Criticism Sessions

[MrFedEx]

I can't take credit for this idea, but I'm going to try and plant the seed at FedEx. North Korea, whose recently departed Dear Beloved Leader was very similar to our own Dear Beloved Leader Smith, has started persecuting citizens who didn't "mourn" hard enough during bereavement ceremonies. The newly invented "criticism sessions" will allow North Korean officials to interrogate and possibly imprison those who do not mend their ways.

What a wonderful idea for FedEx Express. If you cannot make SPH or otherwise "fail", your manager(s) can take you aside for a Criticism Feedback Session (CFS) at which time you will be tied to a chair and forced to confess why you aren't "trying" hard enough to live the Purple Promise. Perhaps your fellow couriers can join in and offer suggestions on how to better honor Dear Beloved Leader Smith through making goal and creating additional wealth opportunities for our revered upper management team. Physical punishment and emotional berating are both recommended and enlightening for the offending individual.

A special room should be set aside for this training (unpaid, of course), and anyone who doesn't conform will be terminated immediately. "Why did you toss the monitor over the fence?", or "Why are there inconsistencies in your GAP Report?", are just two of millions of possibilities for torturing those who truly don't believe in the Purple Promise.

 

[DOWNTRODDEN IN TEXAS]

I thought about this one for a few minutes and I could definitely see this going on if Dear Beloved Leader of The Purple People could get away with it.

Your fellow couriers would be able to stave off the "re-education sessions" for themselves by "informing" management re-education teams about couriers who do not "live purple enough" to satisfy the rules.

 

[MrFedEx]

I thought about this one for a few minutes and I could definitely see this going on if Dear Beloved Leader of The Purple People could get away with it.

Your fellow couriers would be able to stave off the "re-education sessions" for themselves by "informing" management re-education teams about couriers who do not "live purple enough" to satisfy the rules.

Yes, you understand the mysterious ways of the Purple Ones. They will turn on their own in a microsecond, only to be stabbed in the back by the same managers they are hoping to curry favor with. Strange creatures, with low IQ's and no self-esteem. Pity them, for they are the lowest form of life in the universe (except for Fred).