Divorce benefits

[G.V. Rush]

H

Never understood why a woman who doesn't work gets the 401k...the house...custody of the kids...and half of everything else...must be that white male privilege everyone talks about.

Here in California, shed get all 401k, percentage of pension, and spousal support for the rest of your life. Not to mention alimony and child support. Just be glad you didn’t marry in CA. Either way you’re screwed if you can’t patch things up.

I recommend marriage counseling. That’s what I did and it saved my marriage. Granted neither of us ever cheated. My advice to you would be to try your hardest to stay married. It’s worth it. For you, for your wife, and especially the kids.

 

[sailfish]

H
Here in California, shed get all 401k, percentage of pension, and spousal support for the rest of your life. Not to mention alimony and child support. Just be glad you didn’t marry in CA. Either way you’re screwed if you can’t patch things up.

I recommend marriage counseling. That’s what I did and it saved my marriage. Granted neither of us ever cheated. My advice to you would be to try your hardest to stay married. It’s worth it. For you, for your wife, and especially the kids.

Not him. It's his friend who got ed. Best advice you can give him is to never marry.

 

[G.V. Rush]

Not him. It's his friend who got ed. Best advice you can give him is to never marry.

That is the best advice. But it’s also unrealistic. Nobody wants to be alone. I dont care how manly or alpha somebody is.

 

[Box Ox]

I dont care how manly or alpha somebody is.

It's true, in my professional opinion!

 

[What The Hawk?]

Wow, you feel like you ruined everything for her and the kids? No sh*. You obviously weren't worried when ing somebody else. I hope she finds someone far better than you. That is the lowest of lows. Anyway, Upstate's answer is the jackpot.

 

[sailfish]

That is the best advice. But it’s also unrealistic. Nobody wants to be alone. I dont care how manly or alpha somebody is.

Some people are just better suited making it on their own. I've been in a couple of relationships and there was really nothing about them I enjoyed or anything exclusive to be gained. It was restrictive and suffocating. And when you take a step back and realize how stacked against you it all is in the first place living in a system like this you have to ask yourself what could possibly be worth all that.

 

[burrheadd]

Some people are just better suited making it on their own. I've been in a couple of relationships and there was really nothing about them I enjoyed or anything exclusive to be gained. It was restrictive and suffocating. And when you take a step back and realize how stacked against you it all is in the first place living in a system like this you have to ask yourself what could possibly be worth all that.

Just have to find the right partner

 

[Box Ox]

what could possibly be worth all that

You get to post about it to everyone on Facebook!

 

[dookie stain]

H
Here in California, shed get all 401k, percentage of pension, and spousal support for the rest of your life. Not to mention alimony and child support. Just be glad you didn’t marry in CA. Either way you’re screwed if you can’t patch things up.

I recommend marriage counseling. That’s what I did and it saved my marriage. Granted neither of us ever cheated. My advice to you would be to try your hardest to stay married. It’s worth it. For you, for your wife, and especially the kids.

I'm not the original poster but yes here in California the man gets screwed rwgardless...I think this is why everyone is arguing with me cause it's different state to state but here no matter the circumstances the guy gets hosed

 

[sailfish]

Just have to find the right partner

That's called two people willing to put up with each other enough to get what they want from the other without weighing any of the risk.

 

[DriverNerd]

Don't get divorced right now. Yeah, you're in pain and want to move on...I get it. But you're going to go your separate ways either way, so why bother getting divorced right away. Just separate, and live lives based on how you will when you would be divorced. As long as you are still technically married she still qualifies for your benefits. Where I am from, the money in the accounts is split up based on the values at the time of separation, not the actual divorce date. Move out, start your lives separately and see how things go. Yeah, it will be painful for a while. This way she can get back on her feet financially. You're going to pay her child support (maybe spousal too) anyway. It is better for the man in this situation to get divorced as soon as possible for the sake of his wallet, but if you're looking to transition better and make it easier on everyone (read: kids) then go slow. Don't get divorced until after she has obtained a full time job (or part time depending on your childcare/financial needs) with benefits.

FWIW, we used a mediator and as long as you both are willing to be fair and put your kids first (hard for a lot of people to do with such emotions raging), it is by far cheaper and better for everyone involved.

 

[IVE GOTTA PACKAGE 4U]

I'm not the original poster but yes here in California the man gets screwed rwgardless...I think this is why everyone is arguing with me cause it's different state to state but here no matter the circumstances the guy gets hosed

You are correct. Lifetime spousal support.
BS

 

[Box Ox]

I'm not the original poster but yes here in California the man gets screwed rwgardless...I think this is why everyone is arguing with me cause it's different state to state but here no matter the circumstances the guy gets hosed

That sucks. If earthquakes, fires and mudslides don't kill you, a divorce still might.

 

[Box Ox]

Don't get divorced right now. Yeah, you're in pain and want to move on...I get it. But you're going to go your separate ways either way, so why bother getting divorced right away.

There's a lot he left out but cheating is not the worst thing he has done.

OP's wife might have good reason to want to cut the cord quickly.

 

[burrheadd]

That's called two people willing to put up with each other enough to get what they want from the other without weighing any of the risk.

Not my experience. When you find the right one you know it’s right

 

[DriverNerd]

OP's wife might have good reason to want to cut the cord quickly.

Yeah, I meant it in a strictly financial/kids sense. As for moving on emotionally I would have to agree with you.

 

[sailfish]

Not my experience. When you find the right one you know it’s right

Won't even let it happen. Too much risk and cost with not nearly enough benefit, especially when I like being by myself in the first place.

 

[G.V. Rush]

I'm not the original poster but yes here in California the man gets screwed rwgardless...I think this is why everyone is arguing with me cause it's different state to state but here no matter the circumstances the guy gets hosed

You have to be one dumb bastard to cheat on your wife regardless of what state you’re in. You’re defenseless when adultry is involved. You lose everything.

 

[dookie stain]

You have to be one dumb bastard to cheat on your wife regardless of what state you’re in. You’re defenseless when adultry is involved. You lose everything.

Even here when the woman cheats you're screwed

 

[G.V. Rush]

Won't even let it happen. Too much risk and cost with not nearly enough benefit, especially when I like being by myself in the first place.

How old are you? You sound like me in my twenties. You also sound smart. There are definitely pros and cons. You know, like every single decision to be made in life.