Sociology observations.

[bigbrownhen]

A lot of parents today try to be friends with their kids rather than parents. Kids need parents perhaps more now than ever.

Excellent point. Stay involved, give them a little space, keep them too busy to get in trouble. They have enough friends. Bounderies and consequences are very important from the beginning.
Im no expert, just winged it, still learning as we go. So far so good, no major problems.

 

[MechanicForBrown]

hearing all of this reminds me of the temptations and influences growing up throughout school, makes me want to be a better parent to my son and make sure without a dout that he knows right from wrong. There is so much to worry about in todays world, I agree with my dad who says " I give you credit Derek, Being a parent today is far more complex than yesteryear" " Good Luck".

 

[DS]

I dont have any kids,but I have seen my share of kids growing up.
I think gang involvement is usually tied to living where gangs are prevalent...if you grow up in a big city and you have parents that have a nonchalent attitude as to the direction thier kids are heading ,the peer pressure can be overwhelming for the kid ,and it can lead to them having to prove themself to the creeps at school.I think that parents should be strict with thier kids to assure they have options.

 

[UnconTROLLed]

I worked with a wonderful lady who had a couple children, one who was a yuong man. Without giving away too much info, they lived in a pretty tough area of Boston , Mattapan bordering Roxbury if anyone knows the area. She claims the best way to keep her son out of trouble was simply not letting him go out anywhere at night or "hang out" as most of the troubled kids do.

She said (more or less) it is sad the way it had to be, but it's also more sad the violence and general antisocial behavior out there on the streets.

Children that don't have parental influence and strong guidance tend to look elsewhere for that leadership and "belonging". eventually it comes to the point where the child becomes accustomed to not coming home until late night and causing trouble, and it escalates into other things in their life which are unescapable (to them) as it's their identity

 

[cheryl]

Parenting is toughest job in the world.

Despite your best efforts to guide and influence your child their free will can keep getting in the way.

 

[brownmonster]

Case in point. My daughter came home from college tonight because dad was grilling out. Has to go back and work tomorrow at 10am. I'm going to stay home and then back to school in the morn is what she says. It's 1:35 am and she is out in the bars. must get it from her mother.

 

[blue efficacy]

It's always nurture. Those claiming nature are those that failed at parenting.

You're right, our genetics do not shape us in any way, shape or form

 

[stevetheupsguy]

I was raised in 2 different arena's. I was fostered in the suburbs, and spent my early teens through adulthood in NYC, Brooklyn and The Bronx. I hung out with kids that didn't go to school, smoked weed, drank alcohol, all from a very young age. I became just like them. A lot of those guys I hung out with started using heavy drugs, like heroin, LSD and coke.

I drifted away from those "friends" and ended up meeting others in the Bronx. There, we were more sports oriented. I drifted away from drugs and alcohol, and got healthy. I don't know if it was nature, nurture or what, but I do know that it has a lot to do with the Grace of God, as I really threaded the needle, getting to where I am now. Quite a few bumps along this road, please don't follow.

BTW, a lot of those guys back in Brooklyn are dead (AIDS, murder), strung out, or incarcerated, not all, mind you, but a lot.

 

[trplnkl]

I don't think any parent "nurtures" a child to be a gang banger when they get older. And yet there are gangsters out there. How do you account for this?

You can't say that every lowlife and criminal in the world had parents that failed.

Every one of us has free will.

Peer pressure often outweighs free will.

I completely agree with you - I believe friends are a huge influence, but isn't that nurture?

Exactly my point. Good parents can raise kids who choose to go bad.

A lot of parents today try to be friends with their kids rather than parents. Kids need parents perhaps more now than ever.

Parenting is toughest job in the world.

Despite your best efforts to guide and influence your child their free will can keep getting in the way.

I think that positive nurturing can do alot toward helping a kid to grown into a good productive member of society. Although the outside influences (peer pressure) and environmental issues play a large roll also.

