From The Chairman: The 10-Step Plan

Discussion in 'FedEx Discussions' started by MrFedEx, Apr 16, 2016.

  1. MrFedEx

    MrFedEx Engorged Member

    Dear Team Members,

    Bravo Zulu, and thanks for making me so rich and powerful. Once again, my handlers have left me alone on a Saturday, so I'm going to be completely honest with you about the "10 Step Plan"...with the help from Jim Beam.

    First, we intentionally named it a 10 step plan so many of you would confuse it with a 10 year plan, which will NEVER happen. This has been completely successful, and a perfect example of how you morons go for the carrot on a stick EVERY time. God, are you dumb.

    Second, we've already wasted over a year implementing it, saving me many additional millions. We've directed management to tell you that it's a complicated process due to our many market levels and pay scales, which is pure crap. This is just another delaying tactic.

    Third, this "plan" is really academic anyway, because my real plan is to not have any employees working for FedEx for 10 years or 10 "steps". I want you here for 3 to 4 years and then to go away. If you get hurt or sick, I want you gone immediately. Realistically, very few of you will ever be here to see the 10th step.

    Anyway, here is the official 10 step plan, and points structure:

    1. You get one step for being here 10 years (+1)
    2. A step is rewarded if you are between 70 and 100 years old (+1)
    3. Not being sick for 10 years will earn you a step (+1)
    4. No accidents/incidents/injuries for 10 years earns a step (+1)
    5. No OLCCs or letters for 10 years equals a step (+1)
    6. 10 Bravo Zulus equals a step (+1)
    7. 100% service for 10 years equals a step (+1)
    8. No customer complaints for 10 years equals a step (+1)
    9. No overtime for 10 years earns a step (+1)
    10. Being part of for 10 years earns a step (+1)
    11. Exceeding SPH goals by at least 50% for 10 years equals a step.

    See how easy it is to get 10 steps? Of course, any deviation from any of the steps equals the deletion of a step, and extends the amount of time to reach the next opportunity to earn a step. All of this is conditioned upon a Leap Year calendar, and you can only earn points during a Leap Year. However, points may be deducted during any year(s). Once you've earned your maximum 10 points, there is a 12-month probationary period during which any violation will remove ALL your points, forcing you to start over.

    Points may also be removed at any time for any reason at management's discretion, or my dictate. The program may be cancelled and/or modified at any time, and is subject to all of the usual FedEx policies and procedures.

    We don't expect a single person to ever reach these goals, so we haven't bothered to establish a pay increase commensurate with attaining the 10 points and/or steps. Besides, I'll just fire you so I don't have to pay you anyway. You can fight it out with FedEx Legal.

    Good luck, SUCKERS!!

    God, I am so good and so smart. I deserve to be effing rich. I piss on all of you!!

    Frederick W. Smith
  2. outtatime

    outtatime Active Member

    For someone who hates FedEx as much as you do, you sure spend an unhealthy amount of time coming up with ways to talk bad and make fun of them. It's like FedEx just consumes your entire being. Just quit already and move on with your life. Life is too short to hold on to this much resentment.
  3. vantexan

    vantexan Well-Known Member

    I bet this was in R1a's secret documents that only he had seen...
  4. Express Courier

    Express Courier Active Member

    Didn't read. I'm sure it's probably funny though like the others.

  5. silenze

    silenze Lunch is the best part of the day

    Hahaha you guys and your 10 step program. You might have better luck catching unicorns
  6. MrFedEx

    MrFedEx Engorged Member

    Don't feel sorry for me. I just have fun with it when I feel like it. Already PT and transitioning out. My primary income is from other sources. My main intent is to try and prevent others from making the same mistake(s) van, Route 66, myself, and so many others did by believing in Mr. Smith and his company.

    If it changes even one person's life for the better, I'm happy.
  7. MrFedEx

    MrFedEx Engorged Member

    Shhh. That's Step 11. If you can catch the unicorn and the Rainbow Pony, you get your raise.
  8. Star B

    Star B White Lightening

    There's a point of warning someone and then there is looking like a freaking lunatic and getting tuned out. You're starting to wander into the lunatic category with these fake letters.

