Discussion in 'Lighten UPS' started by chev, Dec 11, 2008.

  1. chev

    chev Nightcrawler

    A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies:

    1. 'Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before!

    2. 'Find Amelia Earhart yet?'

    3. 'Can you hear me NOW?'

    4. 'Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?'

    5. 'You know, in Arkansas , we're now legally married.'

    6. 'Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?'

    7. 'You put your left hand in; you take your left hand out...'

    8. 'Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!'

    9. 'If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!

    10. 'Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.'

    11. 'You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?'

    And the best one of all.

    12. 'Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?' :happy-very:
  2. mattwtrs

    mattwtrs Retired Senior Member

    In the spirit of not being sexist, I think someone should post a female perspective too!
  3. satellitedriver

    satellitedriver Moderator Staff Member

    I have had to go through many.
    I remember telling the doctor, during the procedure,
    "What no tequila, no flowers? You ain't getting no second date"
    In recovery, when the doc came in to tell me the results, I asked him if I had said that out loud. (Demerol has strange effects).
    He just laughed and told me he never listens to people on drugs.
  4. Monkey Butt

    Monkey Butt Dark Prince of Double Standards Staff Member

    They will not let you go until you pass gas after the procedure.
    After I passed gas, I told the nurse that I had.
    She said, "Yeah, we heard ... you're free to go."
  5. moreluck

    moreluck golden ticket member

    When my hubby had his procedure, after he passed gas, the 'crew' cheered him. An action that gets you dirty looks in a mall gets you applause at the colonoscopy.
  6. chev

    chev Nightcrawler

    Can't help you there. :happy-very:
    Maybe LiL "Comet" or dilligaf can help out. :wink2:
  7. chev

    chev Nightcrawler

    LMAO! I had one done. I thought my poor wife was gonna die when I woke up farting like a Macys Day Parade balloon with :censored2: in it.:sick:
    It was great to have an excuse to let em "fly" in front of the nurse. :laughing:
  8. stevetheupsguy

    stevetheupsguy sʇǝʌǝʇɥǝndsƃnʎ

    After mine, they had a slew of us, that just had em, lined up waiting to, and passing gas. That, was quite funny. Was like being in an
  9. mattwtrs

    mattwtrs Retired Senior Member

    Since we can all laugh about this procedure please make sure your loved ones that are "afraid" to have one let them see the humor in this relatively painless invasion.
  10. dilligaf

    dilligaf IN VINO VERITAS

    Ya, ummm sorry zchev, I can not relate! :dissapointed:
  11. rod

    rod retired and happy

    If anyone was awake and can remember what was happening to them you need to see a different Doc.:peaceful: The worst part of the whole procedure is the crap they make you drink the night before (and what it does to you):surprised:
  12. azul

    azul low on the pole

    Yeah, the razor blades and flames shooting out of your backside are not fun.

    The procedure on the other hand is easy as pie. Like someone else said, if you're awake and know what's going on, you need a new doctor!
  13. mattwtrs

    mattwtrs Retired Senior Member

    I was awake (but sedated) and I could see the monitor that the Doc was watching. He was explaining everything that could be seen including the floaters!

    The procedure is painless but the prep the day before was the problem. Why can I drink a couple of gallons of beer but only half a gallon on prep?
  14. DownsizedUPS'er

    DownsizedUPS'er missing my UPS family

    my dad is a gastroenterologist, he does these on a regular basis. there a some funny stories about what people say under sedation. Before they are totally under, and when they are awaking. but he said that they never feel anything and are not really aware of anything during the proceedure.

    but from the female perspective, at the "lady doctor" i once asked her if she would dust a little as long as she was there. LOL. :laughing:
    Last edited: Dec 12, 2008
  15. DownsizedUPS'er

    DownsizedUPS'er missing my UPS family

    did you play name that tute? ;-)
  16. satellitedriver

    satellitedriver Moderator Staff Member

    Dilli, you should.
    Please, get tested.
    My mother had colon cancer, she survived.
    My grandmother and great grandmother died from colon cancer.
    It is not a male thing.
  17. dilligaf

    dilligaf IN VINO VERITAS

    Thanks Sat. I'm honored that you care. I'm behind on a few things and really need to get caught up on them. I will add that to the list.
  18. DownsizedUPS'er

    DownsizedUPS'er missing my UPS family

    LOL Dill, i know you didn't intend the pun (or did you) but the use of "I'm behind" when talking about colonscopies made me laugh out loud. :laughing:
  19. dilligaf

    dilligaf IN VINO VERITAS

    I have to admit that it was completely unintentional. I even had to re-read my post to see what you were talking about. It was pretty funny though.

    Actually, I was remembering that I need to get another mammo done. 2 years ago there was a small spot. It hasn't changed any but it is time to have it checked again.
  20. DownsizedUPS'er

    DownsizedUPS'er missing my UPS family

    please, please, please get that taken care of asap. my gramma, went every year, and everything was always "normal" but when she was 94years old, (and sharp as a tack, lived alone and funny as can be) started having back pains. welllllllllllllll, it seems she had back cancer, it went there from her breast. all these years she had breast cancer, and it was so high up in the tail of the breast they didnt see it. even after they knew it was there, they had a hard time seeing it. she died almost 1 year to the day later.

    please ask your doctor about a breast MRI. they are much better, and far less painful.