Your best worst jokes..

Discussion in 'Lighten UPS' started by What The Hawk?, Feb 11, 2017.

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  1. Don't be too graphic. I'm just in the mood for comedy. I seem to like harsh comedy or things that offend people. What "rude/inappropriate" jokes have made you laugh way more than you should have?
     
  2. sailfish

    sailfish Duke of Douschebaggery

    So a christian walks into a bar.


    Then a jew walks into a bar.



    Then a muslim walks into an Allah Ak-BAAAARRRR!!!!
     
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  3. I like that one!
     
  4. wkmac

    wkmac Well-Known Member

    Sign over urinal: "Don't look up here, the joke is in your hand!"
     
  5. moreluck

    moreluck golden ticket member

    This woman goes in for a facelift and the doctor says: "We've got this new method: I put a knob in the back of your head, and every time you feel like you need a lift, just turn it."

    She gets the knob implanted and is beautiful for five years.

    But one day she notices a problem and returns to the doctor.

    "I've got these huge bags under my eyes," she complains.

    The surgeon replies: "Those aren't bags; those are your breasts."

    "Ah," she sighs. "That explains the goatee."
     
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  6. moreluck

    moreluck golden ticket member

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  7. moreluck

    moreluck golden ticket member

    A young boy went up to his father and asked him, 'Dad, what is the difference between potentially and realistically?'

    The father thought for a moment, then answered, 'Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars.

    Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a Million dollars, and then ask your brother if he'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that.'

    So the boy went to his mother and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?'

    The mother replied, 'Of course I would! We could really use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great University!'

    The boy then went to his sister and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?'

    The girl replied, 'Oh my Gawd! I LOVE Brad Pitt I would sleep with him in a heartbeat, are you nuts?'

    The boy then went to his brother and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?'

    'Of course,' the brother replied. 'Do you know what a million Bucks would buy?'

    The boy pondered the answers for a few days and then went back to his dad.

    His father asked him, 'Did you find out the difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?'

    The boy replied, 'Yes, 'Potentially' , you and I are sitting on Three million dollars .

    But 'realistically' , we're just living with two hookers and a queer.
     
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  8. JackOfClubs

    JackOfClubs PT Bureaucrat

    1. Where do suicide bombers go when they die? Everywhere!

    2. What was the last thing to go through Kurt Cobain's mind? The roof of his mouth.

    3. Any salad is a Caesar Salad if you stab it enough.
     
    Last edited: Apr 16, 2017
  9. moreluck

    moreluck golden ticket member

    Mommy, Mommy! What happened to all your scabs?
    Shut up and eat your cornflakes!
     
  10. moreluck

    moreluck golden ticket member

    This story cannot be found in the scriptures, but it is told that after his resurrection, Jesus appeared to an old fisherman. "I am Jesus and I have returned to show God's love and power.""No, you're not Jesus. Go away! You're scaring all the fish," answered the old fisherman. "I see you are full of doubt. What would you have me do to show who I am?" "Walk across the river," the old fisherman tells Jesus. Jesus starts walking across the river, but he sinks and disappears under the water. After he swims back to shore, the old fisherman says to him, "See, you're not Jesus. You can't walk on water!" Jesus responds, "Well, I used to be able to do it, but then I got these holes in my feet!"
     
  11. sailfish

    sailfish Duke of Douschebaggery

    I see someone cleaned house in this thread. Well, that was fun while it lasted.
     
  12. Indecisi0n

    Indecisi0n Well-Known Member

    Want to do grab a coffee and a scone?
     
  13. sailfish

    sailfish Duke of Douschebaggery

    Alright.
     
  14. Indecisi0n

    Indecisi0n Well-Known Member

    Take my hand
     
  15. sailfish

    sailfish Duke of Douschebaggery

    Let's go.
     
  16. Indecisi0n

    Indecisi0n Well-Known Member

    Can you skip?
     
  17. sailfish

    sailfish Duke of Douschebaggery

    Sure can.
     
  18. Indecisi0n

    Indecisi0n Well-Known Member

    We are in business
     
  19. sailfish

    sailfish Duke of Douschebaggery

    Hells yeah.
     
  20. moreluck

    moreluck golden ticket member

    Q: What do you get when you cross a rooster with a jar of peanut butter?

    A: A cock that sticks to the roof of your mouth.
     
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