    Your input is very welcome, as a contrast to Dano... but holy hell. Don't make us get you some Xanax.
  9. Express Courier

    Express Courier Active Member

    Starting to look like? I think MFE has chilled like a mother the last year or so lol. Probably because as he said he's PT now.
  10. Star B

    Star B White Lightening

    Ebb and flow? Chill and then ZOMG!!!
  11. MrFedEx

    MrFedEx Engorged Member

    All parody and I don't take it very seriously. I do, however, take my "mission" to inform employees about the way FedEx really operates seriously.
  12. overflowed

    overflowed Well-Known Member

    If MFE's mission is to warn people away from this company so be it. That is an admirable goal. Before spending a bunch of years figuring out how many lies were told to them when they hired on? Don't see how that would be a bad thing. When the new hires ask me if I like the company or anything? I just tell them the truth. It's not like MFE needs much help these days to spread the word. Fedex is doing a fine job all by itself.
  13. MrFedEx

    MrFedEx Engorged Member

    Thank you. And I fully agree. They are doing an excellent job of creating massive turnover, which is incredibly costly and a complete drag on profitability. Since I went back to RTD I hit numerous stations, and it's like the faces change weekly.
  14. 59 Dano

    59 Dano Some of my best friends are black.

    Ahhhh, the go-to response that he's been using for 8 years now whenever anyone questions his dedication to posting lunatic rantings. "I make my money elsewhere and will be retired in short order." Sometimes it's seasoned with other nonsense, such as he's just waiting for his wife's insurance to kick in or something similar.
  15. 59 Dano

    59 Dano Some of my best friends are black.

    Dude (or Dudette)... he IS on meds. You missed the good old days when he wasn't. If you ever get bored, use the site's Mr Searchy feature. All of the fake letters (and there are PLENTY) are just the tip of the iceberg.

    Numerous threats and delusions of massive disruptions. Lambasting everyone for not getting a union at FedEx. There were some marathon themes, too. He went on for months in great detail about Express ending all service other than overnight (everything else would be switched to Ground) and had even seen the super SeKrIt documents! Similarly, he went into great detail about an imminent plan to turn nearly all couriers into PTers. Another was that Ground was delivering Express packages. He has an ongoing legal explanation about how FedEx Express isn't an airline. Again, these weren't offhand comments, but discussions that spawned page after page after page of debate.

    He has some crazy hangup about pilots.

    He admits to pestering the folks at 60 Minutes to develop an "exposè" of FedEx, Fred Smith, and God only knows who/what else.

    My second favorite moment of insanity? He said he was bumped into a bigwig of a big social media outfit and got into a discussion of "human capital." His complaining about FedEx impressed the bigwig to such an extent that he was invited to complain about FedEx to this guy's employees and conduct a Q&A afterwards. To protect his identity, he was going to speak from behind a screen and disguise his voice.

    But that can't compete with his finest idea ever. He wanted to get a FedEx package and have a bunch of couriers (wearing disguises) abuse the crap out of it, record the entire incident, and put it on Youtube. Somehow that was going to make the general public mad at the suits, but not the hourly people conducting the abuse. Still trying to understand the logic of that one.

    Please don't tune him out. He's going to miss his meds again at some point and you don't want to miss out on whatever happens.
  16. 59 Dano

    59 Dano Some of my best friends are black.

    I've got the handout that was given to all employees in this district that specifically states that program will put couriers that the top of range "in a maximum of 10 years."

    MAKAVELI Well-Known Member

    And their word isn't worth the paper it's written on.
  18. fdxsux

    fdxsux Active Member

    By all means, post it up.
  19. Cactus

    Cactus Just telling it like it is

    Do you believe everything you read?

    Furthermore, you're leaving out the must crucial words from this so-called statement. The fine print states that it's "based upon the company's ability to afford to do so."

    This leaves FedEx a major bail out plan and one that most certainly they'll use.

    Another way you're trying to mislead everyone here.
  20. MrFedEx

    MrFedEx Engorged Member

    Where did I advocate for disguised couriers to abuse a package? Everything I post is true and if it's an informed opinion,I make that quite clear. Only an idiot tool couldn't tell the difference.

    If Smith could have outsourced E2 and XS to Ground, he would have done it. But that would have threatened the RLA.

    Please post the 10 year promise to have everyone topped out. I fully expect numerous escape clauses. If Smith actually does top everyone out, he would simply take it away elsewhere.

    Ample evidence exists to show this is Smith's MO.

    You are both a tool and a fool.