much safer that straining my back and arms trying to carry it that far. He just mumbled and dinged me anyway because it wasn't what his book said was the correct way. I just told him I would do it the same way the next time too.

Totally agree. Paper box on the shoulder works much better than power zone. Trying to explain this to a knucklehead
​no driving experience sup.........good luck.

 

[JDAM00]

We have a miserable woman running our HR department. On break, she tried to give an hourly employee grief about something, he flipped out and yelled something along the lines of "never talk to me on break, come talk to me when the shift starts, I need to be getting paid to have to deal with you". About 40 people heard/saw this and lost it laughing so hard. A riot.

 

[soberups]

After a particularly asinine add/cut on my heavily overdispatched route, I looked at the PDS who had come up with the bright idea and asked..."do you have a medical card for the you were smoking when you came up with this plan? And could you hook me up with a dime bag?

 

[TooTechie]

After a particularly asinine add/cut on my heavily overdispatched route, I looked at the PDS who had come up with the bright idea and asked..."do you have a medical card for the you were smoking when you came up with this plan? And could you hook me up with a dime bag?

That was me today. They supposedly made up a "level" route (usually a split route with overflow from a few other routes) for me today that wasn't normally a route.

I quickly realized that they had taken one of our driver's routes (who had booked off) and gave me all their deliveries, their pickups and their truck...added 50 friggin stops to it and then called it a different route number. bastages.

 

[FilingBluesFL]

One Peak me and another driver were getting kinda frisky...

So while acting like immature pre-teen oafs, it ended up with me bending him over the conveyor belt, and simulating what it would be like if I had my way with him in front of his helper.

After all the carousing and whatnot was over, we were all having a good laugh, and his helper was beet red.

Another driver, laughing his head off, asks the driver I was having my way with, "What he hell would your kid think if he knew you did this kind of crap at work?"

So I hooked a thumb towards his helper, "He's right there, why dontcha ask him yerself? Maybe next time we'll make a sammich outta him!"

Always a good time during peak. His kid never did work as a helper again. Dunno why...

 

[Brownslave688]

One Peak me and another driver were getting kinda frisky...

So while acting like immature pre-teen oafs, it ended up with me bending him over the conveyor belt, and simulating what it would be like if I had my way with him in front of his helper.

After all the carousing and whatnot was over, we were all having a good laugh, and his helper was beet red.

Another driver, laughing his head off, asks the driver I was having my way with, "What he hell would your kid think if he knew you did this kind of crap at work?"

So I hooked a thumb towards his helper, "He's right there, why dontcha ask him yerself? Maybe next time we'll make a sammich outta him!"

Always a good time during peak. His kid never did work as a helper again. Dunno why...

I worked with my dad one summer. Heard more curse words come out of his mouth during the first lunch break than I had in my previous 18 years knowing him.


Kind made him cooler at that point.

 

[BrownArmy]

I heard these things:

1. "Don't hurt your back while you're bending over friend'ng yourself". (driver to sup)

2. "You must be Helen Keller." "What?" "Cause I need to be the Miracle Worker to pull this shizz off". (driver to sup)

Lulz.

 

[TooTechie]

One Peak me and another driver were getting kinda frisky...it ended up with me bending him over the conveyor belt

Too much info...

 

[FilingBluesFL]

Too much info...

8x10 glossies available upon request, for a small fee, of course

 

[soberups]

It was all for training purposes.

You were merely demonstrating to the helper how to utilize proper Driver Release methods.

 

[wilberforce15]

I was driving an irreg train through the unload, when a supervisor nearly took my head off with a pole that was ten feet long and 100 lbs, despite my constant honking and hollering at him not two seconds before.

He said, "Man, I almost took your head off. Wouldn't want to do that. You probably couldn't do your job that way."
Me: "No, but I could do your job that way."

​And I drove off.

 

[Socrates]

Your knees are most likely to be injured once you go past 90 degrees and your knees hang out past your toes. He turned red. Not sure if it was anger or embarrassment. Either way it was funny to me.

That is incredibly incorrect. The easiest way to injure yourself squatting is to not go below parallel, and end up with progressively heavier weights that you can't properly manage. That's why people end up with copious knee wraps, "squat suits" and these other contraptions to mask the fact that they're cheating the system just to pump up the numbers. If you can't squat it below parallel, you can't squat. You can either drop into place with the weight, or you can't. You shouldn't need someone monitoring you and yelling "UP!" as soon as you hit 90 degrees. Same with the clowns that only bench to a couple inches above their chest. If you're in it for looks, and how it makes your Instagram pictures look, then do whatever you want. But legit is press to chest, PAUSE, then up.

That being said, I carry heavy weights at shoulder level whenever possible (anything 40-70), if i know I'm walking a ways or can't use a hand cart (up carpeted stairs, etc.)

 

[quamba 638]

Your knees are most likely to be injured once you go past 90 degrees and your knees hang out past your toes. He turned red. Not sure if it was anger or embarrassment. Either way it was funny to me.

That is incredibly incorrect. The easiest way to injure yourself squatting is to not go below parallel, and end up with progressively heavier weights that you can't properly manage. That's why people end up with copious knee wraps, "squat suits" and these other contraptions to mask the fact that they're cheating the system just to pump up the numbers. If you can't squat it below parallel, you can't squat. You can either drop into place with the weight, or you can't. You shouldn't need someone monitoring you and yelling "UP!" as soon as you hit 90 degrees. Same with the clowns that only bench to a couple inches above their chest. If you're in it for looks, and how it makes your Instagram pictures look, then do whatever you want. But legit is press to chest, PAUSE, then up.

That being said, I carry heavy weights at shoulder level whenever possible (anything 40-70), if i know I'm walking a ways or can't use a hand cart (up carpeted stairs, etc.)

ZING!!!!

 

[didyousheetit]

after having ojs ride. sup said that I had a very good customer relations on route. However, in the morning center manager gets involved and says i'm over allowed, then the story changes to I'm talking to much to customers. so I inform him that he (knows the price of everything, but the value of nothing)