It's pretty hard to say that all good kids gone bad are a product of bad parenting. I know of a guy that grew up in the home of fine, upstanding parents that not only taught but lived the right way. The guy was given everything he needed and had to earn the extras in life, he wasn't abused nor was he pampered. When he graduated high school(with honors) he made the decision to not go to college but to join a local chapter of a 1% motorcycle gang. Just five years later he was president of that club, another two years passed and he was killed by an upcoming club member with aspirations. Can anyone really make a good case that he was the product of bad parenting? I think not. To blame the parents is not always the answer, although sometimes it is.

Good, solid parenting can be trumped by free will. Free will can be influenced by outside forces. All a parent can do is to live and teach the right path and pray and hope that it sticks with the kids.

One thing is for sure, a parent has to be a parent and not a friend. Another sure thing is, a parent can't wait till a child is 13 years old to begin nurturing their kids. It's called parental responsibility, but that is not the final line.

 

[Fnix]

Of my 3 kids, one is a low life, criminal type. It was a road he chose and the rest of the family didn't. We were good parents. Haven't seen or heard from him for over 15 years. That's life sometimes.

I have close relationships with my 2 daughters and their kids.

Thats messed up and must hurt so much.

 

[poozer2000]

I don't have any kids yet, and have looked back at my upbringing, (thanks mum and dad for a good job done on me). but along with the peer pressure of so called friends i think the media plays a huge part in what we are and have to be like, all the magazines and papers saying " be a size 8 (uk), diet diet diet ,hollywood smiles, breast enlargments etc etc there are so many people trying to be what really there not and becoming ill, to be perfect.
we have a teen magazine which gives you "position of the fortnight" no wonder we have so many teen pregnacys'

The media has a lot to answer for not just parental skills

 

[UnconTROLLed]

What is being missed here is the age between birth and 3, which are the most important years of a childs life. Anything after that is merely the child learning things on his/her own.
If a child is mistreated in any way, not fed, not given proper attention etc in those first years, no matter whether they had a great upbringing or not in their adolescenece, they're going to have problems down the road.
Basic psychology.

 

[BLACKBOX]

My take is that it is so important to find out what your child is into. One of the things I've done years ago is to take the computer out of his room and place it in the living room. I did not like it when his friends were over and they used the computer in his room with the door closed. Even though I checked the "history" of sites they went onto, somehow I know they visited questionable sites.

We still try to have sit down dinners and actually have a conversation with the TV off. I bought him his own cell phone (which he was begging to have) but the real reason is that I want to know where he is and that I can reach him anytime.

I try not to get too "parenty" but this is the way I choose to raise him because my parents were too involved in their work and social life to care what i did with mines.

Now if I could just get him to clean his room...........

 

[stevetheupsguy]

Now if I could just get him to clean his room...........

Yeah, that's gonna happen.

 

[cheryl]

Parents can only give good advice or put them on the right paths, but the final forming of a person's character lies in their own hands. ~ Anne Frank

 

[stevetheupsguy]

Parents can only give good advice or put them on the right paths, but the final forming of a person's character lies in their own hands. ~ Anne Frank

And may I add, that it's not for us to bail them out of their jams, but to let them walk, fall down and get up, stronger than they started out. JMHO

 

[UpstateNYUPSer(Ret)]

And may I add, that it's not for us to bail them out of their jams, but to let them walk, fall down and get up, stronger than they started out. JMHO

Easier said than done.

 

[stevetheupsguy]

Easier said than done.

Not really. I'm in the middle of some"tough love", with my eldest, as we speak.

 

[dilligaf]

Not really. I'm in the middle of some"tough love", with my eldest, as we speak.

Uh oh! What did she do to get in trouble? LOL

 

[UpstateNYUPSer(Ret)]

Not really. I'm in the middle of some"tough love", with my eldest, as we speak.

Is she still speaking to you?