To UPS Customers Reading This Site -

Discussion in 'UPS Discussions' started by Livin the Dream?, Jun 2, 2009.

  1. Livin the Dream?

    Livin the Dream? Disillusioned UPSer

    We love you, UPS customer. You pay our paycheck.

    There are a few ways I wish to show appreciation, by saving you money (more to be added as I think of them)

    1. Please do not put "Fragile" stickers on your boxes. Very sorry, but they are meaningless. The boxes that have "Fragile" stickers, the boxes with no stickers, and the boxes with stickers that say "Kick the living SH__ out of this package", all get treated the same. There is only one exception - Boxes with multiple "Fragile" stickers are beat to hell on purpose.

    2. "This Side Up" stickers. Dear God, if you only knew. The only time this sticker does anything is when the package is finally placed on your porch. Trust me, it has pointed in every other direction along the way. Don't send anything that has to stay in one position - it won't.

    3. Cell phone companies - I'm certain that it is extremely important to save that few extra pennies by sending your phones in tiny white bags, when most people pay $400 for a stupid phone and $149.99/month for the "Family Fav 5 talk-to-all, you gonna pay out your butt" plan. Spend an extra buck for each phone shipment, and send the phones in a box. The bags you send might as well have a huge STEAL ME PLEASE sticker on them, but we don't read stickers.

    4. We appreciate that you like pizza and beer. So do we. The boxes you receive your pizza and beer in are for, you guessed it, pizza and beer. When you send your Grandmas rare Ming Dynasty vase across country wrapped in duct tape & a cut up pizza box (You've tried the rest, now try the "FRAGILE"), we find it hard to take you seriously. To save time & money, simply smash the vase before shipping it.

    5. You know those guys at the County Fair that guess your weight correctly or you win a prize? Well, they cheat, they have a scale under you. And we at UPS are better at knowing the weight of a box than them. UPS employees can look at a box ON ANOTHER PLANET and know the weight within a pound or so. So when you ship that used automatic transmission from a '71 Pontiac (rear axle included) and you put the weight at "25lbs", you are not fooling anyone. Put the right weight on, or it screws up your shipment. Speaking of heavy boxes.....

    6. Never put "69lbs" as the weight. Any box sent thru UPS with a weight of 69lbs might as well have a sticker on it that says "This box was freakin heavy, but we don't want to pay the 70+ pound rate". But we don't read the stickers. It will be re-weighed, found to weigh 270lbs, and you will get your Pontiac transmission returned un-delivered.

    7. Never ship florescent lights. God himself cannot package them so they will not get broken. Buy them locally.

    8. Shipping Nuts & bolts - small boxes, lots of tape, heavy, heavy cardboard please. If when you wrap the nuts & bolts in a used pizza box (see above) and it splits open & spills all over before we even pick it up, I would venture to say that the box won't "heal" itself during its' cross-country delivery - the receiver will most probably receive an empty, broken box.

    9. Please use this handy "Is My Packaging Adequate" test - Whatever you are shipping, wrap & box it. Bring it into the largest room in your home, and stand in one corner. Take your package, and throw it as hard as you can into the opposite corner, but you have to hit the ceiling on the way. If the contents survives this, it has a 50% chance of surviving shipping, which is as good as you are gonna get.
  2. dilligaf

    dilligaf IN VINO VERITAS

    OMG! ROFLMFAO!!!!!!!! I laughed so hard.............................BRB

    OK I'm back. That is freaking hilarious. :rofl:
  3. Congratulations! You just shaved a few stops off of every driver's route =)
  4. over9five

    over9five Moderator Staff Member

    Definitely needs to be posted at PackageSmashers!

    (Not that I've ever been there.....)
  5. kingOFchester

    kingOFchester Well-Known Member

    10) Just because your ferocious, vicious, foaming at the mouth pit bull loves you from head to toe, does not mean that he likes the UPS driver. Certainly don't tell the said driver how the dog was just giving them a wet kiss when the driver has blood dripping from his/her leg. Most importantly, keep the dog in when you expect a package or the package may be 1, 2, 3, and gone. A drivers schedule is pretty predictable.
  6. over9five

    over9five Moderator Staff Member

    You must not have EDD yet....
  7. kingOFchester

    kingOFchester Well-Known Member

    Well, to be honest, I only drove for 2.3 months over peak. We do have edd and I know where I live my driver is here everyday between 11 and 11:30. Perhaps I am lucky that my stop doesn't get put on a spit?
  8. Livin the Dream?

    Livin the Dream? Disillusioned UPSer

    11. If you are expecting a "signature-only" package and you know you will not be home - I'll work with you. Leave a note, but please - include the words "UPS, Your Name, OK to deliver, maybe a tracking number". Please try to write the note on paper, not......wait for it..... a pizza box.

    Seriously had this situation - sig req - note on front door had 4 words - "Need Today! Leave Here!"
  9. JimJimmyJames

    JimJimmyJames Big Time Feeder Driver


    Great thread!
  10. Brown_Noser

    Brown_Noser Large Member

    Very funny LTD and very true!
    [FONT=&quot]I also don’t think I have ever seen a big, or even small, box of nuts/bolts that haven’t been half open or already spilled before it gets to me! [/FONT]:angry-very2:
  11. rod

    rod retired and happy

    We really don't care if your second cousin on you adopted aunts side of the family is a "Big Wig" at UPS in someplace you can't remember.
  12. Livin the Dream?

    Livin the Dream? Disillusioned UPSer

    LMFAO!! I can't believe I forgot that - How many times a day do I hear "My cousins brother Bob was a helper a few Christmases ago - you know him?"
  13. Paid-over-in-Maine

    Paid-over-in-Maine 15 more years of this!

    LMAO! Great thread LTD!
  14. evilleace

    evilleace Member

    I had a taped up Mt. Dew box with newspaper shoved in the end that had been opened come down the belt a couple of months back I almost fell over laughing.
  15. fethrs

    fethrs Well-Known Member

    I've worked in re-wrap for about 6 or 7 years. I've seen it ALL. The fast food joints use ARS labels to send headsets back to a company here to be repaired. I have seen McDonalds Big Mac "boxes" used as a shipping box for the headset with the ARS label wrapped around it and the box beat all to hell.
    Documents and flourescent lamps are not insured by UPS....imagine that.
  16. MobileBA

    MobileBA Member

    Remember those shock sensors that turned red? I remember as a preloader , you guessed it, setting them off so they turned red.
  17. kingOFchester

    kingOFchester Well-Known Member

    1.9 years......seen only one come thru ok.
  18. MonavieLeaker

    MonavieLeaker Bringin Teh_Lulz

  19. Billy

    Billy New Member

    Yes in fact we do know what they would call the company if UPS and FED EX merged. We get it and have for a long time now.
  20. pickup

    pickup Well-Known Member

    SCREWED UPS :happy-very: