The Puckered Sphincter

Discussion in 'UPS Discussions' started by soberups, Dec 30, 2009.

  1. soberups

    soberups Pees in the brown Koolaid

    Nothing puckers you up quite like getting a message 10 minutes before the air drop deadline that "the shuttle driver is stuck, so you need to hook up the pup trailer full of NDA and have it back to the building by the 5:00 pull time."

    This was due to the unexpected snowstorm we got hit with that dumped a surprise 4 inches of wet, sloppy snow on the ground.

    By 4:00, traffic everywhere had ground to a halt. I had to chain up....for all the good that it did me. The highway leading back to the building was a parking lot of abandoned and stuck vehicles that couldnt make it up the hill. It took me 2 1/2 hrs to drive 14 miles back to the building, and all 300 pieces of NDA I had in the pup trailer missed service.

    I had another good "pucker up" when some jackass in an SUV with no chains spun out in the oncoming lane and missed hitting me head on by about a foot. The fool thought that "4-wheel drive" meant "I can drive like an idiot because I got me a 4x4" while overlooking the basic fact that 4-wheel drive means nothing the moment that you hit the brake pedal and start sliding.

    People are fools and surprise snowstorms suck.
  2. cachsux

    cachsux Wah

    Snowstorms are Gods way of saying Darwin got it right.
  3. UpstateNYUPSer

    UpstateNYUPSer Very proud grandfather.

    Maybe it's too early in the morning but I didn't get this. Explain, sil vous plait?
  4. pickup

    pickup Well-Known Member

    speaking of "about a foot, how is your broken toe allowing you to chain up as well as hooking up the pup? Isn't this the same pup whose "stinger" gave you the injury?
  5. Jones

    Jones fILE A GRIEVE! Staff Member

    Snowstorms are definitive proof that a change in allele frequencies in a given population over time will lead to speciation. At least I think that's what he meant.
  6. UpstateNYUPSer

    UpstateNYUPSer Very proud grandfather.

    Yeah...that helped.:wink2:
  7. Jones

    Jones fILE A GRIEVE! Staff Member

    You probably just need more sleep :happy-very:
  8. JustTired

    JustTired free at last.......

    Maybe something to do with "survival of the fittest". That's my guess.
  9. pickup

    pickup Well-Known Member

    or conversely, the elimination of the dumbest.
  10. brownrod

    brownrod Active Member

    It seems to be a combination of two things.

    Darwin awards are given out to people who remove themselves from the gene pool in an unintelligent manner.

    The change in the percentage of allele's from one generation to the next is the definition of evolution.

    It was suggested that god makes snowstorms so stupid people can kill themselves, thus removing their allele's from the population and aiding evolution.

    Allele's are genes. To put it simply if the amount of a gene in a population changes from one generation to the next (approx 20 years) then the species has evolved. If right now 51% of humans have blue eyes but in 20 years 49 percent of humans have blue eyes then we have evolved.

    BLACKBOX Life is a Highway...

    That mother pucker!
  12. ol'browneye

    ol'browneye Active Member

    It's also called "natural selection". The stupid people will eventually kill themselves by doing stupid things therefore preventing their gene pool from carrying on to the next generation.

    That's why we should stop passing laws to protect stupid people from themselves, let them die!

    And sober, don't those white knuckles go along with the puckered sphincter?
  13. soberups

    soberups Pees in the brown Koolaid

    I'm on TAW. We were so short-staffed with vacations and sick calls that I had to go out and run my route with a helper.

    I hold the stinger with both hands now, in a white-knuckled grip of death... with total focus about the position of my feet. I will never drop that damn thing on my toe again.

    Putting the chains on was awkward and a bit painful but I didnt really have any other alternative. Fortunately, I now have a 4 day weekend to rest and recuperate from peak, and for the remaining time that I'm on TAW I will be sitting in the office.
  14. cino321

    cino321 Active Member

    Dude give me a break, I wouldn't care of all those stops missed service. Just because your center is understaffed is not your problem, you are hurt.
  15. browniehound

    browniehound Well-Known Member

    Man, I'm impressed. Believe it or not, I understand everything you just said. Just don't ask me to explain it to someone! You just did it very nicely.

    I wish I could recite your post when I hear creationists and other ignorants ask "if man evolved from ape, why is it not happening today?" 'Why are there still apes?"

    Believe it or not, I know people that ask those questions.

    They don't understand our ancestors were creatures like apes and we evolved from them. Our current apes shared the same ancestor but evolved to gorillas, chimps, and oragutangs.

    At least thats how I understand it??
  16. UpstateNYUPSer

    UpstateNYUPSer Very proud grandfather.

    Sober, I have to call you out on this one. When you first posted about your injury you were chomping at the bit to get on the road, even suggesting to your center manager that you be given a helper so that you could drive and your area would be covered. So please don't tell us you had to go out. BTW, I applaud your dedication and would more than likely do the same as we both are among the minority who still give a damn.
  17. soberups

    soberups Pees in the brown Koolaid

    Point taken. You are correct. I didnt have to I chose to.

    For a person who is accustomed to being outdoors doing productive labor, it is pure hell to sit in an office on TAW for 8 hrs shuffling papers and doing busywork.

    And when your friends and comrades are out there fighting the elements and the center is in crisis mode, its even worse.

    In any case, the snow has almost melted away and peak season is in the interests of healing faster I will spend my remaining TAW time with my butt glued to a chair and my toes safely hidden from any heavy objects that might land on them.
  18. ups79

    ups79 Active Member

    You must be "the man".
    Lasted edited by : Jan 1, 2010
  19. UpstateNYUPSer

    UpstateNYUPSer Very proud grandfather.

    Which would make you what?
  20. dannyboy

    dannyboy From the promised LAND


    has your management team given you a warning letter about your sphincter being puckered? it would seem that would make their job a bit harder.........

    i finished my route on a broken foot that was broken at 10AM. without help, even though it had been requested. worked a 11 hour day.

    while i am dedicated as the next ups employee, never again.

    what started out as a simple break, ended up needing two surgeries to fix because i walked on it so long.

    tp60 cause more injuries that you might suspect.

    happy new year sober!