One liners, short jokes, funny sayings, puns, etal

moreluck

golden ticket member
Q: What do you call a blonde in an institution of higher learning?
A: A visitor.
Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A: Gifted!
Q: What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?
A: An interpreter.
Q: What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head?
A: A Space Invader.
Q: What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?
A: Branch Manager.
Q: What do you call a smart blond?
A: A golden retriever.
Q: What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes?
A: The back of her head.
 

moreluck

golden ticket member
A plumber fixes a leak in a doctor's house, then bills him for $1,000.00.
"This is ridiculous!" the doctor says. I don't charge that much."
The plumber says, "Neither did I when I was a doctor."
 

moreluck

golden ticket member
I fear my neighbor may be stalking me, she was googling my name last night on her computer...
I saw it clearly through my binoculars!
 

moreluck

golden ticket member
When a woman wears leather clothing
A man's heart beats quicker
His throat gets dry
He goes week in the knees
And he begins to think irrationally
Ever wonder why?
Because she smells like a new truck!!!
 

moreluck

golden ticket member
There was a lawyer and he was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side.
His eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're beautiful!" and then he fell asleep again.
His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side. A couple minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're cute!"
Well, the wife was dissapointed because instead of "beautiful" it was "cute."
She said, "What happened to 'beautiful'?"
His reply was: "The drugs are wearing off!"
 

moreluck

golden ticket member
A man enters a drugstore and asks the pharmacist for a pack of condoms.
The Pharmacist asks, "What size?"
The man replies, "I do not know."
Well, take this board with holes and go to the bathroom and measure.
In 10 minutes the man comes back and tells the pharmacist, "I have changed my mind I don't need the condoms. How much is this board"?
 

moreluck

golden ticket member
When were King Arthur's army too tired to fight?
When they had lots of sleepless knights!

How do bees get to school?
By school buzz!
 

moreluck

golden ticket member
The latest poll taken by the office of the Governor of Texas asked whether people who live in Texas think illegal immigration is a serious problem:
30% of respondents answered: "Yes, it is a serious problem."
70% of respondents answered: "No es una problema serio. "
 

moreluck

golden ticket member
A funeral procession made its way down the road. Six close members of the family were carrying the coffin between them. On top of the coffin was a fishing line, a net, and some bait.
A passer-by remarked: "He must've been a very keen fisherman."
"Oh, he still is," remarked another "He's off to the river as soon as they've buried his wife."
 

moreluck

golden ticket member
One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find her 92 year old husband in bed with another woman. She became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th floor assisted-living apartment, killing him instantly.
Brought before the court, on the charge of murder, she was asked if she had anything to say in defense of herself.
"Your Honor," she began coolly, "I figured that at 92, if he could screw, he could fly."
 

moreluck

golden ticket member
A hesitant driver, waiting for a traffic jam to clear, came to a complete stop on the freeway ramp. Traffic thinned, but the driver still waited.
Finally, a furious voice from the vehicle behind him cried, “The sign says to yield, not give up!”
 
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