Some answers to stupid customer questions.


Well-Known Member
This is just a follow up to the previous thread on what stupid questions you get asked frequently. Here are a few answers I have used to some of the common questions.

Q: Whats in the box?
A: Nothing good or I would have sold it on Ebay.

Q: Is it ticking?
A1: No, everything is digital these days, they do not tick anymore. In fact many will track the package and once it shows delivered they can detonate it from anywhere in the world.
A2: No, if it was a bomb and with my luck it would have gone off in the truck when I picked it up.

Q: They are making you work on a holiday?
A: Of course, we have to work because you are working.

Q: Do you have anything for me?
A: No, the police took it, actually it was the FBI. I wouldnt go looking for it if I were you.

Q: Are you UPS?
A: No, I am Dan. If I was UPS, my checks would be a little bit bigger.

Q: Why are you guys so expensive?
A: Well, someone has to pay for my retirement, and it isnt going to be me.

Q:When a customer asks if it needs a signature after you are already back to your truck.
A: No, it wasnt valuable enough. This answer always gets them as they really do not know what to say, as if they are thinking if I just insulted them or not.

One experience just occurred this past week. I have a blackberry pearl phone and a woman at one of my stops asked me this last week why I need this type of phone. Since she gets on my nerves almost every day, I just answered her by saying the phone is great. I can take pictures of anything in my truck and list it on ebay and sell it before my day is over. Then I just slap a new label over the old one and ship it right out. Then I tell her, " I really shoudnt be telling you this though as I am sure some of them were your packages." The blank look on her face was just priceless.

Gotta love being able to get back at a dumb customer once in awhile!


Well-Known Member
Q; Is it a bomb? ticking, etc...

A; Of course not! Hey, would you mind waiting until I leave to open that?

32F driver

Well-Known Member
I always like, 'Who is it for?' or 'What is it?' How should I know, some idiot at this add ordered something & I don't have a clue what's in the package. People should think before they open their mouths. As a rule, I don't look at names, & I tell people that. Often times I'm then asked, how do you know who the package is for? Really people?


Well-Known Member
When asked "What is it" I usually reply with "those X-rays glasses you need. So you don't have to ask what's in it next time."


Well-Known Member
Another classic "Is that all you have for me?"

NO! I like to save a couple and deliver them tomorrow.

"Where's/who's it from?"

I don't give a crap about where it's from.

When a customer moves from another route:

"The other guy used to be deliver my stuff at 10:00"

Then move back to his route.