Your best worst jokes..

[moreluck]

A big Texan stopped at a local restaurant following a day roaming around in Mexico.

While sipping his tequila, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful..

He asked the waiter, "What is that you just served?"

The waiter replied, "Ah senor, you have excellent taste! Those are called Cojones de Toro, bull's testicles from the bull fight this morning. A delicacy!"

The cowboy said, "What the heck; bring me an order."

The waiter replied, "I am so sorry senor; there is only one serving per day because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early and place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy."

The next morning, the cowboy returned; placed his order; and that evening was served the one and only special delicacy of the day. After a few bites, inspecting his platter, he called to the waiter and said, "These are delicious, but they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday."

The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, "Si, Senor; Sometimes the bull wins."

 

[moreluck]

What do you call a person that speaks 3 languages?
"Trilingual"
What do you call a person that speaks 2 languages?
"Bilingual"
What do you call a person that speaks 1 language?
"American

 

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[olroadbeech]

you can pick your friends. you can pick your nose. but you can't pick your friends nose.

 

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[UpstateNYUPSer(Ret)]

Bingo only uses 75 balls with B-1 being the lowest and O-75 being the highest.

 

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Thank you Tree of Knowledge
So re-write the joke....What has 75 balls and screws old ladies?

That's better????????

 

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[Whitelexus]

Did you hear about the fire at the circus?
It was ‘in tents’

 

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https://www.pinterest.com/kelliwysoglad/

 

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[moreluck]

The teacher asked the class to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence.

Molly put up her hand and said "my family went to my granddad's farm and

we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating".

The teacher said "that was good, but I wanted you to use the word

"fascinate", not "fascinating"

Sally raised her hand. She said "My family went to see Rock City and I was

fascinated.

The teacher said "Well that was good Sally but I wanted you to use the word

"fascinate", not fascinated"


Little Freddie raised his hand but the teacher hesitated because she had been

burned by little Freddie before.

She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word "fascinate", so

she called on him.

Freddie said "My aunt Carolyn has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are

so big she can only fasten eight".

 

[moreluck]

Where babies from?.........

Mother is in the kitchen making supper for her family when her youngest daughter walks in.

Mother, where do babies come from?

Well dear...a mommy and daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their room...they kiss and hug and have sex. (The daughter looks puzzled.) That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy's vagina. That's how you get a baby, honey.

Oh I see, but the other night when I came into you and daddy's room you had daddy's penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?

Jewelry, dear.

 

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[moreluck]

Q: What do you call a bunch of tractors parked in front of a McDonald's on Friday night in Iowa?
A: Prom.

 

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Used Car

It was a small town and the patrolman was making his evening rounds As he was checking a used car lot, he came upon two little old ladies sitting in a used car. He stopped and asked them if they were stealing the car. They said "Heavens no, we bought it."
He said, "Then why don't you drive it away".
Each of the women said "We can't drive".
The officer momentarily shook his head and then asked "Then why did you buy it?"
They answered, "We were told if we bought a car here, we'd get screwed, so we are just waiting

 

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